In today’s world, masculinity is being regarded as this backward and uncivil quality men must tone down at all times.
Men are getting their masculinity shamed out of them and boys are getting it blocked right from the start through conditioning in schools and at homes, completely dominated by their mothers.
Being secure in your masculinity and only following what you desire as a man is simply looked at as toxic, selfish, and irresponsible.
“You’re a 48 year old man who only wants to date women in their twenties? How could you? You shouldn’t be dating women half your age. You must be a man-child who doesn’t take things seriously!”
Having a strong and masculine character is now being more frowned upon. It’s a threatening trait to others when they see you as someone who doesn’t waste him time following others’ paths and values.
“What do you mean I have to sign this prenup for us to get married? You shouldn’t be asking such things from your future wife.
I’m not going to be with a man who doesn’t let me just divorce his a** when I feel like he’s not following my program, take half his sh*t and then bounce just trust me.”
That is why the West is slowly deteriorating. Men who have built and maintained civilizations for thousands of years are now being asked to sit in the backseat and let others take over.
But unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. We haven’t evolved to remain on the sidelines.
Once sh*t hits the fan and we, men, are forced to deal with threat on a wider scale, it will be our responsibility to provide the security needed for our society to function safely, even if it comes at our own expense.
If you’re reading this, you’ve probably noticed this slow degradation of manhood and not sure how to go about things or develop your masculine traits further.
You’ve probably felt, on an instinctual level, that something is missing. You might have had problems finding this masculine figure to guide and lead you towards becoming a better and more capable man, and that’s why you’re here.
Since a lot of us men lack direction and don’t know where to start with our progression, here are the main rules you need to follow to comfortably be more masculine and have more to offer as a man:
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How to Be More Masculine: 11 Rules to Become a High-Value Man
1. Know What You Truly Want As a Man
The primary roles of a masculine man in his family and relationships are leading, provisioning, maintaining order, and giving directions for others to follow.
With that being said, you can’t be the best version of yourself as a man if you lack direction yourself and don’t know what it is you want out of life and those surrounding you.
You’ll never have great romantic relationships if you don’t even know your own self as a man, and then as a consequence, don’t know what you expect from a woman or how your relationship dynamics should play out.
You cannot find happiness in your pursuit towards greatness if you don’t know what it is you should be pursuing from the first place.
You’ll never be the man you’ve always wanted to be if you’re listening to what society, family, and even partner tell you what a masculine man should or should not be.
How will you become a more masculine man when you haven’t even developed your own set of principles, standards, and goals for you to dedicate your life to?
How do you expect women to become attracted to you as a man and then choose to follow your leadership respectfully if you don’t have a clear and structured path set for guidance?
How will others look up to you if you have no clue what you’re doing and don’t have a purpose of your own for others to admire?
The truth is that the only person who can tell you how to become the best version of yourself is you.
And to achieve that, you’ll need to freely explore your interests, understand what makes sense to you, and then be willing to accept who you really want to become, without considering the judgment of others.
The more you know what you want, the better boundaries you’ll set and the better standards you’ll have for you and whoever is dealing with you.
Because when you don’t know what you want, you’ll naturally and automatically act upon your emotions. You’ll be shortsighted, unsure of yourself, and incapable of handling the complicated situations life will toss at you.
You’ll also naturally also blame others for your misfortunes, stunting your growth and leadership as a man.
And nobody will be attracted to that.
So take the time to know what you want out of being alive for a couple of decades and then what are the specific actions you’ll need to take to become that man you want to be.
Be honest with yourself and avoid superficial desires.
It’s only after you’ve laid out specific, long-term, and powerful purposes of your own is when you find more satisfaction within your manhood and how you carry yourself.
2. Never Be Afraid to Ruffle Feathers IF Necessary
Contrary to what other people perceive as the “alpha”, you don’t need to be the confrontational and loud whenever your values and principles are challenged.
Yes you must always stand up for your values and the people you care about, but you must do so intelligently. Sometimes you don’t have to engage with BS at all, especially when it comes from people who are beneath you.
Sometimes all you need is just a total conviction in your own self and what you’re about to actually be worthy of respect, without recklessly putting yourself in harm’s way.
On the other hand, you can’t be seen as valuable or be taken seriously if you’re okay with going along with whatever people think or put you through, just to be on their good side.
That doesn’t mean people will like you if you disagree with them or act selfishly when you know for a fact that you’re doing must be done for your own good, but you have to be comfortable with not getting along with others to serve your purpose.
Unfortunately, men today are extremely careful about and wary of what others think.
They don’t go after what they want because they’re worried about what their family, wife, children, boss, colleagues, janitors, friends, old friends, and even strangers think.
They can accept living a miserable life and be perfectly fine with it just because they are told it’s the right thing to do.
These same men are usually afraid to take responsibility for their conditions to avoid any tension whatsoever. Instead, they let others take the lead and then be forced to deal with the consequences when things don’t work out.
But you don’t have to do any of that.
You don’t have to play it safe and stick to society’s “best practices” just so you could receive others’ approval.
At the end of the day, you have one shot at this whole life thing as a man anyways, so why not be true to yourself and pursue what you desire?
Ruffle some feathers when it’s necessary.
3. Always Act, Never React
Weaker men are naturally passive and hesitant.
They are usually afraid of taking initiative and going after what they want.
They wait for things to just fall onto their laps or happen one day, some day.
They tend to want other people’s permission or approval to pursue their own desires.
And because they’re scared of rejection, loss, and judgment, these less masculine men will choose to remain idle, reserved, and lazy.
That’s why most broke men out there are reactive.
Most guys who get friend-zoned are also reactive. They are too passive around the woman they like hoping she’d somehow see something special in him.
But what usually ends up happening instead is that they end up watching their crush get picked up by another go-getter, and then sit and listen to her complain about that “bad boy” for not following her program.
A lot of married unhappy men have been dragged into commitments they’ve never wanted to really part of because they were too reactive to their female partners wishes and needs.
Too many guys get stuck in terrible jobs for decades, never asking for raises or starting side hustles they’d care about because they are too damn reactive and passive.
And when you grow accustomed to this reactive mindset, you’ll naturally end up shifting blame onto others for not having what you truly want, just to cope and give yourself imaginary reasons to happily remain this idle and unproductive person — this someone you know you want to grow out of.
You must take the time to train yourself to be a proactive go-getter if you want to be more masculine.
As men, we’re hardwired to hunt and build, which are proactive activities.
We’re hardwired to fight for resources and provide means of security — all proactive measures.
Even in our current modern and civil society, we’re still required to protect our own families and women when danger comes their way.
You’re still the person who has to initiate romantic relationships when you see an attractive girl you like. Also proactive.
If you’ve ever wanted to provide a better lifestyle for yourself, you’d have to start your own business to have unconventional means of resources outside your 9-5. Proactive.
To be more masculine and a better version of yourself as a man, you must work on your own flaws and insecurities to peel off the negative traits and behaviors that hold you back. Proactive.
To lead an interesting life, you have to take the initiative in forming fun and beneficial social circles that add value to your life instead of settling with people you don’t really like just because of the familiarity. Proactive.
Good things don’t come to those who wait, they come to those who just go get them.
You have to adopt a proactive mindset — to always pursue whatever it is you want regardless of the conditions or judgment surrounding the end of this pursuit.
Because nobody is going to care about you enough to give you what you need or think you deserve.
You’re never getting hot girls just because you simply want them.
You’re never getting that awesome body just because you have time and will take care of that one day.
You need to be proactive and actually move “yourself” towards these goals.
Otherwise, you’ll die with regrets never achieving them.
4. Build an Active & Productive Lifestyle
If you want quality business partners, friends, and women, and lifestyle you must be a quality man yourself.
And to be a high-value man, you must form a lifestyle that will later become congruent with who you want to be and who you want to be with.
People are constantly looking at your routines and habits. Like-minded men will find themselves in you based on what you choose to do on a regular basis.
That’s why the rule “you’re the average of the five people you spend your time with” always applies.
Women will also look at your lifestyle, if they’re somewhat interested in you, and see if they’ll find contentment and fun being part of that lifestyle.
Because they’re emotional and reactionary beings, women will always gravitate towards a man who chooses to be interesting and always seeks good experiences with or without them.
Having said that, if you’re living an average life consisting of average routines and basic habits, then you’re never going to build this attractive lifestyle that attracts other winners, quality friends, and great women.
If you live basic, you’ll be basic.
And contrary to common and limiting beliefs, you don’t necessarily need money to form an attractive lifestyle.
Does money help?
Sure, you’ll have more options and have an easier time forming a fun and fulfilling life the more money you possess, but this is more about mindset than it is about finances — it’s about your daily choices and how you choose to spend your time with the resources you already have.
Generally-speaking, masculine men who have a lot of value to offer live their life exactly the way they want.
They only choose habits that yield them positive results.
They know that having an active lifestyle full of grinding and entertainment every once in a while is going to make them happy and fulfilled, which in return, makes the people surrounding them more intrigued and interested.
If you think about it this way: which kind of man do you find more interesting and worthy of your respect?
A guy who spends his time after work just on Netflix until sleep or the one who works on a side hustle and its required skills?
A dude who spends his weekends at home not doing much other than chilling or someone who is always grinding during the day and then having some fun socializing with friends and women at night?
A man who spends his holidays doing the same mundane activities he always did after work or a guy takes advantage of his free time to travel somewhere and look for new experiences to engage in?
Which kind of man has more positive experiences throughout life?
Which kind of man has great stories to tell and share with like-minded people who also have great experiences to share and relate to him?
Which kind of man will have a better chance at attracting women on a more regular basis?
After answering these questions, you must look at the way you spend your time and analyze it carefully.
Are you just passing time, especially after work? Or are you actually doing things that give you meaning purpose and experiences?
If you want a little more than average as a man, you need to act accordingly.
5. Use Courage to Develop Your Confidence
Confidence is the core component to being more masculine.
You can definitely not be a high-value man if you aren’t confident in yourself.
A lot of men out there who haven’t experienced true and lasting confidence look at this quality as a magical trait that is either extremely hard to get or naturally instilled in a man’s character.
And some men out there do just have “it”. There are guys who will be confident no matter what situation they go through, which could sometimes be there downfall, of course.
There are also a lot of men out there who have put in the work consistently in multiple fields of life consistently to the point where they have no fear facing unfamiliar situations. They have simply put themselves outside their comfort zones so many times and succeeded, to the point where they know through experience that a new foreign pursuit is just another pursuit.
But to the average person who hasn’t felt confident enough, the concept of confidence is foreign to him, so he’ll have difficulties tracing back and breaking down what confidence is in a man who is already supremely confident.
If you’re in this situation, you have to understand that when it comes to developing confidence in a discipline that you’re not well-versed in, the element you’ll need to kick-start that self-assurance is courage.
Courage and confidence aren’t the same.
Courage is tackling a problem despite not knowing the outcome or result. Usually there is fear and uncertainty involved, but you just go through the motions the best you can, in the face of nerves and doubt.
Once you have achieved positive results desired after dealing with your problem or struggles, you then develop confidence.
Confidence comes from experience and momentum. Courage comes from proactivity and desire.
You knowing the difference between the two can help you understand how confidence works and how to build up for it.
So when you’re struggling to figure out why you’re not confident enough to just approach women you’re attracted to talk to, you’ll know that being unconfident is normal and a very temporary state; you just haven’t approached women too many times before.
What you’ll need to do in this just act despite the fear anyway. You need to wing it to the best of your abilities and evaluate why it’s not working for you the first hundred times until you do get the right flow, by trial and error.
Once you keep going through the motions, conversations, flustering, and rejections many times and keep going anyway because you’re courageous enough to do so, you’ll eventually get some success and skill.
Then you become more confident.
And just like in the dating or approaching process, the same concept applies to every pursuit that makes you higher-value and a better man.
The more you build, the more confident you will be.
6. Set High Standards for Yourself & Others
How much others will respect you depends on the standards you set for yourself.
If you’re a guy who doesn’t expect much of his relationships, friendships, business, and family, then you can’t really complain if the rewards you get from them are little to none.
If you’re just happy to be there, you’ll get treated accordingly.
As much as this may sound obvious and logical, but a lot of men often rationalize having poor standards by creating excuses out of thin air and by not taking accountability for the bad choices they make.
They don’t have high standards for their relationships, and that’s why these men often end up in a passionless connection, resenting their partners for not being able to provide something they were never asked to provide.
They don’t have high standard when it comes to friendships and that’s why they have toxic friends who continue to always take and never give back.
They don’t have high standards for their career and that’s why the end up with dead-end jobs while fantasizing about what it’s like to have a better job with more resources.
And most importantly, most men don’t have high standards for themselves.
Because if you’re sitting there setting expectations for others without being that example to follow, then you’re just being entitled and no one will take you seriously.
It’s only after you have set high standards for yourself and then have acted upon them is when others will respect you and your standards for it.
Once you have become those standards, people will treat you differently.
If you act like a man who values his time and energy, then people won’t waste your time. They’ll be either in, meaning they’ll give you the treatment you’re looking for, or they’ll just leave you and waste some other chump’s time.
If you want to have a great romantic relationship(s), then you have act like and be a high-value man so a woman can know that she cannot mess around when it comes to you. She’ll know high-value men have options, so all poor behaviors will be set aside.
This applies to everything in life.
High standards = great rewards.
7. Set Strong Boundaries for Others
People will treat you the way you allow them to.
If you set strong boundaries and let others know there are consequences to breaching these boundaries, then you’ll naturally only let the people who respect and add value into your life.
To be more masculine and carry yourself as a high-value man, there has to be clear guidelines on how you should be dealt with.
These boundaries should be always be communicated clearly and calmly to those you interact with on a daily basis.
Because you cannot be a high-value man if you face difficulties in stopping toxic behavior from getting into your vicinity.
You cannot be an attractive masculine man to women if you’re too nice and allow them to get away with constantly testing your boundaries.
You cannot be a great leader as a father, husband, or even as a manager at work if you’re not quick to check and address BS from others.
People are always evaluating what behavior you’re not willing to put up with and then slowly morph their interactions accordingly.
Now, that doesn’t mean you just be quick to kick someone out of your life just because they’re not following your program. A degree of social awareness and calibration is required when handling conflicts and tension. Some situations will require warnings and others will need complete withdrawal and removing your valuable presence.
But generally, how you set your boundaries is something only you can figure out, but you must set them and make sure people see and understand them.
When you have your boundaries always in place consistently, you’ll find it easy to weed out negative friendships and dating options that don’t serve you. Your company will also be valuable and will only attract others who will see it as such.
In the context of relationships, women will always appreciate a man who can stand up for himself intelligently and appropriately because they’ll know that since they’re dealing with a masculine man who knows how others should treat him, they’ll also know this man will stand up for them as well.
The man’s sense of security and strength is always going to be sought after in the dating world, so never be hesitant to intelligently combat behavior that you find disrespectful, no matter what.
8. Develop Your Discipline to Develop Your Freedom
Discipline is key to developing your core and habits as a masculine man.
When there’s no discipline maintained in your life as a man, there’ll be no consistency.
When there’s no consistency, there’ll never be progress.
When there’s no progress, there’s only weakness, excuses, dissatisfaction and only negative emotions.
Most people rely on motivation to level up in any field of life. They wait for an external validation to pump them up enough to take action and continue doing so.
But the problem is, motivation is never the key to your progress. It’s never consistent.
That’s why we have new year’s resolutions, TED talks, and Tony Robbins.
That’s why most people are average.
Motivation feels good, but it’s not sustainable enough to give you a successful business, jacked figure, or models to date.
There’s skill and dedication involved in all three, and consistency is the only means to get you there.
To be more masculine and capable as a man, you must develop discipline in your habits and practices to become the man you want to be.
This means that you never wait for positive emotions and external factors to influence you enough to get things going; you must take action and then continue to do so despite how you feel performing these actions at times.
At the end of the day, everyone cares about results. You too want results.
There are no shortcuts or secret answers for what you already want to accomplish.
There is no secret sauce that’s going to keep you motivated forever. You must be disciplined.
And it’s easier be disciplined so when you have a great purpose behind your habits and work. It’s also easier when you know being disciplined will pay you back with an abundance of options later on, forever.
Discipline equals Freedom.
— Jocko Willink
9. Take Responsibility to Take Control
The difference between masculine men and feminine boys is how they take responsibility for their actions and deal with the consequences.
Some guys never take responsibility for their shortcomings; they’ll find the closest excuse to their situation and blame that for why they aren’t able to accomplish what they desire.
Want to start a side hustle?
“Can’t. Don’t have time”
Want to get better at Game with women?
“Women only care about looks, money, and status. No point in trying.”
Want to have that dream body you’ve always wanted to have?
“Can’t. I have a lot of work to do and I just want to go back home and rest.”
In the eyes of the irresponsible, there’s always a “good” excuse stopping them from becoming a better version of themselves. There is always something or someone else to blame, be it the manager, partner, bad past, taxes, etc.
When you realize everything is your fault and then act accordingly, you automatically always look for ways to influence the factors surrounding you. You’ll always be looking for ways to improve your circumstances even though it can be hard work, and that is going to make you be more masculine and develop as a man.
At the end of the day, excuses are easy but regret is hard.
10. Develop & Apply Stoicism on a Daily Basis
To be more masculine, you need to be more in control of your emotions.
When you lack that control, you’re more prone to getting distracted, being reactionary, and not consistent with your growth as a man of high value.
Men who have strong control over their emotions understand what it takes to move forward and make sound and logical decisions.
But having control over your emotions doesn’t necessarily mean just bottling up your emotions or ignoring them — this is just a form of avoidance and not actually confronting the reason behind your emotions spiraling out of control.
So it’s not about having sheer will power to just shut down your emotions. Sure, you might need to do that every once in a while, but it shouldn’t be your default state.
The point of stoicism is understanding that you should only be invested in what you can control.
Everything else that is outside your control shouldn’t be taking up space in your mind.
When you follow that general rule of thumb, you’ll avoid being emotionally invested in pursuits and people who simply don’t add value to your life.
Once you emotionally invest in the right places and in things you can control, then you will never have to deal with a lot of emotions to begin with.
You’ll become less frustrated, less concerned, and less reactive when you only limit your attention to activities and people who matter to you.
That’s why having standards and boundaries help you in becoming more stoic — you don’t need to bottle up and control a lot of your emotions when there’s little you need to worry about in the first place.
To be more masculine, you need to be more aware of your surroundings and be more selective of how and with who you to choose to spend your time with.
If you’re dealing with a friend who gets on your nerves and displays a lot of toxic behavior that bother you, then guess what, you don’t have to control the situation or your emotions with them because you can’t really control people and you shouldn’t even bother to.
Just control yourself and your presence; remove yourself from this “friendship” and then seek other more beneficial and healthy interactions with others.
If you’re dealing with a girl who is flaky, disrespectful, has a terrible attitude, or doesn’t put in much effort to make you happy, then you shouldn’t be getting into arguments with her or try to control your emotions and use your logic to win her over. You can’t control women and you shouldn’t even bother to.
Just control yourself and your presence; remove your attention and never offer it back unless you see that person acting exactly the way you want.
If you can’t control something, just drop it and move on to the next one.
11. Look Like a Man, Feel Like a Man
Most of these mindsets shifts discussed here are considered inner game developments.
There are always new perspectives and habits you can internally work on to be more masculine and become a better man.
But considering and improving your physical attributes can always boost your masculinity and give you that extra push in confidence you’re always looking for.
On the scale of one to ten when it comes to look, you can always gain an extra point on your scale in a matter of hours if you have a bad, old, or bland fashion style that doesn’t serve you.
You can also add one to three points on your scale in a matter of months if you’re out of shape and choose to fix that problem by lifting in the gym.
Most men overlook these small changes because they’re either lazy and don’t think these improvements actually make a significant difference or they’re uneducated and don’t know where to start, so they just never really start.
It’s a shame because these improvements are literally within most men’s reach, but because of their lack of discipline or urgency, they can live and die without ever getting to experience their full potential.
What a lot of guys also do is that instead of putting in the work, they choose to blame their height, hair loss, and other genetic factors for coming up short on that scale, and then continue living as unattractive men throughout the rest of their lives.
While genetics do play a factor in you looking more attractive and masculine, there are always those small changes that you can do to feel even better about yourself and become attractive to more women in the dating pool.
Take the time to research and spend some money for fashion and fitness consulting.
Make the effort to go through these physical changes that will make you look more masculine and thus be more masculine.
Replace those baggy pants with fitted jeans and average big shirts with shirt that fit you perfectly to showcase your masculine figure.
Spend a little more money to tailor your suits and make sure they’re on point instead of looking like a walking rice bag.
That money you spend to improve your looks and style will never go wasted; they’ll become investments in yourself that will pay dividends in the future when you try to network with high-value men and when you go on dates with beautiful women.
If you want to be more masculine, you need to present yourself as such.
Conviction Is Key
All these points and traits discussed above need a lot of conviction form a consistent progression, especially when you’re already living in a world where getting push-back for being a self-reliant and strong man is a threat to others.
Your “why” to your mission and development has to be powerful enough to overcome all the doubts, excuses, and blames that will come from you and others.
Nobody cares about you enough to help you become a higher-value man. So you need to keep your conviction and discipline in check if you want to take this development seriously.
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