You’d think that after dealing with rejection so many times you’d get used to it, but that never seems to be the case.
In fact, it’s an evergrowing burden for most of us. Every rejection is likely to stay there in the back of our minds reminding us of what we could have possibly had, usually at the worst of times.
The good news, however, is that there’s something you can do about it. Dealing with rejection correctly can even be a huge success factor in your career and relationships if you have the right mindset from the start.
Here are five tips that can help you process rejection in the best ways.
5 Effective Tips for
Dealing with Rejection
1. Introspect, But Never Overthink
Our first reaction to rejection is usually deep introspection.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that; any intelligent person must always examine their own actions and thoughts to understand the reasons behind the rejection. Otherwise, we’ll all only get confused or angry every time we’re dealing with rejection.
Problem is: our emotionality is faster than our deductive reasoning in interpreting situations.
Intense emotions can easily lead us to irrationality—that’s part of the deal in being flawed human beings. But it doesn’t just end there; irrationality leads us to misinterpret reality.
Our feelings of sadness, anger, and sometimes embarrassment for not getting what we want can make us feel like the world revolves around us, just too tight.
Everything leading up to rejection gets magnified under the critical microscope that is our brain.
– “Was I too corny when I approached her?”
– “Did I mess up in my interview?”
– “Was I just not good enough?”
We ask these questions to introspect at first, which is a necessary step to move past rejection and find closure, but what’s equally and sometimes even more necessary is to consider the effort we put into introspection.
Most of the time, this is the last thing we do.
The more pain we feel because of rejection, the more irrational we become, and that pushes us away further from reality. This only snowballs the pain even more to the point where we get locked in the cycle of self-doubt.
The more you think about the rejection, the more you believe the causes that you’ve led yourself to believe.
“Look and you will find it – what is unsought will go undetected.”
Sophocles
How to Prevent Overthinking When Dealing with Rejection
To the self-critical overthinkers, overthinking is like wildfire—the more time and space it gets, the more destructive it becomes and the harder it is to contain it.
But once you recognize the overthought for what it is, it immediately becomes less effective.
We must understand that our deep introspection at an intense emotional state usually results in us miscalculating our circumstances and then shows us the worst possible scenario to believe in. Preventing overthinking can be done in two practical ways:
1. Pay attention to the pattern of thoughts and how they easily escalate inside your mind. Frequent breaks from excessive introspection will prevent it from escalating to harsh and unrealistic self-criticism.
In this case, meditation can be your best friend and it will help you in let go of the noise that’s spinning in your head.
2. Talk to an honest and trusted friend for their take on your situation. A perspective from outside will always be less intense and more emotionally detached, thus providing you with more grounding and sense of proportion.
2. Understand How Rejection Is Redirection
Rejection may not mean success, but every success has followed rejection.
If you think about it: every single major success anyone has ever had, one way or another has happened because of a rejection of some sort.
Example #1: Jay-Z
The famous rapper, entrepreneur, and record producer couldn’t find a single record to sign him as a young and upcoming rapper. In an interview with MTV, he said, “I went to every single record label, and they were like, ‘This guy is terrible. He’s nothing.’”
Any artist can be disheartened by being rejected consistently to the point of self-doubt, especially after being told you’re not good enough by more than one person.
But sometimes rejection can be perceived the way you want to see it. It can either be a dream-killing experience, or just a longer and even better redirection towards success.
In Jay-z’s case, he took the longer route and started his own label, Roc-a-Fella Records, and then released his own album, Reasonable Doubt.
“I could have easily been like ‘Maybe what I’m talking about ain’t right! Nobody wants to sign me! That would have stopped the suffering,” he said. “But I didn’t.”
Jay-Z
After selling about 36 million records, launching his own clothing line, and owning sports teams, I’d say he has done alright…
A longer route may have been harder for him as an artist, but in the long run, he manifested more options. With his own record label that he has formed he was able to find even more success through other artists such as R. Kelly and Kanye West.
Who knows? Maybe his major success might have not happened that way it did had he found initial success with another label as a rapper. His own record label may have helped him as an entrepreneur in finding more opportunities to expand his empire.
Example #2: Anna Wintour
Anna Wintour has once been fired from her position as a fashion editor at Harper’s Bazaar just after nine months of employment. Nine months isn’t that long, which makes rejection even more painful. When she looks back at her negative experience, however, here are her thoughts:
“Everyone should get sacked at least once,” she told author Alistair Campbell in the book Winners. “It forces you to look at yourself…It is important to have setbacks, because that is the reality of life. Perfection doesn’t exist.”
Only a mentality like that can help find the real meaning behind rejections. It’s that same mindset that has helped her become Vogue‘s current Editor-in-Chief for more than thirty years.
Example #3: Venom
One of the most prominent metal bands in the 80’s, “Venom”, has gotten one of the most straightforward rejections a band can receive from a record label:
Yet the band later ended up pioneering extreme metal by setting standards for all the future thrash and black metal bands to come for decades.
Even after getting that kind of rejection, the band still came out on top.
Looking back at just these examples, it’s quite obvious that rejection is extremely subjective that it happens to masters who excel at what they do.
To rise to the occasion, we have to get over obstacles along the way; obstacles that show where we stand and what we need to do to get to where we want to be.
Rejection is a pain in the ass, but it gives us the direction of where we need to grow and become better at what we do. Accepting that will only give us a better mindset for dealing with rejection.
So the next time you do get rejected, remember that it’s not the end of the world. Remember that this is only an indication that you’re not ready just yet. You have been rejected before, and you will get rejected again; it happens to each and every one of us. It happened to the best of us.
In fact, the best of us became the best because they were rejected.
3. Know That Rejection Is Better Than Regret
The fear of rejection can mislead us into thinking that we aren’t enough. Sometimes we become too shortsighted by the fear that we become unable to move towards our dream.
Giving rejection too much power can leave us paralyzed and frozen in time. Once the fear of rejection starts thinking for us, our minds go on overdrive thinking of all of the possibilities that could happen if we got rejected. Rarely do our minds focus on the possibilities of success.
And there’s no point simulating possibilities without going through the experience.
Some people never risk rejection by always choosing the safest route to “success.” They try to achieve safe success in smaller quality and quantity to steer clear of dealing with rejection. But the issue with avoiding risks is that you will always feel unfulfilled. You’ll feel that you could have had more had you tested your mettle.
That’s not all, you’ll also miss out on the sense of pride and accomplishment for achieving something that actually stands out and forms a great part of your identity. It’s the path that has involved risks, determination, and sacrifices is the one people respect and admire the most.
“Our great danger in this life is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.”
Rollo Tomassi
This also another problem with our shortsightedness; we like to believe that rejection is the biggest form of punishment for taking risks and trying, but we fail to see past that. We fail to see that the worst punishment is never knowing how we’d fare in challenges given the opportunity.
Rejection’s pain is temporary as long as we don’t dwell on it, regret’s pain, however, can follow us to the grave.
4. Never Take Rejections Personally
As much as dealing with rejection requires introspection, what’s equally and sometimes even more necessary is considering the unknown variables that play into the rejection.
– “Was I too corny when I approached her?”
Maybe she has rejected you because she just got out of a relationship. What if she’s already in one? Maybe she’s just not ready to entertain romance. There’s the possibility that she was just in a hurry. Maybe she just had a bad day at work. What about her having an argument before seeing you?
– “Did I mess up in my interview?”
Maybe you were great, but they found someone else who’s willing to get paid peanuts. It’s possible that they changed their mind about hiring altogether. Could it be that you were overqualified? Maybe it’s just a matter of experience and you’re just not ready yet.
– “Was I just not good enough?”
What if it’s just a matter of time? Could the self-criticism be exactly what’s holding you back? Maybe you just need to try again and harder. What if you didn’t do well because you’ve tried too hard? Maybe you’ve been too good. Is it possible that it was never your fault, to begin with?
Hundreds of possibilities, but we tend to choose the worst of them all; the one that points directly to us.
This isn’t to say that it’s never our fault, because this approach will prevent us from addressing our shortcomings. However, it’s important to realize how we usually think and introspect when dealing with rejection.
Sometimes we become too sensitive when rejected that we face difficulties thinking of any reason behind the rejection that might have nothing to do with us at all.
Understanding that not jumping to conclusions and taking things personally is one of the keys to dealing with rejection in the best way possible. This is a mindset that we must maintain whenever we fall short of our own expectations; we must always leave room for other explanations to take place.
Of course, the explanations might not be valid, but unless we get specific feedback to why we’re not getting what we want, we must remember that rejection is subjective.
5. Dealing with Rejection Requires Self-love
One of the greatest gifts self-love has to offer is keeping your identity grounded and intact.
When you really have a healthy amount of self-love, rejections can never drag you down. Sure, they can be disheartening and can hurt every once in a while, but they will never affect you to the point where you start second-guessing yourself.
Because loving yourself also means knowing your own worth; if you know your own worth, no rejection is going to be strong enough to distort your mental point of origin.
Moreover, self-love will always help you find the desire to try again and get past the obstacle ahead of you. If you know your worth, you know you deserve what’s in front of you, so no rejection is going to stop you from getting what you think you deserve.
“When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.”
Shannon L. Alder
Self-awareness & Courage
Dealing with rejection requires a healthy amount of self-awareness. If you overdo it, you’ll get too paralyzed to move on and repeat the process. Understate the importance of self-awareness, and you’ll never learn from being rejected. It doesn’t just end there; you will most likely react emotionally, possibly escalating your situation even further.
Becoming self-aware when dealing with rejection is definitely a skill that we have to practice to learn how to find the redirections following these rejections. But we can’t practice a skill unless we’re courageous enough to expose ourselves to situations where rejection is always a possibility.
We also must constantly be brave enough to keep rejecting our current state seeking the next better version of ourselves, otherwise, we become complacent and lose our sense of purpose that gives life meaning and excitement.
Let me know about your experience with rejection. How do you cope with it? How has it changed your life?
Also, don’t forget to share this article for someone who might need it.