So you’ve been dating this man for a while now, and things have been going really great. So great that you envision a happy future with him.
But you’ve noticed that he hasn’t discussed any future plans with you. And you’ve assumed that it’s fine, for now.
You’re at the beginning of a relationship anyway, so there’s no rush, right?
In fact, you’ve made a decision to let things play out organically, for the “chemistry to settle in and grow naturally.” You want the present to flow towards the future, without too many rigid and conscious interventions.
“Who wants a forced relationship with someone anyway?” you ask yourself.
Because you don’t want to be that person.
You don’t want to come across as pushy, clingy, immature, or emotionally dependent. You’d rather be cool, calm, and collected. You don’t want to scare your date and ruin the really great relationship you have at the moment. But you don’t want to feel like you’re strung along either.
So you avoid asking very serious questions. Instead, you choose to live in the moment and see what happens, as your date keeps reiterating.
But your instincts still tell you that there’s something wrong.
That’s still not enough to stop the overthinking, I get it. You want more than just your gut feeling to make sure. So to help you with that and to help you confirm that offputting feeling, here are the nine definite signs you’re being strung along:
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9 Definite Signs You’re Being Strung Along by a Guy
1. The Future Is Bleak
“Not a single plan has been made for the short-term future, let alone the long-term. Not a word on being exclusive,” you wonder.
Weeks and a few months have passed by, and you don’t have a lot to look forward to.
It’s not that you don’t want to look forward to spending time with your date, you do, but you don’t know what it is you’re looking at. The future starts getting more blurry and the excitement is slowly getting replaced by anxiety.
It’s as if the future is almost intentionally being avoided. What if that was indeed the case?
So one day during a weekend, you hang out with your date as usual. You wait for a quiet moment between your conversations to drop the question. You muster up the courage and nervously ask; “so… what are we?”
You did your part, now you focus on his reaction.
He gets caught off guard by your forwardness. It’s as if you ask for something you shouldn’t have. For a split second, you do feel like you shouldn’t have asked that question.
It’s too late anyway. He responds:
“I-I.. don’t know.. we’ll see how it goes… I mean things are nice at the moment, and I-I’d rather live in the moment. Hopefully, things work out, you know…” they respond hesitantly while looking away.
Red flag.
It’s been a couple of months now. Your gut confirms what you’ve known all along:
You know by then that there’s a chance you’re being strung along, but you still see his good intentions. There’s a good potential future to spend with him. You understand that men typically need more time to commit, so maybe it’s just that.
Also, you know he’s a good person, so maybe he’s different than the other guys?
But maybe… you are being strung along, by a good guy with good intentions and no plans.
2. Commitment Becomes a Bait
So you’ve voiced your concerns but still don’t want to pull the trigger “too early.”
Can’t blame you.
But you see, the guy in front of you will know by then that a very serious relationship is obviously something you want.
As time passes, he’ll know you’re frustrated, even if you try to hide it. It will show in your tone (future sudden outbursts) and body language (withdrawal), and there will be something he’ll have to do about that.
Because for some odd reason, he doesn’t want to let you go just yet. At the same time, he knows that it’s only a matter of time before you give up on him, so he has to up his game.
So what does a guy typically do when he’s cornered by the commitment and choose to bullshit you anyway? Yep, that’s right, he obliges of course. Temporarily.
For the next few weeks, he’ll be on his best behavior. He’ll shower you with love and attention. He’ll be so attentive that you’ll almost forget about your worries and anxiety. It will almost feel like your relationship is brand new once again that being strung along becomes a bad distant memory.
But he’s doing that for a reason.
He wants you to look forward to the future; a future he doesn’t even know about. He wants you to stay a little longer until “he figures things out”, as he keeps saying.
What things?
We don’t know, but he promises you that he’s working on these things to make an exclusive relationship possible in the very near future.
The problem is him acting like the perfect partner will only make you desire a future with him even more.
So you, thinking he deserves the wait, become patient with him. In fact, you even start believing in some of his excuses:
“Maybe he’s just a commitment-phobe who needs to be with me more. Maybe he’s young and needs more time to figure things out. Maybe he needs to get over his past relationship so he can be fully committed to me.”
Lot’s of maybe’s.
But it’s only a matter of time before your gut feeling is at it again. You still think, “well it’s not going to be always right, right?”
Your part-time partner, however, already knows he has to keep you distracted so you don’t notice that you’re being strung along. So whenever you get mildly frustrated and voice your concerns, he puts out these doubts as soon as possible by bringing the attention to the ultimate dangling carrots — the commitment carrot(s).
These carrots look so damn good. Surely it’s worth waiting around for more to watch these plans and dreams take place in reality, right?
Or maybe you’re simply being strung along and none of the carrots will ever be yours.
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3. Little To No Communication
Another definite sign that your relationship is heading nowhere is noticing that as your relationship “progresses”, it’s as if time is the only thing that actually progresses. There’s no longer a growing connection between you; everything seems to be flat and short.
Conversations with your partner seem to get duller.
Saying “hi” becomes more of a chore.
Not a lot goes beyond the usual “what are you up to” text.
“It’s a shame if all that romantic buildup goes to waste,” you wonder. So you keep trying by talking more, asking more questions, and showing more love to get things going and keep him more engaged. But it still doesn’t work; you’re just carrying the whole thing on your own.
It doesn’t just stop there. Texts keep getting shorter. Calls become even quieter.
The anxiety.
“What has changed?” you ask your best friend; that same best friend who knew all about the potential relationship’s perfect start.
“Is this how relationships progress normally? Should I have tried more? Have I been too available so far? Maybe he’s just busy. Maybe it’s just a phase. Surely not every relationship has to be exciting all the time, right? That’s not possible.”
You start overthinking and put every interaction of yours under a magnifying glass. But you still know one thing for sure: he’s not trying anymore. You don’t know why and it’s driving you crazy.
He also seems to keep finding more things to be interested in as time goes on.
Suddenly he wants to reconnect with his old friends that he didn’t like talking to that much. Maybe he found a new hobby. Perhaps he would like to take his job seriously now, maybe for your sake too.
You’re giving him excuses, which to be honest, could be 100% valid. After all, you, again, don’t want to be that person.
You don’t want to come across as pushy, clingy, immature, or emotionally dependent. You’d rather be cool, calm, and collected. You don’t want to scare your partner and ruin the really great relationship that.. you were having a month ago.
So you avoid asking these scary serious questions for now, but it’s only a matter of time before your passive-aggression takes over, and you know what that’s like.
However, there’s something you have to know and remember in every relationship: if you’re being strung along, you won’t be taken seriously. He’ll simply never have time for you.
And you’re only a priority when you’re being treated like one.
Because you know he’ll say the same thing if you bring his absolute unavailability up. He will say that you’re his number one priority and that he’s just not [insert temporary excuse here].
You will have to remember that actions speak louder than words. We’re never 100% consistently available and that’s fine, but you’re surely still going to need more than 20%.
Now don’t get me wrong, it’s understandable if he gets busy with his work or purpose in life. In fact, he should be busy with something he’s passionate about for the sake of your relationship.
Because a happy relationship always involves a man who’s dedicated to his craft; it makes life an enjoyable journey for you both. A life of potential and directions will reflect in the relationship; something that will be in your best interests.
But a man who’s always available and sees you as his sole purpose will always flatter you at the beginning of the romantic connection, but it’s only a matter of time before the relationship becomes boring and flat. So you must be careful with what you wish for; sometimes being too available isn’t a great thing.
At the same time, you should never feel like you’re being avoided for a very long period of time. A happy man at work will come back and tell you all about his endeavors and even involve you if the opportunity presents itself.
Furthermore, as a healthy partner, he should be looking forward to spending time with you as much as possible. It doesn’t have to be mind-blowing fun all the time and every time you hang out, but it should make sense for him to want to be with you and have actual back-and-forth conversations for no reason.
But once the typical “sorry, I’m busy” texts start coming in for an extended period of time and too frequently, you have to stop and think.
Maybe it’s not entirely his fault that you’re not satisfied with the time you get with him. Maybe it is. You’ll need to take a good look at the whole relationship and ask yourself questions to judge the situation:
“Does he spend time with work or friends all the time?”
“Does he initiate contact for dates or activities every once in a while?”
“Do I feel like he’s taking me for granted?”
“Does he act all annoyed whenever I try to talk to him?”
“Does this seem to be temporary? Does he have a good reason for being distant?”
“Is he facing difficulties at work or with people in his circle?”
These are all questions that can give you a sense of where the relationship is heading and what you would need to work out.
Consistent disinterest, not hate or even anger, is a good sign that you’re being strung along.
If you do feel like you’re being left out of his life most of the time and for no apparent reason, then maybe you should withdraw your full attention from the relationship temporarily and focus on something else that you’d enjoy for a while and see how things play out.
Moreover, if this doesn’t work and he still doesn’t care at all, then you might want to have an honest and mature conversation with him to see if being with you is something he really wants, otherwise, you’re both just wasting your time pretending to be something you’re not.
You have the right to be in a relationship, after all.
4. You’re Always Being Compared To Someone Else
If you stay with a man who doesn’t take you seriously for a very long period of time, you’re bound to get compared with the ideal image of a woman that lives just in his own head.
Generally speaking, people who aren’t completely satisfied enough with what they have will accidentally voice out their frustration every once in a while, and frustrations can come in the form of comparisons.
If your partner slips up and starts comparing you with someone else in the middle of an argument, then this is something you have to note.
Comparisons show unacceptance of who you are, which is another very telling sign you’re being strung along.
It’s understandable if there are things that you’ll have to work on every once in a while to maintain a relationship. If you just expect a man to accept you the way you are as if you’re a single person who has no interest in compromising for a relationship, then maybe it’s not really a relationship you should be seeking; we must be realistic with the demands and changes of relationships.
But a man who’s overall satisfied will not feel the need to compare you to someone else. He’ll understand and accept most of the flaws he has signed up for from the start, and will not need to wish they magically disappear so you can become like his best friend’s girlfriend Sally.
5. No Contact With His Friends Or Family
You: “Your friends seem like cool people. Maybe we should hang out sometime.”
He seems to get a little nervous there for a second.
Him: “Yes-yes, definitely.”
But nothing ever really happens. He never bothers having you and your friend meet up. Why is that?
You’ve been having a good connection. You’ve been dating for a while, so it’s not like you’ve met yesterday. He seems to enjoy your company a lot. So why isn’t he introducing you to any of his friends?
Well, when you’re strung along with someone who isn’t looking forward to fully commit to you, there will be little to no mention of friends and family.
A non-serious relationship is always a boxed relationship.
Unless he’s naturally an extremely private person, if you’ve been dating for a while and you notice that conversations seem to always take another direction when there’s talk involving families and friends, then this something you’re going to have to keep an eye on.
Is this being done on purpose? Or is it just who he is?
We don’t want to jump into conclusions that will lead to a premature end of our relationship; sometimes having a conversation with your date/partner instead of your own mind can be extremely helpful.
He may have a valid reason for not mentioning the people he has in his life; he may have been dealing with hardships that he chooses to avoid talking about. It might also be because the relationship is in its earlier stages and that he simply needs more time before he finds it appropriate to bring up at least stories about his family and friends.
But if these reasons don’t seem to apply in your case at all, then it might possibly mean that he isn’t interested in bringing friends and family in what you have between you two. That’s always an indication of how serious he is about you.
A guy who takes you seriously will be excited about showing you to his friends first and then his family second. He will be proud to have you and will have a hard time not mentioning you to the people he trusts.
You deserve exactly that.
6. You’re Consistently Getting Disrespected
When you’re being strung along for a very long time, you’re bound to get disrespected.
In fact, accepting not being taken seriously within itself is a form of disrespect that should not be tolerated, assuming you’ve already had your talk about being exclusive, of course.
Furthermore, the disrespect is not just something that ends right there; disrespect will only lead to more disrespect. A guy who’s stringing you along will continue the disrespect, maybe unintentionally, in many different ways:
He’ll always be late. He’ll never take your advice.
He’ll never talk to you as if you’re a mature human being.
He’ll never give you any credit for doing something right.
He’ll never appreciate you for doing something for him.
He’ll never listen to what you have to say.
He keeps complaining about you to his friends or family.
He doesn’t keep your shared secrets to himself.
He’ll seem interested only when it comes to sex; after that, he switches off.
He’ll maintain a snappy attitude towards you when you talk.
He’ll low-key make you feel that you being with him is a drag.
He’ll always have something negative to say about what you’re doing and how you dress.
He’ll always act weird around other girls. He’ll hide you from other girls so they don’t know about you.
He’ll still hide you from other guys so they don’t know about you either. Go figure.
Understand that unless you’re keeping your dating options open, accepting being an option when you clearly don’t want that will only get worse for you.
Your most important role in a relationship is to maintain a healthy degree of self-love to keep your relationship in check.
7. He’s Only Great When You’re About to Go
Ah, the juicy part of toxic relationships.
Sometimes, you’re just pushed over the edge with his negligence and carelessness that you just muster up the courage to leave.
You’re probably not even sure if you’ve made the right decision when you go, but you just decide to disappear because that’s the only thing that you haven’t tried yet.
So you just stay away from him for a couple of days.
No more initiating calls.
No more responding to texts.
No more attention to his social media accounts.
Absolutely nothing.
Not that it’s an easy thing to do, but maybe you try that just because you don’t what else to do and ran out of options.
You think maybe keeping distance might teach him what it’s like for him to live without you.
So you ghost him for a while and hope it works.
Days, week, maybe even a month passes by.
So much time spent with you looking at the phone and stalking his IG and Facebook for updates.
But you manage to keep it together and keep your distance anyway.
Until that day finally comes.
That day when he makes the effort to really contact you and try to talk to you.
He comes back apologizing for his behavior. He starts listening to you. He tells you he doesn’t want to lose you. He promises you he’ll change. He says he was busy but now she got his priorities straight.
He suddenly becomes that man he was back then when he couldn’t keep his mind and hands off of you.
And because you’ve missed him so much and hoped that maybe this time he has changed for good, you take him back starry-eyed and exhilarated.
For a few weeks, maybe even days.
Just a couple of days go by in that mini-honeymoon phase, and then you start seeing his old cold and distant self creep back to where it was again.
That’s when you realize that nothing has changed; you’re being strung along. Again.
That’s when you also realize that he’s only great just when he is about to lose you.
8. Booty Calls Only
This sign might be obvious to an outsider, but to you, the one in the “relationship” it might not be.
When you’re first getting to know a guy, sex gets to be a huge part of your connection. You’re both either in bed or you’re thinking about being together in one.
And that’s very understandable — it’s a big part of a healthy relationship to be attracted to one another and acting accordingly.
However, it’s again, part of the relationship.
When it becomes the only thing he wants from you while you’re always sitting there wanting more…
When he only texts you randomly for pictures or for asking you to come over…
When he even avoids spending time with you after sleeping with you using lame excuses…
Then you’re definitely being strung along.
Because a man with empty balls is a very honest man.
9. You’re Alone & Burnt Out
Another good sign that you’re being strung along is realizing that the beginning of the relationship has been the best part of it all.
The rest of the relationship will seem like a declining period of frustration and disappointments.
You slowly start seeing the end right after the honeymoon phase.
A start of a relationship will be the most exciting part of course, but a healthy relationship has its ups and downs.
Ups… and downs.
If you notice that your relationship has been a consistent string of downs, and if most of the above-mentioned signs are there, then it’s most likely that your relationship was never meant to go far from the beginning.
Whether it was intentional or not, that’s a different story. But the truth is being strung along will always make you feel alone and exhausted in the relationship.
A relationship that once felt like home becomes a minefield. And you might still not want to stop walking through this minefield thinking that maybe if you just try a little harder, if you walk a little longer, then you’ll cross the damn field and come back home again.
But it seems to never be over.
You’ll feel too exhausted from trying to hold the relationship together. You’ll feel so tired of being let down that it’s kind of the norm, at that point. You’ll only keep wishing the past version of your partner comes back and you’ll keep wanting nothing to do with who he has become now.
Relationships need work, that should be expected when you’re dealing with flaws of his and your own. Long-term bonds will be hard to maintain when you’re growing older and passing through different phases of life together.
No relationship is going to be strong and tight forever, and that’s okay.
However, you have the right to feel that, every once in a while at least, you’re not doing all the work alone.
Listen to Your Instincts
Your instincts will tell you when you’re feeling that you’re being strung along.
Sometimes we ignore our gut feeling because we really want things to work out. We see the potential and how far things can go, but we forget that this potential is all in our head unless someone gives us a good reason to believe otherwise.
Nothing changes unless we get concrete plans for what we want to have.
Actions speak louder than words, and you must always gauge the success of your relationship by the efforts being made instead of the promise being made.
Remember that realizing your own worth will always help you avoid getting trapped in toxic relationships you never want to have.
| How to Take Control of Your Relationship
So you’ve finished reading this article and want more actionable tips to end this toxic chase of being strung along and finally turn things around for the better; for things to be in your favor? Well, I highly recommend checking out the “He Worships You” Program by Michael Fiore, a very knowledgeable relationship expert who has compiled a lot of extremely helpful guides in one single program, such as: – How to text your man the right way. There are not all the guides, so check out the program for more content and info. |
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