What is an Alpha Widow?
An alpha widow is a woman who has experienced at least one relationship with an alpha man of higher value.
This relationship doesn’t have to be long-term, but it’s usually long enough for the woman to set certain standards and expectations for the kind of man she thinks deserves.
An alpha widow who has been with a 9+ man on the SMV scale, for example, will have a hard time dating a man below that. To her, anything less than a 9/10 will not be worthy of her commitment and attention.
Anything less won’t make her happy.
Alpha widows are usually average in terms of attractiveness, which is why they get stuck in the dating world for not being able to readjust their expectations; hoping they once again find that high-value alpha male who can rock their world.
That’s why they’re called widows — they’re unable to move on from that one person who took their soul completely and find it difficult to replicate their previous passionate experiences and emotions that naturally come with being with that quality man.
Why Should This Matter to You?
The typical relationship strategy of an alpha widow is to monkey-branch from one relationship to another looking for that spark and intensity that she yearns for.
It might take her months and years to find that kind of man she’s accustomed to, and that’s if she does find one.
It’s very likely that you could come across an alpha widow and perhaps even date one while navigating the dating scene.
If you’re an average man who’s not aware enough to spot an alpha widow or know how to deal with one, you could easily end up in a miserable relationship where you spend most of your time and effort trying to prove yourself to no end.
And you’re not going to know why.
You’ll grow feeling inadequate, helpless, and resentful towards your alpha widow partner, dreaming of that one day she accepts you as a worthy man.
A competition you’ll most likely lose before you even try.
Having said that, here are the signs you’re dating an alpha widow for your own awareness and you can deal and avoid her:
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6 Signs You’re Dealing with an Alpha Widow
1. She Compares You to Her Ex Repeatedly
If she consistently compares you to her ex, then it’s not really you that she wants to be with; she just wants you to a carbon copy of her ex.
Most likely, it’s not intentional on her part, but understand that the never-ending comparisons indicate that she’s emotionally still attached to her ex to the point where she’d rather restart the exact same relationship than start a new one, regardless of who she’s actually with.
In short, you’re there to fill in for someone else.
The common mistake men do in this case is trying to talk to her out of her alpha widow state — to reason with her into looking ahead with you instead of rehashing past experiences.
But as Rollo says, “genuine desire cannot be negotiated.”
You can never fix an alpha widow using logic and reason, you can only give her the intense experiences and emotions to go through that would make you her new alpha figure to desire.
Whether or not you should try and can actually do that, however, is another story.
2. She’s Never Satisfied with You
An alpha widow has a certain set of standards she’ll never want to compromise.
If you don’t measure up, she’ll grow dissatisfied and you will always know about it.
She’ll consistently tell you that she’s bored.
She’ll frequently criticize and berate you even for the simplest things.
She’ll continue to disrespect and shit-test you on a regular basis.
And she won’t necessarily know why she’s behaving this way.
But if you’re red-pill aware enough and understand how women work, you can see things for what they really are when you explore her past relationships.
Look at how she talks about her ex(es) and note how she used to treat him.
If she’s was this completely different person who was eager to please her ex and was genuinely a nicer person overall, then there’s a high chance you’re dealing with an alpha widow.
Women, as much as possible, keep their emotions in check when they’re dealing with men they’re in love with and afraid to lose.
A woman will also think twice before challenging or disrespecting her alpha partner because of the scarce value he is and offers. In the back of her mind, she knows the high-value alpha man she’s with can easily discard her and find someone else for replacement.
So if your girl doesn’t keep her negative behavior in check, then you’re doing something wrong, and if you find out that she’s a completely different person around you, then she was never really your girl.
3. She Still Keeps Pics & Belongings of Her Ex
This might be pretty obvious, but the bullshit excuses men believe when it’s time for their partners to put all their exes’ old belongings away are baffling.
“He’s a good friend of mine now so I don’t have to remove anything.”
“I keep his stuff to remember who I was back then..”
“If you really love me, you wouldn’t want me to change anything.”
“Why do you want me to throw things away? You sound so insecure..”
“He’s in the past and you’re the love of my life now”
And what do guys do when they hear that BS?
They accept the situation for what it is even though they know deep inside that it’s not quite right.
These men just don’t want to deal with the fact that their partners still cling to their exes and would have no problems going back to their previous relationships given the chance.
Imagine that: you buy a house that’s absolutely yours…
You get a girlfriend that’s supposedly yours…
But inside your own house, your own girlfriend/wife keeps another man’s shirt for her to occasionally sniff and gaze at for quick trip down the memory lane.
A lane where you don’t exist.
It’s pretty simple; she still keeps his belongings because she still wants to keep a part of him with her. She wants her history with him to still be alive.
Because she’s an alpha widow.
If you’re looking for tips to successfully navigate through the dating world, then I highly recommend checking out this life-changing book “The Rational Male” by the brilliant Rollo Tomassi.
This book has definitely changed how I see relationships in general.
It has helped me fully realize the dating mistakes that I used to make in the past and why I’ve made them.
It has also given me a better understanding of the intergender dynamics and invaluable lessons that would normally take years and a lot of punishment to figure out.
I’ve written a book review that you can find here.
4. She Goes to Her Ex When Problems Come Up
Another sign that should be obvious, but gets excused with “good” intentions.
Unless there’s a business involved, your girl shouldn’t be talking to her ex.
If she willingly makes the decision to engage with him for whatever reason, then this should be a clear sign that there’s something wrong; she might not be as loyal to you as you’d like to think.
Alpha widows come up with the strangest excuses to get a chance to talk to their exes.
“He knows how the car works and I can’t fix it.”
“He helped me with work before and I wanted some help.”
“He bought X from Y before and I wanted to do the same.”
To the average blue-pilled beta, these examples could be perfectly reasonable justifications to allow his girlfriend or wife to contact her ex for help.
Accept her excuses and it will be the beginning of the end for you, so don’t take her nonchalant reasoning lightly — she knows what she’s doing.
A woman who’s completely over her ex will be independent and distance herself completely so she doesn’t ruin her chance with her present partner that’s you.
5. She’s Always Sexually Avoidant/Frustrated with You
Sometimes, if you’re underperforming in bed, you’ll just know. Her look of disappointment will be obvious.
And other times, you’re just not matching her intense previous experiences that have involved other men before you.
This isn’t a very obvious sign that she’s an alpha widow because she most likely isn’t going to tell you that you don’t drive her crazy as her ex did, yet you can still connect the dots.
Maybe she has told you before that she has a very high drive but then found out she’s a dead fish in bed.
Maybe she used to be engaging as she said but then that fizzled out quickly and now she’s always avoiding sleeping with you.
Maybe she has indirectly or unintentionally expressed to you that she had an active sex life in her previous years.
Women who steer clear from sex on a regular basis tend to get very agitated and restless, and while this sign alone might not identify her as an alpha widow, being sexless and frustrated will often give you hints that will help you get the bigger picture.
This might be a surprise to you, but a woman who can’t get her hands off you and initiates intercourse with you on a frequent basis isn’t going to think much of her exes.
6. She Subtly Makes Herself Available to Others
If she’s unhappy with who she has settled with and can’t get back to her ex for whatever reason, then it’s only a matter of time before she becomes promiscuous to find the new alpha.
Women usually find another option before they let go of the one they have at that moment to continue receiving the security or resources that they need.
Very rarely will they tell you directly to piss off and stay single until they find someone else who happens to be at least on the same level as her alpha ex.
So if she believes you’re not the one for her, she’s going to make herself available and you’re not going to notice it; unless you just know the game and how women think.
It will usually start first with her not being present with you for understandable reasons and then end with her cheating on you for also, in her mind, understandable reasons.
She won’t go flirt with other men, but she’ll secretly enjoy their attention at first.
She’s not going to text other guys, but she’ll respond if she finds an excuse to.
She will go to a nightclub and tell you that she’s there only because she’s celebrating her friend’s birthday, and then subtly work her way to an alpha stranger’s bed from there.
But all that could be avoided if you were that high-value alpha man.
If you were, she wouldn’t dare look away or even want to, again, because she knows that a prize like you would replace her within hours.
How to Deal with an Alpha Widow
Once you’ve recognized the signs that you’re dealing with an alpha widow, how you move forward is going to depend entirely on what you’re looking for.
If you’re looking for a short-term relationship and your girl is treating your connection accordingly, then it might not be much of a problem for you to continue having her around.
Personally, I wouldn’t recommend that situation even she’s just a plate to spin, because wasting your time and resources on someone who appreciates bits and pieces of you doesn’t make much sense. But to each his own.
But as long as you keep your emotional attachment in check and not have your ego slowly investing in trying to win her over to make her yours, because most likely, you’re going to burn yourself out and lose yourself in the process.
If a long-term commitment is what you’re looking for, then you’re most probably going to be her ex’s ghost, at best.
It’s not going to matter what you do, no matter how persistent and competitive you are.
Alpha widows tend to have their minds and hearts completely fixated on their ex, and you’ll have to be much higher in value as a man overall to get a competitive edge.
But when you really are a high-value man who has much more to offer, you’ll likely notice that the juice isn’t worth the squeeze; you can get someone else who’s mentally and emotionally ready to start a genuine connection with you with fewer distractions and baggage from the past.
Only you can decide if she’s worth the hassle, but if you choose to persist and explore a relationship with an alpha widow, at least be cautious enough to make sure the signs she has once displayed have completely faded.
Because she’s going to do her best to be careful and hide any signs that she’s attached to her ex, especially if you’ve already called her out on it before.
Don’t take her word for it; pay attention to her actions.
Take your time to observe and evaluate before moving forward; you want the relationship to be between you and her, after all.
Become Better Than the Competition
The best way to avoid the alpha widow dynamic altogether is by eliminating most of the competition and positioning yourself as a high-value man.
And the best way to eliminate most of the competition is by being the man most women would like to have and most men would like to be.
When you’re a rare high-value man who’s self-sufficient enough to not need any woman and sexually attractive enough to have any woman, the woman you choose is always going to be on her best behavior — pleasing you to keep you for as long as possible.
A man with such strong qualities and knowledge of Game and how women work is the kind of man who avoids alpha widows at all costs, simply because he can do better with his time and resources.