Every man has been a Beta Orbiter for some woman out there, whether he likes to admit it or not.
Maybe it was when we were in high school trying to be with the cutest blonde girl in class. But it didn’t work out for us even though we tried our best.
And by trying our best, I mean being so accommodating that we ended up in the friend zone alongside 99% of our classmates.
Perhaps it was later when you were trying to get to that fit hot girl at the gym, hoping all these small talks would lead you to somewhere. It never did, but you kept trying anyway.
Until Chad showed up and chatted her up successfully in his first session.
Maybe it was that one time when you were so drunk at the club that you managed to get this chick’s number, which went your way, just at the time.
And that too never really went anywhere after the initial contact, so you kept on trying to initiate conversations every once in a while anyway, only to get ignored over and over again.
We’ve all messed up with our overpursuing and left our dignity behind to get that one girl we really wanted. And there’s no shame in going through this oftentimes humiliating experience, sometimes it’s good to go through such shitty times to know better — to know when to pursue and when to just stop.
But there are other times when we end up making the same goddamn mistake all over again while thinking things would be different this time. We try so hard only to end up being lined up as another worshipper for a woman’s free-validator and ego booster.
Another Beta Orbiter willing to orbit and join the console-her system.
But What Is a Beta Orbiter Exactly?
A Beta Orbiter is a friend-zoned follower with little to no boundaries when it comes to dealing with women.
He’s the guy who puts women on pedestals and prioritizes their needs over his own, hoping she’d recognize his efforts and magically fall for him.
He initiates every conversation, asks to hang out with her every other day, and is always afraid of losing her when she’s bored of talking and hanging out with him.
He’s the kind of guy who competes with other Orbiters for her attention and gets jealous over her little attention, even if it means listening to her as she complains about not having the bad boy she’s been banging for months.
Having said that, to prevent you from being that guy and to help you become more aware of where you stand when you’re dating, here are some of the signs that you could have ended up/end up as a woman’s Beta Orbiter:
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7 Not-So-Obvious Signs You Are Just Her Beta Orbiter
(And What You Can Do About It)
1. She Is the One Leading the “Relationship”
The biggest sign of being a Beta Orbiter is when the woman you’re into is leading the relationship. And if you have to ask yourself if she’s the one taking control of where it’s heading, then yes, she is definitely in charge.
Whether we like it or not, in any social dynamic, there is always one person leading and another following to form any sort of stable connection.
Sure, you can talk about being 50-50 and making decisions together as a couple and all that good stuff, which to a certain extent should happen in certain aspects of the partnership to move forward as a unit.
But ultimately, every healthy couple will have one person who is more assertive than the other when it comes to the direction of the relationship itself, not the specific tasks or roles involved.
In any functional team, one person has to settle in the Frame of the other.
A relationship that has two A-type personalities who have different visions of their romantic lives usually causes a lot of friction, endless arguments, and frustrating power struggles.
And you never want a relationship that feels like a competition; it’s a place full of landmines where you have to continuously walk on eggshells.
The bad news for Orbiters is that when they allow women to lead the relationship out of kindness, it almost always ends up being a friendzone. And the more attractive a woman is, the more likely this will be your case.
Because the more option she has, the more poor chumps she’ll happily line up for free validation and attention.
Moreover, unless one of her options completely stands out head and shoulders above the rest, she’ll have no desire to just choose one Beta Orbiter and pursue him genuinely.
One of the best ways you can stand out compared to the rest is by showing her that you can lead. Or in other words, you are able to have her in your Frame, not by force of course, but by subtly convincing her of what you have to offer as a man.
No matter what kind of relationship you’re seeking, women are always attracted to confident men who take control and know how to lead a woman into his life of abundance.
Even if she is a “strong independent woman”, she still wants a man who is stronger and more independent than her; she still craves that masculine influence that will make her feel “smaller”, secure, and taken care of.
Women absolutely despise taking responsibility for the whole relationship. Yes, they do like to take care of certain aspects of being a partner, but they cannot take men who are unable to lead seriously.
Once a woman finds herself leading an entire relationship, she will get frustrated, annoyed, disrespectful, and dry as a Sahara desert.
Women today might not like to admit it, but they love being part of a man’s successful journey, not the focus of it.
Want proof?
Just look at any typical friend-zoned Beta Orbiter out there with his thirsty social media comments, compliment-showering, and mindless pursuing.
Does he look like an attractive competent leader to you?
2. She Talks to You About Other Men
If both of your conversations seem to be about Tyrone out there not giving her any attention, then you’re definitely just her Beta Orbiter.
Because a woman who’s truly interested in you will never want to risk messing up her chances with you by talking about any other dude, even if she already had a good contender.
She will not talk about the guy at work she’s been fantasizing about. She won’t mention the unnamed beefcake at the gym she keeps pretending not to look at. And she will definitely not ramble about her ex who has been “such an asshole to her” but continues to remain in contact with him anyway.
Unless she’s mentioning other guys briefly to test you or make you jealous, she will avoid talking to you about her other potential suitors completely to let you know that she’s… very single.
3. It’s Always Hot & Cold with Her
A girl who’s not that into you but doesn’t want to completely lose you as a friend Beta Orbiter will want to give you as little attention as possible; just enough to not completely let you off the hook, and that’s if she feels that you have something to offer.
If she feels that there is a benefit in keeping you around — if, for example, she likes your free dates and their accompanying compliments, she will throw you a bone every once in a while to keep you orbiting for as long as possible.
These bones will come in the form of compliments, small gifts, a shoutout on social media, the “I’m so glad you’re in my life” line, and/or maybe even a small peck on the cheek.
This is the hot and cold dynamic women tend to employ to keep their Orbiters.
What men have to realize is that women love and thrive under free and full attention. It boosts their ego when they can get you to listen to them and make them happy when they don’t have to give you anything in return, and this ego multiplies exponentially when they have more than one guy giving their undivided attention.
It’s the equivalent of you, as a man, having a rotation of women to sleep with, with very little effort on your part.
So whenever you start getting this hold & cold vibe from her, don’t make that common mistake Beta Orbiters make — don’t panic and give her even more validation out of fear of losing her.
A Beta Orbiter will keep on giving until he gets exhausted for not getting what he wants. Once the girl notices that her Orbiter is getting out of her line, she’ll make sure her “gravitational pull” is in full effect by giving that orbiter a nice little hug and a peck on the cheek to refresh his will to chase again.
Knowing this manipulation tactic will help you avoid it and see it coming a mile away. Never stay at her arm’s length, even if it means losing her.
Maintain your abundance mindset and make sure you’re never putting into the relationship or interactions more than she does.
Stay in your Frame with conviction and believe that you not following her around when she pulls back is the only way to get her more invested in you.
And always keep in mind that there should be no such thing as hot & cold; it’s either hot or it’s cold.
| If you’re seeking a guide on developing that abundance mindset, the right mindset, to start attracting the perfect opportunities, interactions, and then dealing with them correctly, then I highly recommend checking out “The Abundance Mindset” guide. |
4. She Never Talks to You About Being Monogamous
This is for the purple-pilled readers.
Assuming that a relationship is what you’re looking for, if she never bothers talking about being monogamous with you after dating for a while, then it’s most likely just not going to happen.
What’s tricky about this grey relationship area for most men is that they give women excuses for not being 100% sure about them; they think like, “maybe she’s just not ready for a relationship yet,” or “maybe I need some more time to get her invested” after already seeing her for a couple of months.
The truth is a woman who thinks you’re good enough for her will push for exclusivity as soon as possible if she’s invested. She’ll naturally not want to lose you as a high-value man who has more to offer than the other and very common Beta Orbiters out there.
In fact, she’ll get insecure if she thinks you’re a catch but aren’t seeking commitment with her. She’ll get jealous and wary of the other women you talk to.
On the other hand, if she feels that you’re way too more invested than she is in your connection — even worse if she knows that you’re going to be there no matter what as the White knight you are have promised, then you risk being the backup plan, and that’s a “good” if.
Since she’ll be in a position where she has more options than you, thanks to your consent, she’ll have no problems waiting for another man she could find more attractive.
She innately knows that if you’re having oneitis for her, there is no urge to push for something serious with you.
If she’s not investing and seeking commitment, then you’re not the prize, and someone else will be.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, then it’s always helpful to keep a certain time and date limit set to avoid wasting your time and efforts.
5. She Never Wants to Sleep with You
Even though this is pretty obvious, any Beta Orbiter will always rationalize all the excuses women make to not sleep with him.
She’ll say that she’s just not feeling like it. All the time, every time.
She’ll come up with excuses to not be with you at her or your place because she’s “not that kind of person.” Even though she was happily staying at Tyrone’s with no problems.
She’ll be very wary of the distance between you two and moderate the interactions that take place. She might not even allow herself to be alone with you.
She’ll say something like, “I don’t sleep with men because I like to take things slow” as she waits for Chad’s call at 11 PM to just… hang out because she’s bored.
Well look, if a woman is really attracted to someone, she’ll just simply want to sleep with him.
No buts. No postponements. No pointless rules. If she wants you, she’ll at least make it easier for you to approach her.
Anything else other than that means there’s no point in you continuing to take her out for free meals every single pointless date.
The problem with Beta Obiters is that they get too hung up on this dream of being intimate with certain women that they do whatever it takes to win them over.
These delusional men put women on pedestals waiting for something in return, and of course, women aren’t stupid, they know when a man wants to sleep with them, no matter how much of a “nice-guy-who-waits” men try to be.
In these situations and if a woman is kind enough, she’ll leave that Beta Orbiter alone by directly rejecting him.
But if she likes his attention and whatever he has to offer (except attraction), she is most likely going to use herself as a dangling carrot to keep the Orbiter invested, doing what Beta Orbiters love to do — cluelessly spinning around themselves and around the pedestal.
To clarify further, let’s put it that way: if you’re not sleeping with a woman (but want to) and you’re always talking to her and taking her out anyway, how does that separate you from her girlfriends?
At least she’ll split the bills with her girlfriends, you know.
6. You Engage with Her More Than She Does with You
You could always tell who’s chasing the other by comparing how much effort each person puts in the relationship, especially when it comes to basic communication.
Even though you should be already able to tell, a good way to roughly estimate both of your interest levels is by taking out your phone and looking at your texts and phone logs.
Do you find yourself double texting more than she does? Is there a consistent back and forth?
Would you identify the length of your texts as bigass paragraphs compared to her short one-liners?
Look at the texts’ timestamps; do you answer immediately while she takes her time, days even, to text back?
As much as this might seem silly, and most Beta Orbiters will indeed see this as just childish, this is actually a very obvious way to see who’s desperately chasing the other. It is exactly that kind of evidence that will help you identify your shortcomings. Or your overpursuing in this case.
Now, you might ask, “But how much should I be doing to keep the connection going?”
A good rule of thumb for engagement would be putting in 2/3 of what she’s offering you in the relationship.
If she calls you three times, you call her twice, and for every 3 times she initiates a texting conversation, you return the favor twice.
You don’t have to be too strict and robotic about this rule, but it can be used as a reference to help you keep things going without letting your lead forget about you and, at the same time, without coming off as clingy and desperate.
Initially and at the start of any relationship, you might find yourself doing a little more than her, which is normal as the woman you’re dealing with doesn’t know you yet so there’s no reason for her to want to contact you that much. But you should always keep in mind that the 2/3 rule is what you should be aiming for so you keep her engaged.
As I’ve reiterated in many other posts before, women like to chase worthy men just as much as we like the endgame of our romantic pursuits.
Women like the journey of fantasizing about and pursuing high-value men for emotional and then sexual fulfillment, so when you prevent that from happening by doing all the chasing, you give them no reason to be intrigued by you.
7. You’re with Her, But You’re Not Really with Her
I cannot stress this enough, but a woman knows when you’re into her, even when you try to hide it, and especially if she’s attractive.
Because by the time you meet her, she should have seen it all; she should have seen a lot of attempts from men who have tried getting close to her everywhere and in every way possible.
Unless you really know what you’re doing and have good Game, she will most likely read your intentions right off the bat as pedestalize her.
Not that there’s anything wrong with her knowing that you’re interested in her, but the problem comes after her knowing the purpose of your interaction — every minute you waste not acting upon your intentions pushes you further away from your objective.
If you don’t have the balls to act upon your desires, she’ll automatically see that as offputting, because your inability to go after what you want tells her that:
1. You’re too afraid of losing her; therefore, she knows she’s on a pedestal. And women find pedestals as comforting and serving, never attractive.
2. You lack the confidence to pursue your goals; therefore, she’ll feel that you cannot offer the strength and security that she’ll primarily value in a male partner, and it’s not going to matter what type of relationship it is any of you are seeking.
Balls earn respect and respect creates attraction.
Have you ever seen a woman head over heels for a man she doesn’t respect?
I know I haven’t.
So if you’re with her, but you’re not really with her, it’s time to drop the act of being too friendly and start actually acting like a man who’s comfortable with displaying your desire.
Just don’t suddenly get too aggressive with switching things around, though.
The worst-case scenario of you going after what you want is that you get rejected, which was bound to happen sooner or later anyway. And it’s always better you get rejected sooner before you waste too much time, money, and other potential opportunities that could have worked out had you stopped playing girlfriend and Beta Orbiter.
Being a Beta Orbiter Is a Choice
The only person who can stop you from being an Orbiter for women is you.
Not her. Not me. Not good fortune. It’s just you.
I say this because oftentimes men who are stuck in the friendzone seem to think that it just happened to them. That life just happened that way or some excuse such as women just not appreciating what they have to offer.
But it’s a passive approach to life in general — to wait for good things to happen to you instead of actively putting yourself in a position where good things actually happen. Or to complain about being frustrated with not getting what you want instead of actively analyzing your approaches well enough to drop the bad habits and pick up the preferable ones.
The most important thing you need to do to get to a better place with women and people, in general, is to maintain your Frame and stop negative influences from taking place.
Never allow yourself to be passive enough for people to use you, your attention, and your time for their own entertainment and validation. When you respect your own time and efforts, you will proactively eliminate all possible situations of being taken advantage of.
Know your worth and people will act accordingly.
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