What You Exactly Need to Do When He Pulls Away & Ghosts You

I know. It sucks when he pulls away.

It’s selfish, frustrating, and sometimes even flat-out disrespectful.

And maybe it’s not the first time it has happened. Maybe he pulls away all the time when faced with slight discomfort, with little to no explanation whatsoever.

But why does he react that way instead of just telling you what’s on his mind?

Why doesn’t he take the time to explain himself? Wouldn’t that just make things easier?

Well, worry no more. I’ve got you.

In this article, I’ve covered the most common reasons why a man would ghost you, and then what you exactly need to do when he pulls away:

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1. He’s Just Not Interested

The most common reason why men ghost women is low interest.

When men are disinterested, they typically and gradually talk less, withdraw more, zone out frequently, and have no real interest in engaging conversations.

This might be extremely obvious, and it always is when you’re not the one involved in the relationship itself. It’s easy to point out a man who’s not interested in your best friend, sister, coworker, etc.

But when you are the one dealing with someone who’s not that into you, your ego is involved, and your ego likes to get what it wants.

When he pulls away for no obvious reason, it’s not a sign that you should be trying harder, it’s an indication that you need to do the same.

Because what your unsatisfied ego will do is look for hidden gestures and mixed signals for you to figure out why he’s pulling away and being dull in his interactions, and you being “hopeful” and not willing to let go will always confuse you into looking deeper for positive signs that are just not there.

2. He’s Just Playing You

If he keeps showing up and then ghosting you every once in a while instead of just consistently fading out of your life, then there’s a high chance he’s just playing you.

Most likely, he enjoys your company and will tell you that he does, but he doesn’t want to put more into the relationship to keep his options open or to keep things the way they are, with no further commitment needed.

So yes, he might like you, but he might not be at a place where he can take on an actual relationship or just at a place where he wants to explore his options.

For some women, being in a relationship with no strings attached is fine and might be exactly what they need, but for others who have already invested beyond that point or see no point in anything else other than a committed relationship, this hot and cold connection can drive them crazy.

If you’re seeking a commitment and you already like the guy, then you have to see things for what they are, and not what you want to be. Otherwise, you’ll get strung along.

So when he pulls away, let him be. When he comes back, be upfront about what you want in a gentle and nice manner.

If he sees a future with you and is ready for that, he’ll tell you and take things more seriously.

If not, he’ll go away for good, and while that might be heartbreaking or hurtful, you’ll at least have peace of mind by not getting entangled in a toxic relationship that would mess you up in the long run.

If you are struggling with your dating and want actionable tips for building long-term attraction, I highly encourage you to check out the extremely effective “His Secret Obsession” guide.

3. You’re Too Invested

If you’re the kind of person who falls in love in a few weeks and then wonders why men ghost you after a couple of dates, then I’ve got news for you:

Not that there’s anything wrong with falling for someone, of course, but romantic people who fall headfirst into a relationship tend to completely neglect the pace of the relationship and how it is actually going.

They get sucked deep into a fantasy — an imaginary world where the person they’re currently seeing is already feeling the same way about everything.

But that’s never the case.

Some people only need to go through this fantasy novel and get to the heartbreaking end once or twice to figure out how to pace their emotional investments, and then some others just don’t learn.

Being careful with your own feelings and evaluating where you both stand in a relationship is more important than wanting to have that perfect happily ever after.

Men sense when you’re investing way too much and too early, and it either scares them or it creates an opportunity for them to take advantage of you.

When you keep yourself in check at the beginning of any relationship, you give him more reasons to invest — more ways to come closer.

And this is not about playing hard to get; it’s more about making sure you’re both investing and appreciating one another.

Because contrary to what most people think, it’s not the act of receiving love and attention is what gets you invested into someone, but it’s the act of giving itself that makes you want him even more.

So when he pulls away because of your consistent attention and affection that go unanswered, don’t continue pursuing him and giving him even more.

Wait for him to make the effort to see and please you the same way you do for him; once he does start giving you more and more reasons to believe in him, you’ll notice his genuine desire to want to be with you.

4. You Could Have Done Something Wrong

This might not be so obvious, but sometimes you have to ask yourself why he has suddenly ghosted you, especially if things were going well at first.

Have you flaked on him?

Have you mistreated him in any way?

Do you think you said something that could have been taken the wrong way?

Sometimes, especially in the earlier stages of a relationship, men pull away when they realize that they haven’t been treated well or feel that they have been disrespected in some way.

Maybe you did do something wrong and know it. Maybe you have made a mistake but didn’t mean it. Perhaps you were simply misunderstood.

Whatever your intentions are, it’s good to go through your recent interactions without overthinking just to make sure you haven’t made an error that could ruin something that had the makings of being great and strong later on.

There’s always a possibility that miscommunication on your part is the reason why a potential relationship isn’t really going as expected, particularly if he hasn’t gotten to know you quite well yet.

So be honest with yourself and trust your gut feeling, make sure you haven’t done anything wrong so you have nothing to think about.

5 Steps to Take When He Pulls Away from You

1. Do Nothing

When he pulls away, do nothing.

The first step is to make sure you don’t do anything at all.

Don’t overthink. Don’t start figuring out ways to get him to talk to you.

And most definitely, if you know you haven’t done anything wrong, don’t ask him if you did.

I know you like the guy and that you probably even miss him as well.

But if he just pulled away for a couple of days and you react too soon, it’s not going to make you look too good.

Because as you’d expect, emotional reactions tend to be a little too much and regretted almost immediately.

It’s a little tricky and easier said than done; your mind will tell you, “be honest and tell him how you feel,” which sounds like a very comforting idea, but is it really?

If you think about it, this actually sounds like your mind doesn’t want to deal with the stress of not having a clear conclusion. The idea of not knowing what’s going on is very unsettling and can easily push your brain to jump to conclusions and escalate the tension further.

Once you “talk” to him about it, there’s a high chance that it develops into an argument. Not only that, but you’re going to come across as needy and clingy.

And this is any girl’s worst nightmare.

That “honest talk” can easily be misunderstood if not handled correctly, especially if this is just the first or second time he pulls away.

Early on, men don’t like to feel forced to report whatever it is that on their minds immediately, and that will definitely be the case if he’s the kind of person who’s active and has a lot of responsibilities to juggle.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

If you do manage to keep it together for a while, this period of silence can actually help boost your man’s attraction and future commitment towards you — it could be an opportunity to make you look more valuable and attractive.

Assuming that he does take you seriously, he will genuinely appreciate you more when you’re not there. He’ll respect you for having a life that’s outside his.

A man who’s not hassled but instead supported when he’s busy with something productive will gladly come back to you, not because he has to, but because he wants to.

So when he pulls away, do the same.

2. Don’t Take It Personally

What if he pulled away because of something that had nothing to do with you?

What if he’s under a lot of pressure at work and isn’t focused?

What if he’s sick? What if he’s dealing with a sick parent?

What if he has gone through hardship and would like to take his time to recover?

What if he’s temporarily unavailable because of something that has nothing to do with you?

There are hundreds of reasons why he could have gone radio silent, especially if he’s a grown and ambitious man who continues to better himself and his financial situation.

So when he pulls away, don’t take it personally. At least not immediately.

Don’t jump to conclusions or they’ll drive you crazy and far away from reality.

Once you fully understand that his absence may not be about you, you’ll be less eager to react and be more willing to wait and observe.

And the more you observe, the clearer the answers you get.

3. Talk to Him, Calmly

Of course, you have the right to understand what’s going on when he pulls away.

But how you go about it is very important for your ego, the potential future you could have with him, and the quality of communication between you two.

When you communicate directly with a man pleasantly without any negativity showing on your end, not only do you avoid any further potential conflicts that can get in the way and make it worse, but you also make it easier for you both to talk and deal with future conflicts should you continue being together.

And that’s very important.

Communicating calmly also steers you clear from a man’s potential defensive attitude when he senses an argument is coming his way. The last thing you want is escalating the tension or silence even further.

So how do you go about this?

First of all, put your ego aside when you text or call him. This isn’t a confrontation and shouldn’t be one, it’s still should be a conversation.

You’re not taking this chance to let it all out. You want to calmly express your disapproval of his behavior while also listening to what he has to say.

Because again, maybe he has his reasons and maybe you’ve done something wrong and you haven’t noticed.

“That’s cool. But what should I say exactly?” you might ask.

Well, this part is very simple:

The only thing you have to do is say “hi”, ask him about how were his past few days were, and that you wanted to check on him since he has been away for a while, just in case he “needed anything”.

Notice that there were no conversations about why he pulled away.

That should be intentional on your part because starting with a confrontation will push you further apart and make you seem clingy.

So at that point, he might give you an explanation for his absence on his own.

If he does, then great. You could start from there and continuing your bonding process, while also letting him know that he’s welcome to talk and let you know should he face a similar difficult situation.

But if he gives you short answers and seems like he doesn’t just care, then most likely he’s just not interested. If that was your case, then you’d know you’ve done what you could, to stop questioning yourself and wondering why.

You’d know enough to withdraw and never bother again while not seeming like you’re desperate for an explanation.

In this case, keep it short, end the call, and then off to step four.

4. Get Busy. Get Distracted.

I can tell you not to think about him all day when he pulls away, but that will never help unless you get start getting occupied with something that has nothing to do with him.

The only way you can get out of an emotional cage is by getting the mind engaged.

Get busy, and do the things you typically enjoyed doing.

Hang out with your friends. Get back to the online courses you used to be dedicated to. Rediscover that hobby you’ve started and completely forgotten about. Release some tension and stress by working out again.

There are so many things you can do to take your mind off the endless questions that will waste your time and still remain unanswered.

If you truly don’t know why he has ghosted you, then there’s absolutely no point giving him more value inside your own head by continuously thinking about him.

I know this might be difficult, especially you’ve already are/been in a relationship with him. It is easier said than done, but we have to start somewhere, right?

Pushing through mental and positive work of any kind will speed up the distraction process, and before you know it, you’ll suddenly either get clear answers one day or just care less about the connection you have with him altogether.

And that’s exactly where you want to be: caring less about him and focusing more on you.

5. Explore Your Options

Now if you haven’t heard from him for a long time after your last talk, then it’s time for you to get back in the market and see what’s out there.

After all, we’re not going to wait for someone who just isn’t going to bother to talk to you at all.

Because at this point you must consider the possibility that a man who suddenly ghosts you and doesn’t come back for a long time is more likely going to invest in other options.

And you should do the same.

You have already met someone you thought was great and special, and now it’s time to meet someone even better.

But that’s never going to happen if you continue to stay sulking and sad about someone who isn’t willing to try for so long. It’s pointless.

You might want to start dating again and you might not feel like it at all, which is fine and you should take your time. However, sometimes taking action does change your mood and take your mind off things, so even if you absolutely hate the idea of seeing someone new, keep an open mind and explore your potential options.

You never know, after all; you might be surprised by a new guy and wonder why you’ve ever had to be mad about that previous flakestick from the first place.

But that’s never going to happen unless you actually consciously take that step to start seeking new options.

Take Your Time

I can’t stress this enough, but it’s extremely important to take your time before you react.

Wait. Think. Act.

There’s no rush when you’re already dealing with someone who has either already temporarily checked out of the relationship or just ghosted you for good.

Because who knows…

Maybe taking your time can actually trigger a clear response or an explanation. Perhaps taking a slower and calmer approach to dealing with his silence can actually encourage him to talk to you about his problems, which paves the way for even more communication to take place in the future.

Worst case scenario: if he was ghosting you for good, then not reacting intensely would actually make you look so much better and with less to lose.

And that’s how you’d like to end it.

Best case scenario: you show him that when he pulls away, you’re not going to chase after him, especially when you’re sure you’ve done nothing wrong. You show him that you’d always welcome a mature and two-way conversation instead.

And that’s how you’d start a healthy relationship.

How to Take Control of Your Relationship

Are you looking for more effective tips to end this behavior of men ghosting you; to finally turn things around for the better, for things to go in your favor?

Well, I highly recommend checking out the “He Worships You” Program by Michael Fiore, a very experienced relationship expert who has compiled a lot of actionable and extremely helpful guides in one single program. Here are some of the guides mentioned:

– How to text your man the right way.
– How to make him open up to you instead of being clueless about what’s in his head.
– How to react when he pulls away so that he chases you more.
– How to make him want to spend more time with you.
– How to get past his defensive attitude to truly get to him.
– What you should NOT be doing to keep him devoted.
– What you exactly need to do to make him want to commit to you physically and emotionally, for good.

These are only some of the guides actually listed inside, check out the program for more.