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What Is Dread Game?
Dread Game is an approach that applies a certain degree of fear of loss or competition anxiety in an interaction or a relationship.
Dread is used to indicate or remind someone of your value, usually by showing that you’re willing to remove yourself from a situation, walk away, or seek another option as a replacement in order to gain more power or respect in the power dynamic that is a romantic relationship.
Dread can be applied in any sort of connection where value and investments are involved, but this article discusses Dread Game in a man-to-woman context where the investment is emotional and the value is sexual.
Why Do You Need Dread Game in Relationship?
The Power Dynamic in Relationships
Any relationship involves a certain power dynamic where one needs the other more — one has more power over the other.
The power dynamic will obviously vary from one connection to the other, but if you look at all the healthy functioning long-term relationships, you’ll most likely find that it’s usually the masculine man is the one who holds more power in the relationship.
That’s no coincidence.
This is exactly how male-female relationships have formed over the past hundreds of thousands of years.
The masculine man leads and protects while the feminine woman nurtures.
The only difference is that hundreds of thousands of years ago, you had to club people on their heads to either protect your woman and babies or take other people’s resources when necessary for your own survival.
Women back then understood the game: find the biggest and strongest alpha man that they can attract for protection and security provisioning.
Men too knew the game: the stronger and more capable they are, the more they’re fit to lead and the more access to women they’ll have.
Each gender knew the mating strategy of the other and played its card accordingly.
Women understood what men desire the most, so they did their best to compete with other women over the desired men for their attention.
Alpha men too were obviously aware of the necessities women looked for.
But the capable men also knew that they can keep their limited attention and resources only for the most helpful and likable partners that they can have, which means that resources, power, and attention were only presented to women who, in general, added to these men’s lives.
Women dreaded other beautiful women and their high-value men being unavailable.
That’s why thousands of years later, your wife gets annoyed when she notices you smiling and talking to the pretty young waitress.
That’s why she complains when you hang out with your friends too much.
Her instincts enforce her to react to Dread in a similar way they kicked in when you accidentally flashed those abs.
So when you fully understand how Dread works and when to use it, you’re going to do you and her both a favor and enjoy a more sexual relationship.
Relationship with No Dread Sucks For Everyone
When you’re dating someone who has no fear of losing you, that no matter what she does you’re going to stay just because you’ve promised, then she’s not going to genuinely respect you.
And when there’s no respect, there’s no attraction.
When there’s no attraction, there’s no loyalty.
Therefore, when there’s no fear of loss, there is no value in staying with you.
If she doesn’t value you and instead takes you for granted, she won’t look up to you, listen to you, desire you, and help you with your mission and goals in life.
At that point, it’s going to be a matter of time before she grows to be unhappy and sexually frustrated enough to wonder why she into a relationship with you in the first place.
This is how the human mind works — it only appreciates what is scarce, in-demand, and difficult to keep.
And that’s why you need the element of dread. Because the alternative is a miserable, dead-end, and sexless relationship.
That’s the case for the blue-pilled beta men who have been taught to put women on pedestals all their lives.
Instead of applying any sort of Dread, typical blue-pilled men always focus on making their women comfortable, thinking that comfort equals happiness.
While that sounds practical and noble even, these same men end up with a lot of random drama, negativity, and infidelity in their relationships.
Do they ever realize their mistake of continuing to give and please?
Nope.
They tend to double down on what’s not working. These helpless men try to appease their women further — to operate in their women’s Frame and prioritize her emotions and wishes even more.
And do these women ever get satisfied with their ever-serving husbands and boyfriends?
Nope.
These women come back with even more drama, get even more unsatisfied, and unintentionally look for more ways to seek for more power in the relationship, with the excuse of trying to be happier with their male partners.
This is not necessarily the woman’s fault; she most likely doesn’t even know why she’s acting the way she does when unhappy.
But it’s all on you, the man who needs to be in control.
When men become more accommodating women become more in control of the relationship and where it’s heading. And women absolutely despise being responsible for the relationship, even when they say otherwise.
Because what a woman truly wants isn’t a man who makes the relationship more comfortable at his expense, but a man who is capable of confidently leading her and her family on a path that only he is responsible for.
She wants a masculine man with a strong Frame that is worth submitting to.
She wants to be part of his reality.
Bad Boys vs. Nice Guys: Dread Vs. No Dread
To get a clear understanding of how effective Dread Game can be, let’s explore bad boys and nice guys as opposite ends of the dating and Dread Game/strategy spectrum.
Nice guys don’t apply dread game at all.
They’re incredibly kind and wouldn’t even dare to introduce any dread to the women they love.
Because how could they?
“How could milady feel even slightly uncomfortable in this friendship that one day might be a romantic relationship? I don’t want to ruin my opportunity to date this queen,” a typical nice guy would think.
So he’ll typically “date” one woman at a time.
He’ll initiate all the conversations between him and his desired target.
He’ll panic when she doesn’t respond for days and then double text out of fear.
He’ll be available to listen to her talk about everything and for as long as she wants.
He’ll take her on the most expensive dates and buy her everything she asks for.
He’ll give her everything he has to offer, only to be put on the Beta shelf for another man who does absolutely nothing in comparison.
More comfort. Little dread. Zero girls.
Now the bad boy, on the other hand, doesn’t even care.
He just does whatever he wants whenever he wants, and he’ll not give a damn about what others think.
He’ll date multiple girls at once because one isn’t enough.
One of the girls he’s dating knew about the others? It doesn’t matter.
Does it stop her from wanting to date him? Not really. In fact, she’ll want him even more.
That bad boy almost never initiates conversations. And when he does, it’s straightforward and to the point.
Do the girls stop talking to him because of that? Some might do, but some never do, and can’t wait for his messages.
Does he ever panic when a girl doesn’t respond? No, he’s got options and will just find someone else to talk to.
The girl will always complain about the bad boy to the nice guy and still end up sleeping with the bad boy.
Little comfort. More dread. All the girls.
“Women want to be with Men who other women want to f*ck, and other men want to be.”
— Rollo Tomassi
Is Dread Game Evil? Manipulative?
Obviously, if you’re going to constantly keep a woman on her toes and actively maintain a state of fear in a relationship, then it is going to become immoral and manipulative enough for a woman to dump you.
How, when, and to what extent you choose to apply dread game is important and makes all the difference.
Are you actively and intentionally using dread on a daily basis just to keep her in check?
Do you keep clearly making a point to her that she’s not making you happy?
Do you find yourself giving ultimatums regularly to prevent your girl from doing something you don’t like?
If you find yourself using dread as your primary method to control the relationship, then it’s going to stem out of insecurity and your fear of loss.
Red-pilled men who have nothing else to offer will use dread as the only means to stamp their authority over their partners. Out of fear of losing control, they will weaponize dread to tackle any conflict instead of handling things maturely and calmly with conviction.
Low-value red-pilled men are like:
“She’s not cooking the food I want. Dread is the answer!”
“She has shit tested me once a couple of months ago! She needs some dread.”
“She made a bad joke that I didn’t like last week? Dread Game for sure. That’ll show her!”
So, Dread Game, on its own with no other real value, is extremely unhealthy, toxic, and will kill off your connection for good.
But when you know you add a lot to the relationship and are able to make your woman better and happier as a partner, she’s normally going to want to keep you and will work to do so.
This means that actively using Dread Game isn’t always necessary.
Because when you know your own worth, set and maintain boundaries, and be the prize in the relationship, she’s naturally going to dread losing you.
The main difference between manipulation and internalization is being aware of dread and actively utilizing it when it’s absolutely necessary and not making it a default state for the relationship.
How Do You Apply Dread Game?
There are many ways you can run Dread Game in a relationship but it really depends on the situation, context, and how much a woman is already invested in you.
What works in a long-term relationship doesn’t necessarily work when you’re on your 2nd date, so it’s very important to be able to read the situation correctly so you don’t come across as a socially inept man who doesn’t understand the dating game or how women work.
Let’s go over a couple of examples to get a better understanding of Dread Game:
Scenario 1: Using Dread Game to Prevent Relationship Stagnation
So let’s say you’ve started dating this girl for a couple of months. She likes you and you like her and this has been this obvious to both of you for a couple of weeks now.
In the sixth month of your new dating process, however, you notice that she’s not excited about talking to you as she was at the beginning of the relationship.
You notice the difference and then think to yourself, “well, that’s okay and reasonable. She has other things to do. We can’t keep up the exciting vibes forever.”
In truth, you don’t want to seem insecure or needy by talking to her about it, so you just avoid dealing with this obvious gap and pretend everything’s okay hoping the relationship will just fix itself.
But you notice she just doesn’t engage at all.
You have to initiate every conversation unless she wants something from you. And when you do talk to her, she seems indifferent and not too keen on an exchange.
The Problem
Your girl won’t be excited to talk to you if you’re always available and just a few keystrokes away.
Sure, it seems like the right thing to do to be there for her all the time.
But she’ll get bored with you. That’s a fact. Even if she says she’s thankful that you’re always there for her, she sometimes secretly hopes you actually weren’t.
There’s the right thing to do and then there’s the sexy thing to do.
Boring doesn’t equal attraction. Attraction equals investment. Investment equals healthy.
Dread doesn’t equal boring. Dread equals attraction. Attraction equals investment. Investment and attraction equal more reasons to hump your brains out.
Simple.
There’s no mystery when you’re always there.
There’s nothing to worry about when she knows where you are at any given point.
You make her too comfortable by always texting her and letting her know where you are.
And when she’s extremely comfortable, there is no desire to chase and please you.
Because you’re already doing all the work for her.
Every once in a while, you need to inject a little life into your relationship — some Dread to keep things interesting.
The Fix
Generally speaking, when you’re not always available for your girl because you have other things to do, you’re going to naturally apply a healthy amount of dread in your relationship.
Don’t always wait for her to be free to hang out with you. Hang out with your friends.
Don’t always wait for her scheduling to plan a vacation. Get your boys and go somewhere fun.
Don’t mess up your plans because she’s bored and wants you to come over. Your goals are more important in the long term.
Will she be happy with that?
Of course not, but this is isn’t about her immediate satisfaction.
She will complain about you not being there every once in a while, but she will respect you and therefore become attracted to you for not being needy and lifeless.
Scenario 2: Using Dread/Silence to Deal with Disrespect
Let’s say you’ve been in a long-term relationship for years.
You and your partner are at a social gathering with a couple of friends who are also in relationships.
At one point you happen to be with your wife and one of her female friends. You’re hanging out and that friend and your girlfriend get into a random intense conversation about relationships. The friend is obviously fed up with her beta husband who, for some odd reason, is unable to maintain any boundaries in his relationship.
So the female friend gets into the conversation and then starts making fun of her husband. Precisely, she gives him flak for not being a good listener.
You know, basic solipsistic shit.
However, your girlfriend, maybe out of frustration after the last “argument” you’ve just had on your way to the gathering, momentarily relates to her friend and indirectly makes it clear that you too have a problem understanding her sometimes.
With a poor display of humor, she jokes about how you act stubbornly when she thinks you don’t really need to.
After making that comment, your girl immediately notices that she might have disrespected you, so she looks at you for feedback.
And there she sees it. The look of disapproval on your face.
You, obviously, didn’t like that at all.
You’re even surprised because that’s the first time your girl does something like that.
But you’re not going to throw a hissy fit right there and then. You don’t do that with your girl in private so you sure as hell not going to do that in public.
Only weak emotional men do that.
So you just decide to get up and leave her with her friend to go talk to others in that gathering.
Your girl realizes that you didn’t appreciate the silly comments and her friend realizes that you’re not a push-over like her husband who’s going to laugh it off, sit there, and take it.
Point made, for now.
The Problem
At around midnight, the gathering comes to an end and everybody says their goodbye. You silently take your girlfriend to your car and go back home.
The ride back home becomes silent. Obviously.
She starts making small talk about the gathering to break the silence, but you don’t fully engage in the conversation because you’re not going to let her simply get away with her earlier misbehavior.
She notices your unwillingness to engage and gets frustrated — she knows when the silent treatment is coming.
As most women would do in the situation, she just doesn’t apologize or even address her mistake. She, acting as if nothing has happened, asks, “What’s wrong?”
You respond calmly, “You know what’s wrong.”
She replies furiously, “Well, it’s you who didn’t listen to me before, remember?”
The Fix
Now, there are two ways you can deal with this:
1. You could start reminding her of what she said, listen to her BS her way out of it, and go on a tangent with the argument by bringing up other past incidents to smokescreen the last one.
2. Use dread. Don’t take any of her baits and go radio silent.
This will mean you won’t engage with any emotional tantrums to stay on point.
By applying dread, you leave your girlfriend with nothing else to work with but facing the last incident that actually caused this silent treatment to begin with.
You also don’t give her any attention to reinforce bad behavior on her part.
What a lot of men fail to realize is that women feed off attention — any kind of attention. Angry and emotional outbursts included.
It’s like dealing with a cat that pushes cups and vases off shelves.
The cat knows for a fact that breaking stuff would bother you and get your attention long enough to come and fix it.
Even if you yell at your cat and make it clear that you don’t like your stuff broken, it will still do so whenever it feels like your hard-to-get attention isn’t coming its way.
And women go absolutely nuts once your hard-to-get attention isn’t coming their way.
If you’ve been consistent with Dread, she’ll think twice before upsetting you and if she does, she will most likely avoid pushing it further by smokescreen-ing or even blaming the drama/problem on you.
Removing your attention is the best form of dread that can be used in long-term relationships when walking away isn’t the best option to take and when disrespect is minor. But that only works if your attention is worth much and when she’s absolutely invested.
Scenario 3: Using Dread Game for Competition Anxiety
Imagine this scenario:
You’re in the early stage of a relationship with a woman.
You and your girl are out on a date and having a good time, and all of a sudden, she remembered that one time when she noticed you texting another girl and being all smiley about it.
Even though you both weren’t exclusively dating at the time, she still got bothered (jealous) by it, to the point where she brings it up a couple of months later.
“What was she saying that made you all giddy like that?!”
Shit test spotted. Comfort test, to be exact.
You know that engaging in her little argument logically or emotionally will only go south, so you decide to keep it light and deflect her question, “What can I say? She really liked my nudes.”
At that point, she understands you won’t tell her what she wants to know. You never have and you never will.
“Are you still talking to her, at least?” she asks in a semi-defeated tone.
You know why she’s asking.
Even though you’re not really talking to someone else in that sense, you still don’t want to make your girl too comfortable.
“Well, my onlyfans account won’t fund itself. Gotta keep my customers happy,” you respond with a smirk on your face.
She laughs a little, enough to ease the tension as she looks away with slight concern.
You pick up on that look and understand what she’s feeling; it’s that look of uncertainty — she doesn’t know if she truly has you locked away from every other woman out there, but she secretly loves it.
“The key for the man is to adopt a posture of blase emotional distance alternated with loving tenderness. Too much of either and she’ll run off.”
— Heartiste
Internalization Is The Key
Dread Game works best when you’re not actively running it.
Men who try to apply dread all the time tend to do so because they have nothing real to offer.
And because they don’t have the right qualities to back up their intentional influence, their roles as masculine partners often become vulnerable due to their lack of strong long-term traits that can sustain a healthy relationship.
Those who overuse dread might get ahead, especially with damaged girls who have abandonment and daddy issues, but even that toxic dynamic won’t last for long.
Because whether we like it or not, we’re all in an honest sexual marketplace where our values are already being tested and determined — women can see us, men, compare us against one another, and know the difference between a man who’s all talk and a man who walks the walk.
So the insecure men who weaponize dread will get quickly figured out by their female partner thanks to women’s natural ability to sniff out BS.
And once a woman notices that you’re all talk, she’ll lose respect for you and then leave or replace you with a more capable man who actually has something to offer.
Think of Dread as a supplement — it helps your relationship move in the direction you want when conflicts arise, but it should never be the foundation of your relationship.
When you position yourself in the dating marketplace as a high-value man with an abundance of options, you’re naturally going to apply dread in your interactions with women without you even noticing it.
And when you’re spoiled with options, you won’t have the need to act with a scarcity mindset around women.
You won’t have a reason to deal with a woman’s BS or bad behavior because you already have other women lined up willing to treat you as the high-value man you are, thanks to your qualities that speak for themselves.
Your resulting lack of interest in engaging in typical nice guy/white knight/beta orbiter dating dynamics within itself is the basis of Dread Game — the ability to walk away from unfulfilling connections with women.
By also having a life outside of your relationship that’s full of meaningful purposes and goals waiting to be achieved, you’re going to automatically have a more satisfying, fruitful, and interesting life that will automatically reflect on the woman you’re with.
And she’s therefore not going to want to leave.
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