One of the most frustrating situations you can be in is investing in a great connection but never knowing where you stand.
You know that amazing guy you’ve been seeing or even dating at one point?
He checks all the boxes. You always want to see and spend more time with him. He just does it for you.
So you have a great time together and everything seems to be going well, but then of course..
Something has to come up and spoil the fun.
Right after you sleep with the guy you really like, he’s just not the same anymore.
That warm and curious guy you’ve just spent great time with?
All of a sudden, he is just gone.
He’s replaced with this cold and distant stranger you don’t know at all.
“Why is that?” you wonder.
“Have I done something wrong? Did I say something bad? Was he not that into it?”
So many questions start popping off and it keeps getting more uncomfortable the longer that coldness stays.
And the fewer answers you get.
Maybe he never calls again or maybe he does get back to normal, for a while.
Only to go cold after you eventually sleep together again the next time.
So if you’re frustrated with those kinds of questions and would finally like some answers for once — if you’re wondering why guys distance themselves after intimacy, then here is everything you need to know:
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Why Do Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy?
1. He’s Just Not That Into You
Girls sometimes overthink things when the answer can be right in front of them.
Sometimes a guy will distance himself after sleeping with you because he’s just not that into you.
Most of the time it’s nothing personal — it might have nothing to do with you.
We have to remember that, when looking for answers to understand our relationships, guys are just not wired to behave and think as girls do.
Guys can be perfectly fine being physically attracted to you for a couple of hours and then *poof* — no attraction anymore.
That doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you, how you behave, or how you look.
But maybe he distanced himself after intimacy because he just had no compelling reason to do otherwise.
Sometimes you keep looking into why he’s not coming back the way you want because you want him.
This is very human and we all make that mistake, but at one point you have to understand that it is becoming less about what’s actually happening and more about what you’d like to happen.
Don’t let your ego dictate what must happen; to make the best decisions moving forward, you need to accept the fact that you can’t always have what you want.
The more you see things for what they are, the more you’d be able to avoid false hopes and only invest in concrete connections where a guy is actually showing you consistency.
That’s the metric for potential success: consistency.
2. He Doesn’t Know What He Wants
I’ll be honest: most guys out there don’t know what they want.
They’d be talking to you, flirting with you, and telling you how amazing you are; only to vanish and meet someone else the minute you leave them after a date.
Some guys don’t know themselves and what they want, so when they’re around you, they think they know what they want — you.
They might even believe what they’re telling you; they think they might have conviction in a future with you, but then they change their mind because they see a new match on Tinder or a new colleague at work.
It’s not necessarily the case that they’re lying to you — they’re just lying to themselves and not knowing it.
They don’t know what they want, so they just mindlessly keep pursuing new shiny objects.
If you’re dealing with guys that distance themselves after intimacy when they keep promising you the world, then most likely you’re choosing guys who give you an emotional ride but not a lot of actual substance.
You’re dealing with guys who don’t know what they want enough to stick to what they say.
Their words are empty because they don’t themselves seriously.
But you do.
And that’s why you keep getting disappointed.
3. He Already Has a Partner
Believe it or not, a lot of people out there have partners.
And that simple fact seems to slip our minds when we’re single and get approached by others.
They might not tell you about their already existing relationship upfront, the way you might do. Suprise surprise.
But guys who have partners and just want some fun on the side will distance themselves after intimacy because they don’t want to get caught and have their existing relationships ruined.
This reason is not always obvious unless you see the guys often to pick up the patterns.
Does he call you only at night for booty calls?
Does he message you inconsistently and at strange times?
Is he avoiding any conversations that involve a future with you like it’s the plague?
Does he seem a bit stressed or uneasy whenever any plans are being made?
Does he make it a point to hide you from his friends or just the public in general?
Does he have items that belong to chicks and random long hair strands at his apartment?
Some of these points make sense and should be true if you’ve just met the guy, but after seeing him for a long time?
Look at the patterns and read between the lines, detective.
4. He’s Just Playing the Field
Some guys distance themselves after intimacy because they’re not interested in anything sustainable.
Maybe they just came out of a breakup and want to see what’s out there.
Maybe they’re too busy and aren’t willing to give you what you’d like to have.
There are many guys out there who find fun in upping their notch counts and enjoying only the first few experiences with women they deal with.
They’re not necessarily interested in being with you or in being with girls in general — they’re interested in the novelty of you.
They’re interested in figuring out the puzzle you first are when dealing with you for the first time.
They’re not focusing on building connections; they’re focused on acquiring body counts.
And you can’t do much when dealing with these kinds of guys other than make it clear what you’re looking for and act accordingly.
You can filter out dudes who only chase novelty by monitoring their behavior and asking them about what they’re looking for.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, ask them if they’re looking for the same, and then if they give you a very vague and general response, then they either don’t know what they want or are just not interested in keeping someone anyway.
But if you’re looking for relationships and not act like it, then you can’t really blame the guys for distancing themselves after intimacy — after getting the only thing they wanted. More on that later.
5. The Intimacy Wasn’t That Great
Maybe you slept together and he didn’t like it.
That, again, doesn’t necessarily mean that there was something wrong with you.
Sometimes some connections just don’t blossom after intimacy.
Perhaps both of you are great lovers, just with different people.
You can’t click with everyone, and the same applies when it comes to intimacy.
Whatever the reason behind you or one of you not enjoying sleeping together, that can be enough to just kill all potential possibilities for you to meet again later.
So why pursue something that didn’t work for you or for him?
6. He’s Into Someone Else
When guys are really into the girls they’re with, it can be hard for them to be invested outside their relationship, and that’s also why they distance themselves after intimacy with others.
Men and women aren’t the same when it comes to intimacy; a guy can totally be not into a girl and sleep with her while being with some other girl whom he sees as a partner.
But for girls, it’s usually a bit different.
Intimacy can be a bigger deal for them and they’re not as eager as men to sleep with people they’re not that interested in.
So if you’re wondering why you’re not getting consistency from a guy you really like, just know that it’s possible that he’s already emotionally and physically invested in someone else.
You can also tell if a guy is already invested in someone else by how closed off he is when you’re trying to find a side to him other than the one you see in the bedroom.
7. He Has a Better Intimate Connection with Someone Else
This applies often to attractive guys with multiple options.
Some guys out there enjoy physical relationships with women that they don’t feel like changing what they have and looking elsewhere.
And that’s also a common reason why they distance themselves after intimacy with new women.
Guys who already have a lot of physical relationships ongoing would, every once in a while, try to explore a new connection with a new girl, but if it’s not the same excitement for them, then they just go back to what they already enjoy having.
If you kind of see signs that he’s already dealing with multiple girls but not committed to one, then trying to look for more than what he’s already offering you might be a waste of time and effort.
Don’t try to be the one who can tame or have him fall for you — a common mistake a lot of girls do.
He either wants to be with someone eventually or he doesn’t at all.
8. You Asked for More
It’s quite normal for you to look for more than just sleeping with a guy after you’ve dated for a while.
However, timing is everything.
Nobody likes to get pressured into doing something, especially if that something is a serious commitment of some sort.
Guys who feel that women they’re seeing are asking for more than they “should” tend to distance themselves a bit.
As we said earlier, a lot of guys are there for the challenge of having you, so when you do show a lot of interest, they just go away thinking they’ve “got you”.
But these guys are children and you still shouldn’t hide what you truly desire because of children just chasing to validate their egos.
If you truly believe the timing is right, ask for what you want.
If they leave, then you know it was going to be a waste of time anyway, and then go focus on other prospects who would share your desire.
Not every guy you like is going to want to commit to you, and that’s okay.
Men with potential are everywhere.
9. He Thinks You Didn’t Enjoy It
Believe it or not, some guys distance themselves away after intimacy because they think you didn’t like sleeping with them.
Maybe you didn’t show your pleasure and excitement. Perhaps your favorite position is the dead starfish and he didn’t know you actually liked it.
Could be that you really didn’t enjoy it — and if that’s the case, why are you even here wondering why he’s still not contacting you?
Not everyone is confident in their abilities in bed.
Do with this information what you want.
But if this guy you’re into has already shown you a lack of self-esteem, then this reason might be valid.
10. He Just Needs Space
It’s quite possible that you’re dealing with a guy who is into you but just needs more time to get going.
After all, guys aren’t as emotional as women — not all of them at least.
A lot of men out there, especially the very rational ones, take time to invest in women they’re into, and that’s perfectly fine.
If you’ve been treated well by a man and he does show interest, just not as much as you’d like, then maybe you need to take it easy and go one date at a time.
Men who know what they want will not just drop everything for you, and as much as that can be frustrating, it is also attractive.
It shows maturity and stability that you’d like to eventually rely on, should things get more serious later on.
Perhaps a bit of time and patience from you to explore the relationship is all you need.
Only you could make the best decision for yourself and see whether it was worth it or not based on his behavior overall.
11. He’s Afraid of Falling for You
Many guys distance themselves after intimacy because they know they’d fall on their face if they did otherwise.
It’s very normal for people to slow down when they see things are going well or too good to be true.
They get scared of investing too much too quickly, so they’d like to take things slow and temporarily distance themselves so you don’t see them as needy or clingy.
Or to make sure you are also falling for them.
But you could be sitting there actually hoping that he invests more so you could show him more of what you feel.
This reason may be your case when communication between you two hasn’t been flowing smoothly.
Sometimes a lack of clarity can create unnecessary misunderstandings that can escalate to someone thinking the other person needs space or, even worse, not interested.
Just communicating, however, is easier said than done.
Most girls don’t like to start the communication process because they don’t want to put themselves in a vulnerable position, and there is no right or wrong way to go about this.
Reaching out to understand how things are going between you may either improve the situation between you and strengthen the bond or make it clear for you that the other person is simply not interested.
This is entirely up to you.
12. He’s Playing Hard to Get
Playing games is something a lot of immature people like to do.
And in the dating game, this is no different.
Many people enjoy getting chased more than actually having a good connection that they can enjoy.
Some people like the chase and some like getting chased.
If you’re dealing with someone who keeps showing you some attention and then disappearing right after you show him some of yours, then it’s possible that he’s just playing hard to get.
It may be that he just doesn’t really care about you more than he cares about you validating him by trying to get to him.
But as you should know, nobody should be chasing anyone. Ever.
No great relationship has ever started and then been maintained by someone playing hard to get while the other kept pursuing.
If they want to play games and put obstacles between you, then it’s most likely a good idea to just bounce and find someone else who’s genuinely interested in you and wants to take the time to get to know you.
13. You’re Not Taking Yourself Seriously
You’re only going to be treated as well as you present yourself.
You’re only going to be treated as badly as you allow others to treat you.
How you present yourself and your standards dictate what types of relationships you’re going to have with others.
If girls don’t take the time to get to know men before sleeping with them quickly, then a lot of girls won’t have what they’ve hoped for after guys distance themselves after intimacy.
A lot of women want one thing but don’t act like it.
They want serious and long-term relationships but then abandon all standards when they meet a guy that is.. funny?
There’s nothing necessarily wrong with being intimate with a man in the very first few dates — what’s right and wrong depends entirely on your boundaries and standards.
Nobody should tell you what to do, but if you want something specific, don’t waste your time entertaining something else.
The more consistent you are with acting like the part, the more opportunities you get for that exact part.
How to Figure Out What to Do Next
Now that you’ve known all the possible reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy, you need to take a closer look at yourself so you can avoid being in unfavorable positions and wasting more time and effort on pointless investments.
To get better at handling relationships with men, you need to ask yourself the right questions:
How often do you find yourself dealing with guys who distance themselves after intimacy?
If it’s something that happens every now and then, then it could be just bad luck and that you had to vet relationships a bit more before being more intimate.
A lack of experience or understanding can be the problem.
But if you find yourself in this position a little too often, then perhaps there’s something fundamentally wrong with your approach to emotional bonds, standards, and expectations.
If you find yourself in an unfavorable situation often, then maybe, just maybe, it’s not really the guys’ fault. Or even them you should be looking at.
If you keep getting the same reaction, then perhaps the problem is in your action.
It could be that you choose guys who are “exciting” but don’t have real substance or the necessary qualities that make them reliable for later.
Maybe you, yourself, like the game part a little too much.
It can be that you really don’t want a commitment that much until the other person wants even less commitment than you do.
Then you want to commit all of a sudden. That’s just ego talk.
Maybe you like unavailable guys and need to start evaluating what is really valuable to you.
Are you communicating your expectations well enough or are you shying away?
It’s very important that you always make sure what you want is understood and that you’re either getting what you’re looking for or at least the potential for what you’re looking for.
It’s understandable that you can’t just communicate that you’re looking for a long-term commitment and three kids on the first date if that’s what you really want — it would be a bit weird indeed.
But you can always ask the guy what he’s looking for and communicate subtly and gradually more of what you’re there for.
The problem is that a lot of girls don’t even bother even dropping hints for what they want and extracting the information they need to make decisions later.
Even if they’re looking for something short-term that is at least a little more than a ONS, they’re too shy or scared to find ways to communicate that.
So what ends up happening?
They end up just walking into a foggy and directionless connection hoping for the best without really taking the time to express what they want.
Because they don’t value their truth as much, they would rather avoid the reality as much as possible hoping that, somehow, the reality they secretly want magically comes to life.
Now, before you make any decisions about the “relationship” you’re struggling with, you need to make sure that you have let the other person know that you don’t mind taking things slow if that’s what he’s doing, but you’re also doing the same so if it things go well, then a relationship is what you’d like eventually.
No need to corner the other person into doing what you want and no need for you to walk into the fog either. A bit of communication goes a long way, especially if you’ve been already dealing with each other for a while now.
This means that if you haven’t been seeing each other except once or twice, then there’s no point in communicating as it was never that serious.
Only you could figure out what seems reasonably clear to you and react accordingly.
Your Peace of Mind & Consistency Matter
Now if there’s one thing you need to learn reading this it is this: don’t do anything you don’t want to do.
You’re not forced to stay in a situation that you don’t like to be in and then figure out why the guy you’re dealing with isn’t showing you the kind of attention you need.
You should only deal with people who show consistent interest in dealing with you before and after intimacy if that’s what you desire.
If you don’t get what you want, or even worse, get only negativity and pain instead, then you shouldn’t allow yourself to be there.
Even after knowing all the reasons guys distance themselves after intimacy, you could still always say, “You know what? It doesn’t matter.”
Because, at the end of it all, you’re not getting what makes you happy.
If a connection costs you your peace of mind and you keep hoping it would change, then unless you’ve been with someone at least for a while and communicated your problems clearly, reconsidering being in the connection can help you long-term.
| Looking for actionable tips for building attraction and getting a commitment from the man you desire?
Check out the sneaky little tricks in “His Secret Obsession”. |
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- Why Does He Keep Me Around When He Doesn’t Want A Relationship
- 16 Signs He Doesn’t Want a Relationship with You
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