We’ve all simped at least once throughout our lifetime and there’s no shame in admitting that.
We’ve all watched too many Disney and romantic movies growing up, thinking that the more you invest your time and put work into impressing and pleasing a girl, the more she’ll recognize this investment and reciprocate by giving you everything you’d ever wish for.
But after we’ve given a girl our all, we somehow get burned and discarded for doing exactly what we’ve been asked and encouraged to do.
Some of us need that negative experience to realize how the Game works, but most of us just don’t.
As ex-simps, almost all players learned the truth about the dating game when they got tossed aside and got replaced by another dude who has spent 5% of their efforts and having 110% of her.
Having said that, if you’re a guy who gets friendzoned a lot, gets shelved as a backup option, or never gets that 110% out of the woman you might even be already with, you need to switch up your strategy.
If you want to know how to stop being a simp and became a better lover, then you have to read this.
Please note that this post contains affiliate links. I only recommend products and services that can add value to you at no additional cost.
How to Stop Being a Simp & Upgrade Your Dating Life
1. Value Your Own Attention
Attention is women’s most valuable currency.
The more quality male attention a woman has, the happier and more fulfilled she is.
So first step to stop being a simp is knowing the value of your attention and how it creates or kills attraction.
Simps don’t value their attention and will be prepared to give it in abundance, whether they’re being respected or not.
They will give their attention when they’re asked for it and when they’re ignored.
And because simps throw their attention away like they’re pouring sand in a desert, women see those guys and their attention as a worthless commodity.
All you have to do to see how simpy simps are is to check your IG feed and look at the posts of female “models”.
Look at the number of likes, comments, fire emojis, and hearts being spammed all over, then ask yourself, “how many of these guys commenting and giving the model attention are actually spending time with her?”
Zero.
How many of the guys she’s actually dealing with in real life are spamming fire, heart, wet, eggplants emojis on her pics?
Zero.
And this is not a coincidence.
Men who value their attention because they have self-respect and better things to do understand the power of their own attention.
Attractive men understand that when their attention is scarce, it’s valued more.
So these are the men who always have the best chance at getting the attractive women .
2. Value Your Time
Your time is your most valuable asset.
It’s the only thing that, once gone, you can never get back.
Money comes and goes. Friends come and go. Women come and go.
But time moves in one direction for all of us, and the only thing we can do is utilize it the best we can.
The average low value guy who just can’t stop being a simp will never understand that, until it’s too late.
Because simps don’t look at their own time as this expensive asset that cannot be retrieved or replaced.
A low value guy will waste his time on replaceable women who have no problem taking advantage of his time-wasting and extracting that for as long as they’d like, before replacing him with another better simp temporarily.
Or a high-value man who values his own time permanently.
Men today simply aren’t taught to be selfish with their time.
It’s quite normal as guy that you take a woman out on a date, talk to her about everything and anything, and repeat the whole process over and over again until one day she hits with the “we should be friends” or “I’m just not feeling the spark.”
After you’ve already wasted hours, days, and even months that you can never get back.
Now there’s nothing wrong with a woman not pursuing what you’re pursuing, but there’s a lot wrong with you wasting too much time for it to get to that point.
This also goes for men who are “stuck” in dead relationships and unfulfilling marriages. A lot of men waste their precious time thinking they’re forced to stick to unhappiness for decades because *insert typical marriage BS excuse here.*
If you want to stop being a simp, you need to look at your own time for what it actually is — the most valuable asset you have, not a tool to get what you want.
This means you should only share your invaluable asset with those who are worth it, appreciate it, and respect it.
But that’s never going to happen unless you act like your time is that important to you.
The average woman out there is used to simps doing everything they can with their time to impress her, so she will not know whose time she has to respect until a real high-value man pulls up and lets her know, through his actions and demeanor, how his time is important to him.
Once you’ve let a woman know, then she will be held to your high standards and will either treat you with respect or leave you alone because she knows she will not be able to waste your time for her sake.
Remember: it’s only when a woman respects you is when she gets attracted to you.
3. Value Your Resources
Men and women get emotionally attached to each other differently.
Men are more invested in the physical aspect of the relationship and women tend to focus a lot on what you can do for them.
Now that doesn’t mean they’re evil — we all want something from the person we love and try to get it, one way or the other, but as a practical man, you need to understand how women behave and what they really look for.
Because if you lack Game and don’t know how the female brain is wired, you’re going to get fleeced and taken advantage of for whatever it is you can provide.
There are women out there who will use you if you let them, and you should be okay with them having such intentions.
However, that doesn’t mean you should be okay with them using you.
Never let a woman take advantage of you and take up your resources unless she has earned her place and proved that she deserves to be looked after through her actions and willingness to make you happy.
And even then, never spoil her too often; otherwise, it will become the norm and she’ll stop appreciating you for your generosity.
If you want to stop being a simp, you should never lead with your wallet, status, cars, looks, and any external attribute that has nothing to do with who you are as a man.
Because when you lead with your wallet, a woman will know you’re doing so because you aren’t all that, and need something to compensate for your lack of manhood.
All women know a real man when they see one.
They know that real and truly confident men don’t need other tools to impress others; all they need is just to show up and put their attractive qualities on display.
4. Stand On Your Square
Simps never stand on their square.
They are always pushed around by a woman’s will and are never able to say the word “no”.
Women will never respect you if you’re afraid to stand up for yourself against them whenever they test you or just ask you to do something you’re not okay with.
They are hardwired to seek a confident and assertive man who stands by his word and doesn’t get pushed into situations he doesn’t want to be in. When a woman is with such a self-assured guy, she knows she can rely and depend on him. She knows she can trust and feel safe with him.
And that’s the problem with Nice Guys who struggle with being assertive. They are okay with women walking all over them under the name of “kindness.”
To stop being simp, you must value your own opinions, boundaries, and standards more than a woman’s.
Once a woman knows for a fact that she cannot move you to fit her agenda, she’ll either follow your program (if you have one) and willingly be part of your life or leave you for good to go prey on another simp who’ll be okay with whatever she does.
Win-win situation.
When you eliminate your fear of loss and rejection to cultivate an abundance mindset, you’ll act strictly according to your boundaries and standards, which will, in return, only present you with dating opportunities that are worth your time.
5. Be Slow to Hire & Quick to Fire
When a simp sees a woman he likes who temporarily accepts him, he’ll jump on the opportunity and do everything he can to keep her.
He’ll avoid red flags and come rushing to her like a desperate and thirsty dog that doesn’t want to lose, what seems like, the last opportunity for him to ever get accepted by someone.
The reason why you should be very slow when it comes to investing in women is that not only because you need to take your time to see and understand her flaws, but you also give them an opportunity to pursue and fall for you.
Always give yourself time to vet and give the woman time to invest.
As I’ve said many times before, a woman will never fall for you because you’re doing nice things for her; she’ll fall for you when she tries to win you over.
The longer and harder she tries to win her spot in your life, the more she gets attached and the more reasons she’ll want to stick with you.
So if you want to stop being a simp, you’ll need to know when to give women space for them to pursue you and time for them to miss you.
You need to be perfectly comfortable with not talking to girls you like for days, every once in a while so they don’t take you, your time, and attention for granted.
You need to be “scarce”.
Having said that, you also need to be perfectly okay with firing and kicking someone out of your life when they really disrespect you or cross certain boundaries.
This means you need to put your self-respect and dignity over any woman you like, no matter how amazing she is.
And she has to know that through your actions and how you carry yourself.
When she knows for a fact that she cannot disrespect you, she’ll have to be on her best behavior and always work to make sure you’re happy with her.
But that only works if you take your boundaries and self-respect seriously.
Because what a typical simp may do is let a woman know that he doesn’t accept certain behavior, but then when the woman does test his boundaries, he doesn’t follow through and show her the consequences she must deal with. Instead, backtracks and continues dealing with the girl.
And if a girl calls your bluff and knows you don’t stick to your boundaries, it’s over.
She’ll know you’re a simp who pretends to have dignity when you actually don’t.
6. Know What You Want & Then Lead Accordingly
Although this seems trivial and obvious, men overlook the powerful effects and rewards of mastering yourself and being congruent with your intentions.
All the unfavorable situations guys get shoved into when it comes to dating such as being in the friend zone, being the third-wheel, or being a backup option happen to you when you don’t really know yourself, what you want, and act according to your desires.
Think about it this for a second:
If you know that you want to be dating women casually with no strings attached because you don’t like having commitments at all, and then you let it be known that these are your intentions and not accept anything other than casual relationships, how would you ever get into the friend zone?
You’d never find yourself in a situation where you’re being strung along because you’re always only participating in a dynamic that you know you want.
Any other relationship dynamic to you doesn’t exist.
You don’t have the patience to explore a relationship that doesn’t fit your needs, no matter how hot the girl is or no matter how “single” as hell you really are at that moment.
Anything outside of what you want just doesn’t even get considered.
When you develop this kind of selfish and strict mindset, you’d never have to worry about being the guy who ends up emotionally devastated for being too invested in something that never fell in line with what you are about, from the first place.
Prevention is better than cure.
Example
You’re dealing with a chick who, after two or three dates, tells you, “I think we should just be friends.”
A guy who doesn’t know what he wants and acts accordingly will settle for that because he’ll think, “well, at least I still get to talk to her. Maybe I can work my way from friendship.”
But he ends up, in the long run, getting extremely frustrated for not getting what he “secretly” wants.
He allows himself to get strung along into something he doesn’t want to be in because he allowed someone else to shape up his relationship for him according to what she wanted.
And if he passively allows a woman to just easily control the dynamic, how much respect do you think she’ll have for him?
On the other hand, a guy who knows what he wants and only follows just that will tell the woman, “No, thanks. I already have friends, but if you change your mind, let me know,” and then gracefully ends all sorts of communication without being butt-hurt about it.
He’ll recognize the BS for what it is and understand that since she doesn’t want him in the same way he does, there’s simply no point investing further in their connection.
To a guy who knows what he wants and acts accordingly, there are no whys or buts in such situations; it is what it is.
He’ll leave the ball in her court and then find her replacement(s) and she will respect him for showing character and standing on his square, something most men don’t do in this simp age we’re in.
This is how high-value men think and behave.
Always be transparent with your intentions and strictly stick to what you know and desire. Anything else simply does not exist.
7. Embrace Your Masculinity
There’s no way you can stop being a simp without learning how to fully embrace your masculinity.
But it can be more of a challenge doing that in the West when the narrative of pretty much everything is controlled by or geared towards females.
This shouldn’t stop you at all though.
In fact, you can find a lot of opportunities just being a masculine man because since men nowadays are discouraged to embrace their masculinity, you will stand out.
And no matter how much of a gynocentric our world becomes, women will always crave and respect unwavering masculine men who are in charge of their relationships, no matter what.
But not all men out there have the right masculine role models available to them for guidance, so you need to put in some work to find these role models and coaches, even if they were just online.
In the meantime, you need to become that man you’ve always wanted to be anyway.
The polar opposite of being feminine is everything you need to be to embrace your masculinity.
This means that there are certain skills and mindsets you must calibrate and keep in check for your manhood to develop.
Here are the main key masculine mindsets you need to develop your manhood:
1. Stoicism
Being in control of your emotions and knowing when and how to express them in a productive manner is extremely important to develop your masculinity.
Unfortunately, men today are encouraged to act in a feminine way when it comes to handling emotions. They’re lauded for openly crying, complaining, and talking too much.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with crying or expressing your emotions per say; there are certain situations where that makes absolute sense when you’re going through the loss of a family member or expressing your emotional problems to a therapist with the intent of solving a bigger problem you’re dealing with.
But the more you act emotionally, the more you stay in your feminine frame.
When you’re in this feminine frame, you’ll be unable to resolve your problems and think with clarity — things only masculine men are able to do.
Men and women process emotions differently. Women are wired to handle and express emotions and men are wired for problem-solving and provisioning.
Think about this; if you have a family, let’s say you’ve grown accustomed to being emotional and therefore, lack the control and clarity to lead your family out of crisis or through progression, who should your own family members turn to for guidance, security, and authority?
How can they respect you as a husband or a father when you’re unable to stay resilient enough to guide your family out of difficult situations, settle their conflicts, and guide them to be better versions of themselves?
Stoicism is progression and progression requires resiliency and clarity.
We men do not have the privilege of sulking, complaining, and waiting for problems to fix themselves.
It is always on us husbands, fathers, and brothers to simply perform and get results.
And results don’t care about our emotions.
2. Integrity
Way too many men these days have to resort to manipulating, lying, and cheating to get what they want in relationships, and that stops their progression towards being more attractive and masculine men.
Here’s how and why:
When you have no integrity and think you have to game the women you’re dealing with instead of having actual Game, you will not have any woman trust you and actually want to be with you in the long run.
This can be anything from you telling a woman you’re looking for a long-term relationship when you want to smash to you acting like you’re monogamous when you’re out there trying to flirt with girls when you’re out with the boys.
Every time you get caught lying or cheating, the woman you’re dealing with loses more and more respect for you.
And trust me, you will always get caught.
Once you start using deception once as a tool to get what you want, it will only be more convenient for you to repeat the process over and over again, until you eventually forget or lose track of the small details that have shaped up your dishonesty.
When you do get caught, the woman you’re with or trying to get will never see you as the man she should follow and listen to anymore because, at that point, you’re just that guy who has no actual principles to follow himself.
Even if she does choose to stick with you, it will never be the same.
Guys out there make a lot of excuses as to why they have to resort to lies and deception to get laid or have relationships. These excuses are made because “girls do that too” or “it’s hard just finding dates” or “it’s not a big deal”.
A guy who can’t stop being a simp will always find games to play to get something short-term
Understand this: if you want a woman to look up to you, you need to act and become better than her. You need to let go of these feminine ways to get what you actually want, permanent respect.
You need to be clear, concise, and honest with your communication to get the best results in the dating world.
Want to know why Nice Guys finish last?
It’s because they act feminine and incongruent.
They pretend they want friendship with a girl when they actually don’t.
They’ll be available all the time to a girl just because they want the same out of her.
Nice Guys don’t give a girl all of their attention just because they’re generous, but they use it as a tool thinking it would get them laid.
Because they’re incompetent enough to be direct and intentional with their words and actions.
And girls smell this ingenuity a mile away. That’s why these boys finish last, if at all.
For more on how to be a more masculine man, I’ve written an article to help you with that.
8. Become Socially Calibrated
If you take a look at one of the common traits that simps usually have, it’s being socially awkward.
Because they’re lower value and don’t emphasize on quality connections, they have a skewed outlook on both approaching women and having productive male circles, and that directly affects their ability to socialize intelligently.
Simps overvalue their interactions with women and undervalue the importance of having real male friends to do both fun and productive things with.
If you’re being a simp, having a conversation with a woman will be difficult because, since you’re mentally putting her on a pedestal and just don’t want to lose her, you’ll be unable to perform well in your approaches.
You’d always be in your head.
You wouldn’t be able to read her body language and understand her cues because you’ll be too worried about what you have to say next and whether or not you’re doing well enough to keep her interest.
And your inability to fully engage with her and read her will stop the interactions from going to meaningful investments.
This all happens when you carry a scarcity mentality with women and glorify their existence whenever you do manage to deal with one.
Also, simps generally have a problem talking to a woman and making anything happen with her because they’re too afraid of rejection.
In their minds, a girl is too amazing to talk to that they shouldn’t even bother because they believe they’re not good enough themselves.
Therefore, a simp never really levels up on a social level because he doesn’t even try or experience the interactions he secretly wants.
And it doesn’t just stop there.
When you’re being a simp, you’ll find yourself avoiding meaningful actions and conversations that better you as a man with other men as well.
Because what do you think simps talk about with when they’re with other simps?
Women.
That the main focus of their conversations.
The conversations might change every once in a while to talking about politics and what they’d do if they were actual ballers, but the number one topic is just women.
IG or Tiktok posts about women. That hot female colleague at work. Conversations about how much women outside the West are so much. Back and forths on dating apps that don’t go anywhere.
All these unproductive conversations that don’t really go anywhere will be the entire focus for these simps.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with having these locker room talks every now and then, but you have to make sure you’re always spending time with people who improve you or your lifestyle in any way.
When you’re leaving a healthy lifestyle, you form great social circles that add to your social life and therefore push you to become socially calibrated.
And this social skill is something women will always notice when you talk to them — they’ll know whether or not they should talk to you within the first few seconds based on how you present yourself and hold a conversation.
9. Set an Example to Set Standards
If you want to stop being a simp, you need to be the one controlling the relationship.
When you’re dealing with a woman outside of the friendship context, one of you will have to control the dynamic.
It’s either you or her. There’s no in-between.
And because simps are passive, they always get lead to the friend zone.
Alpha men/Bad boys/Players, on the other hand, only do what they want to do, as long as the women want the same thing.
These men always influence the dynamic according to what they want, and that’s why the interested women will follow.
But to be such an influential figure to a woman, she has to be submissive.
And for her to be submissive, she has to respect you enough to trust you, and then be attracted to you enough to listen to you.
You have to be coaching and guiding her to be a better version of herself for your relationship to progress.
If you don’t take on that leadership role, she will be forced to do this for you, because again, someone is required to control the dynamics of your connection somehow.
And she will never like to be the one leading.
No woman likes to claim the responsibility and consequences for a relationship. It’s a dynamic that opposes her nature and forces her to become the “man” in the relationship, something she will dislike herself and you for allowing it to happen.
A good masculine leader sets a good example for the rest of the family to follow; that’s why I say integrity is key.
If you want to instill healthy habits and behavior in others, you have to show them through your actions how it is done.
You can’t tell them. You have to be who you want them to be.
Once you consistently keep being the good example, you then set standards for how you and others around you should be treated.
That’s why the burden of leadership’s responsibility is always on us men.
You need to have that long-term mindset of coaching and guiding the moment you deal with someone you think you’ll want to have in your life.
10. Take Calculated Risks in Your Flirting
Anything of quality is going to require risks involved, and that definitely applies to quality relationships.
Playing it safe and risking nothing with women put you in the friend zone.
Having too many risks and going overboard with your action put you in jail.
If you want to stop being a simp, you need to be comfortable with the idea that you’re going to take calculated risks while you’re flirting to have quality interactions with women.
Far too many men out there take the friendly route because they don’t want to go through rejection or judgement they think they might face if they flirt and make their intentions known.
Instead, they will be comfortable with the idea of keeping things vague with a woman and showing her no real desire for things to go anywhere — pretty much leaving it in the woman’s hands.
And what happens when you leave the direction of a relationship for a woman to control?
She happily puts you in the friend zone, where you’ll be sitting there with a lineup of other guys who made the same mistake.
You must be intentional and purposeful with her, from the moment you approach and until the relationship is over.
You need to let her know why you’re talking to her right off the bat, with your actions and body language showing you’re there for a man to woman interaction, not a friend to friend dynamic.
If you want to stop being a simp, you must be intentional:
Flirt from the moment you open your mouth to talk to her.
Confidently let her know of your desire while qualifying her to see if she’s worth your time.
Take some risks when you push things further to escalate as you read her body language to see whether or not she’s feeling you.
Have fun talking to her even if things don’t go your way. Fun should always be where you at.
11. Always Find More Options
Having an abundance mindset is the best way to stop being a simp and moving towards being an attractive man who knows how to deal with women.
You are as good as your options.
The more options you have, the more abundance you get.
The more abundance you develop, the higher your standards become and the lower your tolerance for BS will be.
For example, let’s say you have three dates set throughout the weekend.
So you go to your first date and the chick you’re supposed to see is 45 mins late.
You get annoyed by that because your time isn’t being respected the way it should be.
Now, you knowing that you have another date in an hour and a half anyway, you just let the late first chick know that the date is cancelled because she’s late.
She’ll obviously get surprised by your reaction and starts wondering why you don’t accept her BS the same way these other simps do — other chumps who are willing to wait hours for m’lady.
As for you, the man with abundance, you just move on to the second date and enjoy your time with the next girl who respects you and your time and shows up on time.
Having options is crucial to your dating life, and women do that naturally without even paying attention.
Women already have an abundance mindset because it doesn’t take too much for them to find new options. All they have to do is show up.
But us men need to perform and display value to get value. That’s why most of us don’t have options and won’t even dream of doing so.
Options give you leverage and authority.
When a woman knows you’re the kind of guy who has no problems finding other women to deal with, she’ll get attracted to you even more.
To her, you being desired by other women is all the social proof she needs to not want to lose you.
To her, you’re not being another simp she’s used to dealing with; you’re a man of higher-value and must be treated accordingly.
A woman will always respect your boundaries and follow your standards when she knows she can lose you to other potential suitors at any time.
That’s why men are usually shamed for having options and get labeled as immature, player, etc.
You need to see right through the shaming tactics and understand why you’ll be called that — because you’re much harder to deal with when you’re attractive and comfortable attracting other options.
So go ahead, be an immature player.
At least you’d stop being a simp, right?
12. Prioritize Yourself Above All
Putting yourself above all is the key to developing good connections with quality people.
You’re not guaranteed to have a successful relationship when you put yourself first, but you cannot have a successful relationship full of intimacy, appreciation, and respect without putting yourself first.
A woman will never appreciate you and your efforts if you don’t appreciate them more than you appreciate her.
In fact, a woman will never love you more than you love yourself.
And that’s what all simps fail to do.
Simps will appease women and strategize their indirect approach to make sure women are provided for and receive the attention they need, and as we’ve said numerous times before, trying too hard will always be your downfall.
People who don’t value themselves seek value in others.
People who seek value in others are viewed as creepy, low-value, and unworthy of respect.
If you want to stop being a simp, you need to look at women like they’re all the same.
The hottest woman equals the kindest woman equals the worst woman equals the woman you’re just not attracted to.
They might look different, but they all carry the same “software”.
Once you truly understand that no woman should be pedestalized because women are all the same, then you’ll find no reason to put any of them above you.
You won’t get nervous when you approach a woman.
You won’t carry a scarcity mindset around her.
You won’t have to prove yourself to her.
You won’t be stressing about her attention and options.
When you value your own time and attention more than a woman and know why she needs to qualify herself to you, you stop being a simp forever and never have to think about being one again.
The good thing about applying this mindset is that it starts with a choice.
You don’t need to be good at anything to follow this concept. You just have to choose yourself above others, all day every day.
When you keep being selfish within reason over and over again, you teach yourself how to stop being a simp, Nice Guy, or an orbiter.
You understand what it means to control the Frame of any interaction you’re having with women to make sure that interaction is only serving you — anything else is a waste of time and beneath you.
Stop Being a Simp by Becoming Self-aware
The key to implementing all these mindshifts is being self-aware when you’re dealing with women at all times.
Are you getting what you want out of your approach?
Is your girl following your lead in your relationship?
Do you even have a program for her to follow?
Are you putting yourself before her in the relationship?
Do you stand on your square when you know you’re right in an argument?
Can you stop being a simp for a couple of days without pedestalizing her?
These are all questions you need to be asking yourself to make sure you’re aware of your position with women and that you’re not getting played or shelved as a backup option.
Remember, you don’t have to look great to be appreciated by women and you don’t have to be rich to have options. You simply can stop being a simp by just choosing not to be.
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