never force anyone to talk to you

13 Certain Reasons Why You Should Never Force Anyone to Talk to You

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Never force anyone to talk to you, no matter how good of an excuse you come up with to do so.

People do desperate things when they’re frustrated or under pressure — they start to forget about their own standards, common sense, and other people’s preferences and boundaries.

Whether it was a relationship, friendship, business partnership, having someone deal with you when they really don’t want to will always end up hurting you, one way or another.

Here are the reasons why you should never force anyone to talk to you, and then how you should handle things instead.

13 Certain Reasons Why You Should Never Force Anyone to Talk to You

 

1. Your Connection Becomes Fake

Nobody likes to do something they really don’t want to do.

No matter how avoidant or passive someone can be, nobody will ever really like you more for being made to deal with you.

People, in general, want to feel like they have made their own choice to interact with you rather than having no other options, even if it’s not 100% true.

When you force someone to talk to you and if they don’t want to confront you, they will behave in a disingenuous manner and will be fidgeting and waiting to end this interaction.

Because they had no choice or desire to participate in that interaction.

By forcing someone to talk to you, you also take away all of the real desired outcomes that could have happened should you just let them be.

They will smile until you’re gone.

They will go along with whatever you have to say, and then immediately find ways to never have this forced interaction again, the moment you look somewhere else.

They will tell you something they think you’d like to hear with the sole intention of having you just leave them alone.

Unless they are comfortable enough to be direct and honest with you, people who are forced to do and be somewhere they don’t want to be in will do so until they find a plan B, that’s always going to be against you.

So if you want to have the most authentic and pleasant interactions with someone, never force them to talk to you.

2. The Force Will Never Stop

never force anyone to talk to you

Once you use any form of intimidation or pressure to have someone dealing with you, you’ll eventually have to keep up with this toxic cycle.

You’ll realize that since you can’t have someone genuinely wanting to deal with you and that force is the only option, then you will only find more excuses to keep using the same tactic over and over again.

In your mind, the only “successful” way for you to interact with them is if they have no other option since it has “worked” before.

Nobody actually wins when you force them to talk to you, so instead, how about you find other positive ways for them to desire being with you?

3. You Sign Up for More Problems

What people usually don’t realize normally happens is that when you force someone to talk to you, especially if it’s more than once, you invite problems to your life.

Whenever someone is cornered into a situation, retaliation always becomes a viable option for them.

Because of the pressure that they’d like to end, they will get eager enough to find a way for you to leave them alone, at some point.

Maybe they know someone who has more influence than they do.

Perhaps they indirectly find ways to mess up something valuable you have going, so they can get you without getting caught.

Never underestimate anyone’s position thinking you have the upper hand; there’s always another hand you won’t see.

4. It’s Mentally Exhausting

The mental energy it takes to construct ways to force someone to talk to you isn’t that little.

Once you start going and learn that this is the only way that’s, again, “working”, then you’ll have to keep going with the same energy.

All forms of pressure require time to think and plan for. You will always have to be steps ahead to keep up with whoever you’re trying to keep following your will.

Does this sound like a good situation for your peace of mind?

Also, the more mental energy you have to exert into using force of any type, the more rent space in your head that person gets.

By thinking about them too much, you eventually give them more attention and value than they actually deserve.

5. It Shows You Lack Actual Power

Force is insecurity.

Whenever you have to force someone to talk to you, you show them you actually lack positive influence.

You show them that you’re desperate and don’t have real substance — that pressure is the only thing you can muster up to keep engaging with them.

And when someone you’re forcing into doing something sees that, it becomes a matter of time before they either just leave you or have you in an unfavorable situation to be even more helpless.

By exposing lack of actual substance, you put yourself in a position to be hurt even more later on.

You simply made yourself a target for someone who just didn’t want to deal with you and will have no option but to overpower you in some way to escape that unhealthy connection.

6. You Dislike Yourself More

Every time you force yourself or someone else to do something they don’t want to do, you end up liking yourself a little less.

Whenever you have an inauthentic exchange with someone, you teach yourself how to accept inauthenticity, and your inner self has to struggle with that.

Simply because it knows you’re in a situation that you prefer not to be in.

And that’s just when you’re having an interaction you don’t to have. Imagine what it’s like pushing yourself to force someone to talk to you.

Whenever you have and create such a negative experience, your own self struggles to accept what you’re doing more and more, disliking what you’re going through even more.

Not only that, but when you start disliking yourself without noticing, it shows in your interactions with others.

And people will only like you as much as you like yourself.

7. It Exposes Your Lack of Options

If you have to force someone to talk to you, you show them you really can’t find someone else, and that’s always repulsive.

Especially in relationships.

If you have to use any tactics or pressure of some sort, the other person knows you’re so desperate to do that because you lack options.

Them knowing your inability to find others will just be another reason why they should avoid you.

If they know you’re lack options, they’ll think:

“If nobody wants to deal with that person, then there’s something wrong with them, so why should I deal with them?”

We all know that any person who is able to find other options will not waste time and energy trying to even convince someone into talking to them.

People with options think:

“They don’t feel like talking to me? Okay, no worries. I’ll just go deal with someone else who wants to.”

And that will be it.

Always act like you have options, even if you don’t. This will only get you people who want to get to know you while eliminating time-wasters.

8. It Makes You More Incompatible

When people are pressured to be in a situation with someone, they find more reasons to disqualify this said person.

If you force a woman into dating you, for example, she will be so repulsed by you that she will only sit there and find more reasons why she shouldn’t date you.

If you force a guy to talk to you, he’ll be more repulsed by the idea of listening to you that he will find more ways and reasons to avoid you instead of actually listening to what you have to say.

Force makes you more incompatible with others. 

It shuts down others’ minds and prevents them from being accepting and open to receiving your ideas and guidance.

People only accept you when they are in a good state of mind to do so, and force is never going to do that for you.

9. Your Reputation Gets Affected

Your actions are your reputations.

If you force anyone to talk to you, someone else will hear about it.

You’ll be known as that person who uses force to get what they want.

Does that sound like a good image for you?

The problem is we think that all our actions are limited to whoever we’re interacting with, but that’s never the case. 

Especially if there’s something negative that can be perceived about what you do.

Once more people know that you lack the security of letting people express their opinions and thoughts freely around you, they will steer clear from you, which means you eventually also lose future potential and opportunities to connect with others and have something they have to offer.

Be smart. Understand that reputation is very hard to get fixed once it’s negatively affected.

10. You Lose More Respect

People will respect you if you choose to let them go and come to you on their own accord.

When it comes to relationships, attraction is respect.

Nobody can be attracted to you unless they respect you. Nobody.

So when you have to force someone to talk to you, they lose respect for you.

If they lose respect for you, they can’t get attracted to you.

This concept applies to all kinds of relationships.

Friends can’t respect you if you’re unable to maintain a healthy friendship based on free will. 

And if they can’t respect you, they will have no interest in your company or attention.

Make sure you respect people’s decisions and choices so they can do the same for yours, even if it doesn’t work out.

11. You Never Learn the Right Way

The more you settle into using force or any kind of pressure to keep certain connections going, the fewer opportunities you get to hone constructive skills and mindsets that actually help you form authentic bonds with people.

Negative practices get you more negative practices.

Positive habits give you more skills and ideas for more positive habits.

Be careful with what you do and say regularly, your mind is always being trained to develop either positively or negatively.

12. You Have Problems with the Truth

The truth is a wonderful thing once fully accepted, but it’s easier said than done for most people.

Because for you to accept the truth, you need to value it more than your ego and desires, and that’s something most don’t do.

The truth is simple and easy to see. If someone wants to talk to you, they simply will.

But if your ego can’t accept the truth, that’s when using forcing them to talk to you sounds like a good idea.

When you want something too much and carry a scarcity mindset, the truth becomes ugly, frustrating, and something that must be avoided.

But when you make a promise to yourself to accept the truth no matter what, just accepting it adds to your peace of mind.

If you accept the fact that someone doesn’t like you because you understand that it is what it is, you immediately have no reason to keep investing in something that isn’t truthful, because you know that even if you continued to go against the truth, sooner or later it would blow in your face.

And then all of the efforts, worry, and thinking you had to put into fighting the truth have gone to waste.

13. It Shows Lack of Social Intelligence

Sometimes people want to force others to talk to them because they’re impatient and can’t wait for an answer.

We all know that one person who calls 20 times when you’re busy having another call or trying to get ready for a date.

Whenever you remember such a situation happening to you, you wonder why that person just doesn’t get it. If you haven’t responded once, then you’re clearly unavailable. Call number sixteen won’t make you go, “Oh, now I have received the 15th call, I have this sudden urge to happily respond.”

Instead, you just see that person in a negative light — like they’re weird or not so smart.

You also like them less because you simply get a clingy and forceful vibe; they selfishly want your attention and it gets creepy if it persists for too long when there’s no emergency. 

That’s what it seems like to the other person when you force them to talk to you.

What You Should Do Instead of Using Force

1. Understand the Numbers Game

The key to finding the best kind of relationships is playing the Numbers Game.

Most people never find the right partner on their first try.

A lot of people don’t succeed in their first business.

Most circles of friends are abandoned or simply disappear for the sake of having better friends.

But a lot of people never get that. They get stuck in the past and hope things were still the same, and when they’re too helpless and unhappy with their present situation, they try to revive dead connections and repeat failed attempts.

And if they’re too desperate, they’ll also force people to talk to them. Because they simply have nothing else better to do in mind.

They just don’t understand the Numbers Game and the abundance it brings to any aspect of life.

When you’re consistently playing the game and looking for new options, it becomes a matter of time before you find something or someone you actually like.

Once you do, you immediately recognize that this game prevents you from ever needing to act desperate and sift through the old connections that never worked out for a reason again.

When you keep going out on dates, you eventually meet someone who is truly compatible with you and know that, since you’ve already found someone who is good for you, you can always do exactly that again.

So what ends up happening is that you carry an abundant mindset — an attitude that makes you extremely attractive to those people you date and interact with.

Using pressure and force never comes to mind because you know that you can always either have a genuine connection with that person that gives you exactly what you want or just generate a new option.

You don’t even have to explicitly mention that you have options; your behavior will reveal your mindset to others, and they will wonder why you have that take it or leave it attitude and never really worry about losing them.

Abundance is the best place to be in, but you have to get there by playing the Numbers Game over and over again until you become skilled enough to come up with options whenever and wherever you like.

2. Aim for Influence, Not Force

There’s a huge difference between force and influence, and this difference makes all the difference.

Force comes from desperation; it’s something you go for when you’re helpless and find no other ways to get what you want.

Influence, on the other hand, comes from the strength of real character.

It comes from leadership and a place of abundance. It doesn’t force someone to talk to them, but it gives them great reasons to do so.

When you have influence over someone, you’re basically giving them a lot of actual value they can enjoy, all while not pressuring them to stay.

So whenever someone receives value and the freedom to stay, they will most likely end up staying because you make them better in some way.

They see you as a figure of strength that they should stick to, and that’s always a more reliable position for you to be in.

3. Serve First, Ask Later

People who have a lot to offer and want to become influential figures in others’ lives understand the importance of servitude.

That’s the difference between a great leader and an insecure boss.

That’s also the difference between a great lover and a leech.

People who offer value and give are great to be around. Everyone wants to be around someone who helps others in some sense.

If those people are smart enough to want to be with you, they will recognize the positive value they get from you and give something in return to have your attention and dedication.

If a great woman sees that you’re a man of value that doesn’t really need anything from anyone, she’ll want to give you something you’d like to get more of your presence.

She’ll want to talk to you on her own accord.

If a man everyone wants sees that you’re offering a lot of help even though he didn’t ask you for it, then if he’s smart and attracted enough, he’ll start doing more special things for you because he’ll simply want you more.

Always provide first before demanding.

4. Become their Positive Guide

Positivity is contagious.

People are drawn to you when you’re positive and have good company to offer.

They even eventually trust you, open up to you, and seek your guidance because, by you being positive, you create this aura around you that most people don’t have and get attracted to.

So when people are open to you and want to have you around because of your great energy, they’ll also be more open to your requests and suggestions.

They’ll want to give you what you want because you’re a pleasant person to be around, and by them giving, they also become more positive, so everyone wins.

If you’re the kind of person everyone enjoys being with, then you have no reason to force anyone to talk to you.

If you’re that guy, they have no choice but to come to you.

They don’t feel that you’re needy, suffocating, or forceful because you’re content with you who are as an individual. 

Everyone wants to be that kind of person, which is why we’re all drawn to one when we see them.

Stay True to Yourself & Others

If you make it a point to only allow people to stay in your life because they want to contribute, you only leave room for positive experiences and connections to take place.

If you try to, again, go against the truth selfishly by forcing an interaction to take place when it shouldn’t, you’ll like yourself less and prevent yourself from enjoying the authenticity of an exchange.

Instead of wanting someone to give you something, make sure you’re providing value first consistently.

Because when you’re someone of value, karma fulfills its role and gives value in return.

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