Getting over an infatuation can be extremely difficult to deal with if you don’t know what you’re supposed to do.
And the worst part about an infatuation is that if you can’t move on, it never just stops there; you’ll most likely fall into the trap of getting more invested and frustrated.
Like quicksand, if you fight it incorrectly, you sink deeper, and then realize you have an uphill climb to get out.
The human mind is just weird like that.
When you have who and what you want, your mind is at east — so at rest that you don’t need to think about it. And that’s how we take others for granted.
On the other hand, when you can’t get what you desire, your mind becomes increasingly restless.
Your ego starts to hurt as time goes by, and all you start doing is think and think and think about that one person to the point where you start asking yourself questions like:
“Why am I not getting him to spend more time with me?”
“Why do I fear asking her out?”
“Why is she always on my mind?”
“Why am I so nervous and dumb around him?”
“What do I have to do to get her to notice me?”
“How can I get over this and become emotionally stronger?”
Well, to understand why we tend to ask ourselves these questions, we need to understand how it is we get invested in someone who might not even notice us and why it’s difficult to get over an infatuation.
Infatuation & Value
Simply put: we’re only invested in things and people we find value in.
Men value hot women. Women value competent men.
If you’re a man, the hotter the woman is, the more likely you’re going to value her and the more you’re going to invest in during an interaction.
Any positive interaction will get you a rush of dopamine.
Any negative interaction will mean you’ll risk losing her, which can make you panic because, naturally, we don’t like losing valuable things.
If you give her too much value, you put her on a pedestal.
Once she’s on a pedestal, that’s it. You lose. In the friend zone, you go.
The closest thing you’ll become to her is a beta orbiter. And you still won’t be able to get over your infatuation.
If you’re a woman, the more competent a man is in terms of self-confidence, social status, physicality, the more likely you’ll want to be part of his life, and will at least indirectly try to create positive interaction for you both to invest in.
If you give him too much value, you don’t get taken seriously or even noticed.
We get infatuated with others when we see them as high-value while not thinking too highly of ourselves in comparison.
That’s why people crush over celebrities. That’s why celebrities have fans.
Why Is It Hard to Get Over an Infatuation?
Having the mind stuck on one single person that’s unattainable gives that person more value than they already deserve.
The longer you keep thinking about someone without even dealing with them in an intimate context, the more imaginary wonderful traits and interactions your subconscious mind will attach to them.
These imaginary positive traits and the hope for wonderful interactions to take place are exactly what get you stuck in that paralyzing cycle.
In the meantime, your crush will not need to prove anything for you to be thinking of them too highly.
Zero investment on their part.
Talk about living in your head rent-free.
Do this frequently, and you’ll no longer see them as normal human beings with faults and flaws.
Instead, you’ll subconsciously see them more valuable than you are, so you will just never be in control around them. By giving them too much value and respect you:
– Won’t be able to put them in their place should they make a mistake.
– Won’t be able to maintain a normal or flirty conversation around them.
– Won’t even be able to maintain normal eye contact without fidgeting nervously.
– Will likely think you’ll have so much to lose, and it will all be in your head.
None of these mindsets are good for you, so the sooner you get over the infatuation, the more you can be yourself and in control of what you’re doing and how to react.
Fortunately, I’ve been through this before and have gotten out of it to turn things around for the better a couple of times.
But better doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve won someone over; sometimes I just had to get out of this emotional cage for my own peace of mind and to be more in charge of my emotions again.
According to my experience, here’s how I successfully got over an infatuation, and what you need to do to move on from yours:
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How to Get Over an Infatuation
1. Pay Attention to Their Flaws
Your first task is to humanize that person in question.
You need to bring them down to your level in a realistic manner for you to act normally and logically around them.
This doesn’t mean you have to talk shit to/about them or just be mean to them in the process, but you need to be objective about their flaws long enough to realize that they’re faulty human beings and not superior angels that will never be replicated again.
You will find millions of people who are exactly just like the person you’re infatuated. And possibly hundreds of them will even want to be with you.
Realize that this flaw(s) they have that you think is cute or makes them unique might not actually be so if your “dream came true” and you’ve managed to be with the person you’re interested in somehow.
In fact, when their glow does fade, you’ll realize that some of these flaws might have been absolute nightmares to deal with in an actual relationship.
So start taking notes of all their flaws and think about them carefully and realistically.
Once you do that a couple of times, this imaginary aura of perfection you’ve placed on them inside your head will disappear, and you’ll be able to see them for who they really are, instead of what your subconscious has made them be.
2. Stop Putting Them On A Pedestal
A person who’s already on a pedestal will be tough for you to deal with since you’re naturally going to be extremely selfless around them.
Even worse, you could be in a position where you have to “prove your value” by accommodating their needs.
Your crush wants help with work or studying?
You’ll volunteer to help them and make sure they do well.
The person of interest is having a relationship issue to deal with?
You’ll volunteer to listen to their problems and make sure they’re okay, even when it’s not really what you want to do because you secretly want them for yourself.
If they ask you for help, you’ll be willing to do whatever it takes to grant their wish, and you might have a hard time just saying “no” even when it’s necessary.
The tricky thing about accommodating someone you like is that the more you do for them, the more you actually fall for them.
Your feelings for someone will get stronger when you give and please, not when you receive.
So how do you go about that?
Well, you make the conscious decision to stop.
Stop giving. Stop listening. Stop helping.
Just stop pushing forward hoping things would go your away.
Take your time away from them without making it personal, if you can.
Tell them you have work to do.
Tell them you’re going on a date.
Give them whatever excuse you could think of to stop being there for them too much.
When you manage to stop compromising for their benefit and become able to say “no” whenever you have to, the pedestal will break.
And once it does, you’ll have a much easier time dealing with them that you won’t need to think about them too much any longer.
Treat them like a celebrity and they’ll treat you like a fan.
– A smart dude
3. Get the Date or Get Rejected
A very efficient way to get over an infatuation is to tackle it head-on.
Not literally, though. Don’t tackle them.
But if you get this limbo over with and ask them out, you’ll get a response that will end the infatuation process.
You will either get you what you want or you’ll get disappointed.
Either way, you will get come up with a conclusion that will help you move on to something else.
Best-case scenario: you actually end up with a date and see where it goes, which is a hundred times better than helplessly watching your person of interest from a distance.
Worst-case scenario: the rejection you get becomes redirection; all the overthinking and fantasies that come with infatuation will just evaporate, and then you have to deal with the fact that your fantasy isn’t going to be a reality.
And yes is going to hurt, but the temporary pain of not getting what you want is far better than the pain of being too invested in something that was never really there from the first place and wondering what if simply asking was going to get you what you’ve always wanted.
Rejection is better than regret. That’s always the case.
So, if you haven’t tried getting their number or asking them out yet, get this over with.
4. Distract Yourself Consistently
Since infatuation is an emotional and subconscious process, a practical way to move on from someone you can’t have is to start giving yourself other things to think about.
Friends, families, sports, hobbies, and side hustles.
There are so many productive options you can go for to not only distract yourself from one single person but to also put yourself in a better position to become a better version of yourself.
If you successfully do upgrade your own self, you’re 100% guaranteed to attract someone even better than that person you’re infatuated with.
After adopting the growth mindset that it becomes second nature to you, one day, you’ll notice a huge difference in how you see that person you’ve wanted for so long; they aren’t going to matter as much.
In fact, you might even get slightly annoyed about how much time you’ve wasted thinking about them and trying to win them over. And that’s a good place to be in.
So get to work. Meet new people. Explore your existing relationships.
5. Work On Becoming a Better Version of Yourself
If you’ve ever noticed, accomplished people with high self-esteem never get infatuated.
They hold themselves in high regard that they don’t really need others for fulfillment, because they already have an independent sense of fulfillment.
Successful people usually don’t put other human beings on pedestals because it just doesn’t result in adding any real value. They know infatuation only takes away time that you can’t take back.
I mean, you don’t see 50 Cent infatuated with someone, do you?
He obviously has so many things to work on, so many people to meet, and most likely, lots of women doing their best to have just a few minutes with him.
Now, you don’t have to become another 50 Cent or a Gal Gadot to just deal with infatuations, but the point is: when you’re carrying a scarcity mindset by default, you’ll find it hard to think highly of yourself and your ability to attract someone else, so you’re naturally going to hope that certain people will want to choose you.
But when you have a lot to offer, work on, and get positive feedback for doing so, you are naturally going to have high self-esteem and you’re genuinely going to know your worth.
Once you truly value your own self, time, and resources, you’re never going to bother wondering if someone wants to be with you the way you want to be with them.
Instead, you’re going to wonder if that person has something to offer you.
6. Find New Options to Date
This is one of the most effective ways to get over an infatuation. Here’s why:
If you choose to stay in your little fantasy of hyping up your crush while doing nothing about it, you’ll get too fixated on one single human being that your “dating power” becomes dependent on your ability to get with them.
Obviously, that’s a bad rut to be stuck in.
However, if you force yourself out of this bubble by engaging with other options through dating, not only will you be able to distract yourself from the infatuation, but you’ll also give yourself other opportunities to find more compatible people who might even be better candidates.
You might not be successful at first with your other dating options and you might not even want to bother trying, but the conscious decision to meet new people will help your self-esteem in the long run.
It’s a choice you have to make.
Once you get the hang of it and find even little success, you’ll naturally get out of the scarcity mindset, and this will reflect on you on a social level.
People will start noticing you for your positive and abundance mindset, and that’s going to raise your social status even higher.
Not that you should do anything about it, but even that person you were once infatuated with is going to notice the difference in how much you care about them.
You’re only as good as your options.
– Another smart dude
Time & Persistence Are Your Best Friends
There is no magic word or routine to help you get over an infatuation immediately, but there’s a lot you can do to speed up the process if you stay mindful of where your mind wanders whenever you’re feeling down and frustrated.
There are no cheat codes for fixing bad emotional investments, but you have to start somewhere.
Changing how you see someone takes time and consistency to happen, so let time do its part while you do yours to improve your state of mind and options.
Remember: know your worth.
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