“I think we need a break.”
“I need more space..”
“I think we should put our relationship on hold for a while. I want time for me. I want to work on myself.”
These are the kinds of talks that will take place whenever your girlfriend wants a break.
When you’re dealing with such talks, it’s easy to get extremely emotional, insecure, and afraid of what the talk might mean or lead to.
It’ll also be tempting to ask her a million questions to figure out why she’s not too happy about the relationship or how you can improve as a boyfriend.
After all, you’re the man in the relationship, and men like to fix problems, especially if these problems are related to their intimate partners.
But no matter how hard the situation might be for you, never succumb to the pressure of the moment and react emotionally and out of fear. The last thing you want to do is act out of weakness and desperation to make things worse and embarrassing for you.
Here’s what you exactly need to know and how to react when your girlfriend wants a break.
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“My Girlfriend Wants a Break. What Should I Do?”
What Does a Break Really Mean?
First of all, a break could mean a lot of things depending on your situation, and context is everything.
Sometimes a break could be a power move by your girlfriend to take control of the direction of the relationship, and other times it’s because of you making a lot of bad mistakes that could have turned her off completely.
Since your experience is uniquely yours, you’re going to have to read the following reasons and figure out which one(s) applies to your case.
And to do exactly that, you’ll need to put your ego and emotions aside completely for a practical approach to your problem. I understand that you might be reading this because you’re on the verge of losing your girlfriend so it’s already tense, but you really have to be pragmatic and honest with yourself to know how and why you’ve potentially messed up.
Why Your Girlfriend Wants a Break
1. You Lost Your Frame
A very possible reason why your girlfriend wants a break or space is that you might have acted a bit too needy for a very long time.
Women absolutely hate it when their partners are being too clingy in their interactions. Not only is it suffocating, but it actually gives women no reason to get mentally and emotionally stimulated in their relationships.
Like us men, women also like to pursue their partners, believe it or not.
They crave challenges and not knowing if they can have what they desire. That’s why they like to get teased. That’s why they are intrigued by the mystery and mysterious men. There’s a need for stimulating the mind, and they need the time and space to do so.
But unlike for us men, physical attraction is not the most important factor in a relationship; our endgame is sex but theirs is everything else.
It’s how your girlfriend feels about being with you, what you say, and what you do that are going to be more important than being in bed with you, and when your girlfriend is happy about you as a man, only then it’s going to reflect in bed.
Hence the quote, “men fall in love through their eyes and women fall in love through their ears.”
So if you’ve always been too available for her and gave her no room to experience missing you and living a portion of her daily life without you, even if it’s out of your good intentions, you’d still lose her attraction to you.
When you’re always acting too lovey-dovey in bed and be the one to approach her physically every single time, she will get used to it and therefore, get bored of you.
It’s even the same with texting and calling; if you’re the one always initiating the calls, texting her consistently even when she doesn’t respond, she’ll quickly lose interest and not get too excited about seeing or contacting you.
If she’s always annoyed around you, then it’s likely that you’ve done too much for her. You could have been in front of her everywhere she went, and then she became sick of your existence.
This is exactly how you lose your Frame. And Frame is everything.
Men tend to make those same mistakes over and over again, maybe out of love or out of fear of loss. In both cases, it’s not going to matter how much you care about her, but it’s how she perceives you and how you’re willing to stay put that helps her invest in the relationship.
No matter how much of a perfect boyfriend you become, if she doesn’t do any of the pursuing, you’re not going to be the one for her.
Because contrary to what a lot of people think, it’s not how much love we receive that makes us want to stay in relationships, but it’s how much we invest that keeps us “addicted” and going.
So give her a reason to invest. Let her do the chasing every once in a while. Stop being in her face and phone all the time just because you want to make her happy, it doesn’t work; attraction doesn’t work that way.
It’s important for you, as a masculine man, to maintain your Frame by staying in control of your emotions to let her come to you.
That being said, when you realize your girlfriend wants a break, calmly and nicely oblige, because you understand that she needs to pursue you too. Otherwise, you’ll get no genuine desire in your relationship, so what’s the point of wanting her to stay?
Regain control of the situation by being the rock of the “relationship”. That’s what a masculine man is in relationships anyway — the calm, steady, and emotionally mature rock for the woman to be emotionally reliant on.
2. You Made Her the Focus of Your Purpose
The moment you make your girlfriend, or anyone else, the focus of your purpose is exactly when it becomes the beginning of the end for your relationship.
What usually happens when you make someone your highest priority is that you become too available and soft towards them. You become extremely emotional whenever they don’t give you the attention you crave for and base your happiness upon their approval.
This is exactly how you get used and disrespected for not being your own independent man, and it’s very much the case when you’re dealing with your girlfriend.
When your girlfriend notices how highly you’ve prioritized her and how important she is compared to everything else — when she notices that she is the center of your universe, she’ll grow to dislike you immensely, and she’ll not know why.
It’s not going to happen immediately and it will take some time, but it is only a matter of time after the honeymoon phase ends.
It’s also going to show when she reacts you to you negatively yet you take it; she’ll be complaining about everything that has to do with you — your job, your actions, your reactions, and maybe even your face, but you’ll still excuse her bad behavior because she’s THE focus.
With that comes a lot of shit tests, of course, and when you are unable to pass or even notice them because of how big of a purpose she is to you, then comes the part where your girlfriend wants a break and space away from you.
This, of course, doesn’t mean that you should treat her badly to keep her around, but you must always keep in mind that women do not like to be your everything.
Sure, they like to hear that; it’s flattering at first, but when this romantic fantasy becomes a reality, they think of you less as a masculine man. To them, a purposeless man is weak and incapable of being a competent leader for the family.
Women should only ever be a compliment to a man’s life, never the focus of it.
The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi
3. You Aren’t Giving Her Something She Wants
The funny thing about being in a relationship is that you could be doing everything right, and still end up wondering why your girlfriend wants a break.
If you know for sure that you’ve been maintaining your Frame correctly and have been focused on your own purpose as a man, then there’s always a possibility that you’ve been doing too well, for your own good. More specifically, good to the point where you’re getting everything you want, sometimes at her expense.
When you have your needs met in a relationship and have space and time to work on your little or big empire, there’s always the chance your girlfriend would be feeling that she isn’t getting the right amount of attention from you.
Naturally, this is a nice problem to have. You should rather have a girlfriend that wants your attention and more of you than a girlfriend who just had enough of you following her around, figuratively.
Maybe the problem, for her at least, is that you’ve promised her more commitment than what you already have at the moment — a marriage or an engagement. However, you’ve chosen to slow down with the plan to vet her and make sure she’s the right woman for you.
It could also be that she wanted you both to move in together, but you wished to stay alone for the foreseeable future as you don’t think it’s the right time for that. After all, you understand the consequences of moving in together in the West these days.
Perhaps she wants a kid sooner than you do, and you don’t want to follow through with that plan yet because you’re financially just not ready at the moment.
Whatever the disagreement is, when you and your girlfriend’s plans don’t match, whoever is more distressed out of you will want to withdraw as an attempt to manipulate the other into following their plan.
Whoever needs the other more is more likely to use the “I want a break” card to push their agenda and make the other reconsider their plan.
So if you feel that this condition applies to you even though you’ve been completely honest and direct with how you wanted your relationship to go from the first place, then it’s very important for you to not give in to this tactic.
She might initially withdraw emotionally or physically and then ask for a break as a desperate means to gain control of the relationship’s direction and force you to follow, and once you give in, this manipulative tactic will become her favorite way to get you to follow her plans in the future, should you ever disagree again.
For tips on successfully navigating through the dating world, then I highly recommend checking out this life-changing book “The Rational Male” by the brilliant Rollo Tomassi.
This book has definitely changed how I see relationships in general. It has helped me fully realize the dating mistakes that I used to make in the past and why I’ve made them. It has also given me a better understanding of the intergender dynamics and invaluable lessons that would normally take years and a lot of punishment to figure out.
I’ve written a book review that you can find here.
4. She Actually Wants to Break Up & Can’t… For Now
A lot of times women will ask for a break because she doesn’t quite have the courage to actually break up immediately.
Not all women have the balls to just break things off when things aren’t going there way. Some women just decide to behave really badly consistently until they just force their partners to initiate the breakup and avoid the responsibility of making such a decision.
And other women just ask for a break to build up the courage to end things completely without having to see their boyfriends for a while.
So when your girlfriend wants a break, understand that an actual breakup is a possibility and prepare for that talk to happen.
5. She Wants to Play the Field
Obviously, if your girlfriend hasn’t been satisfied with you in bed for a very long time, it’s not going to be a surprise when she asks for separation to “think” things through.
Usually, this talk comes after a period of her showing you irritation or indifference whenever you try to initiate physical contact.
It should be no surprise to you to believe that sex is what keeps a healthy relationship together. So if you’re not satisfying your girlfriend, then you’re just roommates. And even that usually doesn’t last for long.
Maybe it’s not your fault really. Maybe you’ve been just distracted for some time. When you’re in a long term relationship, it’s easy to just forget about having some quality time alone with the girlfriend when you’re always tired with work or dealing with whatever it is that could be causing you stress and anxiety.
And maybe it is your fault. Perhaps it’s because you’ve let yourself go or you’ve failed too many of her shit tests that she no longer find you attractive.
But these maybes don’t matter; you’re still not screwing her and her needs aren’t being met.
This obviously goes both ways but loyalty can only be tested for so long before dissatisfaction completely takes over and ruins the commitment you have.
If you’re not happy with her physically or not able to satisfy her for whatever reason, then naturally, a break or breakup is always going to be an option.
6. She Already Has a Replacement Lined Up
You know what, maybe she’s not playing the field and has no interest in discovering what’s out there, even though she dissatisfied with you sexually.
But that’s only because she already has someone lined up to replace you.
This is one of the many things most men don’t realize about women; it’s that women are smarter about keeping their options when it comes to men. There’s never 0 men in a woman’s life even after you’ve been committed in a relationship and even if she tells you otherwise.
There’s always that friend/colleague of hers, “Steve from accounting”, that you’ve never really liked and thought he was always acting too strange around her, but you’ve made the mistake of letting it go because you never wanted to seem like the “insecure boyfriend” who can’t handle his girlfriend having male friends.
Women almost always have a potential suitor lined up, especially if she’s somewhat attractive. It’s in their hypergamous nature to subtly keep men around, just in case something happens. And that’s not even including the Beta Orbiters she keeps around for attention.
We men, on the other hand, don’t necessarily think that way. It’s easy to figure us out and women can tell and react immediately when we’re considering lining up other options. And sometimes we’re just loyal enough to not bother considering any options at all.
That doesn’t mean women can’t be loyal obviously, but when they want to keep their options open for a replacement, you might not see it coming.
So whenever your girlfriend wants a break, keep in mind that she could be monkey-branching to someone she might find more attractive. This break could be just her figuring out whether the move is worth it or not without having to worry about the cheating part.
It could be a quick fling to release some tension or it could be a permanent move, but it’s not going to matter either way to you what or who the replacement is. It shouldn’t at least.
I say this because whenever a girlfriend wants a break and decides to commit to it, the typical boyfriend in this situation gets so worked up about her being “stolen” once he notices that she’s already trying to line up a replacement that he chooses to confront her about it.
But the reason I say it doesn’t matter is that if you do talk to her about, she’ll just respond with:
Since monkey branching is always an option for her when she insists on taking a break, it’s very important for you to not react emotionally and chase her around to avoid looking like a desperate fool. More on that later.
7. You’ve Treated Her Like Shit
Now comes the part where you need to reconsider your own actions and attitude in the relationship. If your girlfriend wants a break even though you know you’ve been in control of the relationship, then it might be the case that you’re overdoing it and suffocating the hell out of her.
To help you with that, honestly and truthfully ask yourself the following questions:
“Have I been extremely and consistently harsh towards my girlfriend?”
“Have I been too busy and neglecting her too many times for a while now?”
“Have I been selfishly breaking the promises that I’ve continued making for her for the benefit of my own pursuits?”
“Have I been disloyal when I have promised consistent loyalty for her?”
A degree of responsibility has to be claimed by you to correctly evaluate your part in the relationship.
Because maybe you have messed up too many times, so it only makes sense for her to discontinue the relationship any longer. It’s not always going to be her fault.
How to Deal with the Break
Do you wanna know the best and most effective way to deal with your girlfriend wanting a break?
Here’s what you really have to do:
Nothing.
I know. It might seem a little too simple of a solution for your problem, but it’s actually not.
At the same time, doing nothing means you have to not react at all, which when you’re in a heightened emotional state like knowing that you could possibly lose a partner you’ve had for years, is understandably difficult to do.
But the thing you need to consider is that any sort of further emotional reaction on your part can kill your chances of getting her back and degrade you even further.
In the case where a break has been initiated due to you losing your Frame or purpose, remaining nonreactive will stop you from losing more of the little respect she might already have for you.
And in the cases where your girlfriend wants a break just to play the field or consider a specific replacement for you, you must still remain nonreactive for damage control anyway. Confronting her will only force her into having to do something about you, and as mentioned before, it should be you who has the steering wheel of the relationship.
Don’t operate in her Frame.
And let’s say, she does get forced into not pursuing your replacement or playing the field. Let’s hypothetically say you’ve had a logical conversation with her and made her feel guilty/bad about reconsidering her commitment, would this be a permanent and practical solution for your problem?
Of course not.
Because not only will she lose more respect for you in the long run, but you’re also delaying the inevitable for later. She still won’t shake off her grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome. Any action she gets convinced forced to do, even out of guilt, will only harbor more resentment towards you.
Always remember that regret and humiliation of being too emotional towards the end of the breakup are always going to be more immense than that of rejection. Never logically negotiate your position in a relationship.
At the end of the day, you want someone who doesn’t need to be reminded of why she chose to be with you. You want someone who has a genuine desire for you, not a transactional relationship.
Silence Is Golden
Have you ever noticed that the most confident and strongest people never have the need to prove themselves to others when they know they’re doing the right thing?
The most secure people don’t chase others for validation or a sense of purpose. They are very comfortable with being alone and have only greatness to chase. Their understanding of independence translates to knowing when to walk away from bad relationships and when to stop pursuing what’s toxic and unhelpful.
High-value people who know their value do not need to convince others of what they have to offer. They already have their value on display and know that the right people will always come along and join their pursuit of excellence.
These competent people don’t react out of desperation and start chasing out of fear of loss or rejection because they know such behavior will only demean them further.
Not everything requires a reaction and, as much as this may sound cliche, sometimes less is more.
The less you talk and react, the better your chances are at regaining control of the relationship and restoring your position as the masculine leader of the relationship.
When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.
The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene
In short, your best bet is to shut up and start acting as if you’ve already lost her.
Use the Break to Your Own Advantage
“But what do I exactly say and do when my girlfriend wants a break?” you might ask.
There’s no one right way to go about this because the solution depends entirely on your unique experience.
However, one of the most effective ways to deal with her asking for a break is to just agree with her, calmly. This might actually throw her off, especially if you’ve been acting like a desperate Beta male for a long time — you might even gain some respect at that point.
Of course, if you’re confused as to why she is proposing a break, you can politely ask her just so you know what went wrong for your own sake and peace of mind, but if she doesn’t want to talk about it, then there’s no point in chasing her or closure.
Give her all the space and time she needs, and then use it to your own advantage.
Start using that break to reflect on the possible mistakes you might have made. Use this experience to notice the negative patterns you keep following that has pushed her away. Because even if she decides not to come back, at least you know where you went wrong to not repeat the same mistake again.
If the break takes too long, seek other options and start dating again. You shouldn’t be waiting for her to make up her mind while you sit there miserably waiting for her texts. She could already be having the time of her life in someone else’s bed, right?
Most importantly, take the time to evaluate what it is you have to offer as a man by asking yourself the right questions:
Possible incoming break up aside, are you in a good place in life at the moment?
Do you have your finances in order?
Have you been maintaining a healthy physique?
Have you developed a strong mindset that aims at improving you as an individual?
Do you have your own independent purpose that you’ve been working on?
Do you have a healthy social circle that’s independent of your girlfriend/soon to be ex?
These are examples of questions that should help you figure out how well you’re doing. Because at the end of the day, it’s how well we’re doing as individuals that reflect on our relationships.
You never see a happy man in a bad relationship or vice versa, do you?
Men who are actively and continually working on themselves have the best chance to recover from such hardships. They understand that the positive changes they can go through are going to help them move on, come back stronger, and stay in control of their emotions.
These men also know that improving their lifestyle can improve their confidence and possibly sexual market value, which is going to be obvious to the girlfriends during and after the break or breakup.
When you improve as a man, she’s going to get intrigued. When she gets intrigued by you being silent and doing your own thing, her respect for you slowly grows back.
And as we all know, with respect comes attraction, and with attraction comes a happy relationship.
Also, unless there’s a child, money, or business involved between you two, never accept the very common “let’s just be friends” proposal women come up within these situations.
Your Improvement Has to Be Genuine
Having said all of that, if you choose to improve your conditions just to get her back, then your positive change is going to be temporary and disingenuous. You’d be doing it for the wrong reasons it would only waste your time.
Once she goes on a break, you let her go completely and know that there’s always another woman for you out there.
In fact, a better version of you can always win over even a better woman. So it might not be a bad loss after all.
Ultimately, self-improvement is always the primary goal and the solution for most of your long-term problems. If it gets you your girlfriend back as a consequence, great. If not, then you should continue your evolution towards greatness and happiness anyway.
Always move forward. Always maintain an Abundance mindset.
| If you’re seeking a guide to develop that abundance mindset, the right mindset, to start attracting the perfect opportunities, interactions, women, and then dealing with them correctly, then I highly recommend checking out “The Abundance Mindset” guide. |