Why “Just Be Yourself”
Is Terrible Advice For You
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The “just be yourself” advice myth is one of the most dangerous and comforting lies people tell each other whenever they’re dealing with complex problems they can’t fully figure out.
It’s lazy advice we keep telling each other when we want to help but not sure how.
It’s an empty line we offer others when we don’t think their problem isn’t that serious. Or when we want them to just… calm down.
And if you really think about it, it actually helps build an arrogant attitude towards the obstacles you want to overcome.
To assume that just being yourself is enough is also overlooking any opportunities to learn and expand your knowledge; things that you can only do when you’re humble enough to put your ego and current knowledge aside.
I get that sometimes when you’re dealing with a difficult challenge, be it a dream job interview at that place you’ve always wanted to work at or a master’s degree defense you’ve put so much effort into preparing, it’s easy to want to seek comfort in these somewhat stressful times.
But for such situations, what would you really rather do?
Would you rather have someone telling you that you just happen to be enough for your upcoming job opportunity or presentation that you already know isn’t easy? Or would you seek practical tips for better preparation?
The truth is if just being yourself was enough, you would have never been nervous, to begin with.
If yourself was the answer, you’d never have the need to ask for help from the first place.
Nervousness is a good indicator that you’re out of your comfort zone; that you’re unfamiliar with the upcoming challenge.
And that’s perfectly fine. There is no shame in being nervous. In fact, you should always seek the uncomfortable to grow more comfortable.
On the other hand, if you choose to avoid pushing for what you desire, even if it scares you, you’ll never know if you are capable of being who’ve you always wanted to be. Then it becomes only a matter of time before you regret not taking the risks that could have made you more successful, competent, and closer to your future self.
That’s the funny thing about being yourself; it hides you from opportunities and kills your dreams, and instead, gives you what-ifs that can haunt you for a lifetime.
No positive change is going to happen unless there’s a desire for change, and no desire is going to take place unless you’re somewhat dissatisfied with your current reality — the reality that, ironically, is being yourself now.
Just Be Yourself Means Excusing Your Flaws
Another problem that comes with completely accepting who you are is ingraining a carefree attitude that blinds you from recognizing rooms for growing.
Initially, a carefree attitude sounds great to maintain, and to a certain degree, it actually is. You don’t want to care about trivial things like what strangers think of you and let it alter your self-belief. You don’t want flaws that others point out to stop you from being happy with who you are.
This is what a lot of people will tell you to do, but there’s levels to this.
You still need to notice your negative patterns and attributes for growth. And to do exactly that, you have to care enough about constructive criticism and feedback from the right people to know what your weaknesses are.
Just being yourself will never shed light on opportunities to fix your character, shortcomings, attitude, and thought process. It will always stunt your growth and give you a false sense of security to stay close-minded towards change.
So yes, accept that you’ll always have flaws, but always work on minimizing their effects, with the help of friends, family, and professionals who know what they’re doing.
You Can’t Always Be The Same Version of Yourself Anyway
Ever noticed that you treat people differently according to who they are?
The version of yourself that is out there with your friends drinking on a weekend is not the same version who’s dealing with your boss. The version of you with your partner is not the same as you with strangers. Hopefully not, at least.
How you conduct yourself when you’re alone will never be the same as when you’re giving a public speech.
Power, status, motives, chemistry, and a lot of other factors dictate which “you” should take over in any given situation.
This actually means that you can not be one version of yourself unless you want to end up alone, hated, or even in prison.
So when someone tells you to just be yourself…
What does that even mean? Which version of you should you put on?
Bad advice, if you ask me.
People Will Change You Unless You Work On Yourself
Quite frankly; to just be yourself can lead to others deciding who you should be for their benefit.
Think about it for a minute: some people who religiously follow the “just be yourself” advice seem to avoid risks and play it safe. They just do what those around them think is right to prevent any difficulties that might arise otherwise.
These people will finish school with good grades for a safe future, go to college to get a safe job, and then work at a place others approve of, comfortable, and just… well… safe.
Not that there’s anything wrong with going to school and getting a job obviously, as long as that is what you really want.
However, some people just can’t think of doing the things they really want that involve unconventional paths and strategies, even if it means taking risks, losing, and sacrificing a lot for bigger rewards.
Whenever they are presented with challenges that are considered out of the norm by others, they will avoid the golden opportunities and think to themselves, “well, it’s not worth the risk. I should just stay put as I have always been and just be myself. I don’t need to make such drastic changes to be someone I’m not.”
Such comforting excuses allow you to get molded by the norm of society and never think outside the box, even if the vision of your future nags at you constantly, begging to be explored.
Your self is malleable and mouldable, so you either choose to shape it to become something you want or you become idle long enough for others to slowly change you.
You Have to Be Versions of Others to Be The Best Version of Yourself
The best version of ourselves is an image that rests permanently in our minds.
For some odd reason, we can never escape from or fully forget that image. It can, of course, change the more we know about ourselves and how the world works, but it’s a nagging mental picture that will follow us around until the day we die.
So we have to do something about it; we choose to either suppress or follow it.
And one of the best ways you can get closer to the “perfect” version of yourself and be who you truly want to be is to experiment with being other people.
Because you’re most likely not going to have an idea what exactly you need to do to become who you’ve always wanted to become; you can always have the image but not the blueprint.
And that’s also perfectly fine. You shouldn’t know for sure how to become a better father, wife, son, businessman, boxer, producer, and so on. Otherwise, you would have already become that person.
So you’re going to look at the people around you. You’ll be investigating the brilliant minds who have the qualities you admire and the success you’d like to replicate, and then you’re going to try to copy their blueprint to see how it goes for you.
Maybe you admire Gary’s relentless work ethic and drive to become an independent and successful entrepreneur, so you try to adopt the same mentality he has and follow the strategies he has planned, and then that ends up working out.
But maybe it doesn’t work out for you. Perhaps this pursuit doesn’t make you feel fulfilled, so you at least know that this version of you doesn’t make you happy.
At the same time, because no pursuit is ever fruitless, you still manage to pick up Gary’s ability to market and sell his own ideas and products. You still end up learning something that adds a dimension to your character.
And you don’t stop there — the curiosity is still there, so you try again. You continuously experiment with new or old hobbies to see where they take you.
You end up liking Mark’s writing over there, appreciating Jeff ‘s wit and delivery online, and noticing Nicki’s charming quality of not taking herself seriously.
Everyone you admire has something you can learn from, and to learn, you’re going to have to be and act like them to know if the seemingly pleasant transition adds to your arsenal.
Like a game, life becomes more enjoyable and meaningful when you get to discover who you want to be and what you can do to get there.
If you’re struggling with finding a clear vision for yourself to pursue and/or have an idea of how you want your life to look like unable to identify the right ways to get to your goals, then I highly recommend checking out “My Vision Workshop” by Alexander Vitocco.
This is a wonderful structured and guided workshop that will help you ask yourself the right questions to discover your passion and then correctly set goals out for your vision and dream purpose to take place.
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Not Being Yourself & Not Loving Yourself Are Not The Same
A common misconception people have of adopting the ‘not being yourself’ mentality is that it could lead to them not loving themselves, so it becomes a valid reason why being themselves is such a comforting idea.
Which should make sense to a certain extent; I mean, how would you love and accept who you are if you don’t want to be who you are? What’s the point of always staying dissatisfied with your current state?
The truth is having a healthy amount of self-love is exactly what’s needed for you to become a better version of yourself. It’s appreciating yourself that makes you want to become better.
In fact, it’s actually the people who have a hard time loving themselves are the ones who face difficulties pushing for positive change. Because people who struggle with self-image issues tend to get frozen in their own state of mind — every change to them can actually be scary or pointless one way or another, so they disregard change entirely and just stay stuck where they are.
Rejecting yourself entirely is not the answer, but the acceptance of being an unfinished product is what instills the curiosity and humility you need to want to push your own boundaries.
It’s the willingness to change that will make you feel good about yourself, as it gives you a purpose to work on, something you’ll always need to appreciate the journey and grinds of life.
Just Be Your Best Self Possible
One of the most important keys to success is being able to push your own boundaries. Staying where you are is just never enough and doesn’t last for long.
From a career standpoint, there is always competition for what you have to offer whether you’re working at a corporate or being your own boss. Stay idle being who you are, and you end up losing the race.
When it comes to relationships and dating, you can never really be content with what you have as we always require stimulations and things to look forward to so you can be happy with who you are and who you chose to be with.
It might be an exhausting and harsh reality for some — to must be always working and looking for the next big thing, but when you internalize a growth mindset and truly understand the happiness and success that comes along with that proactive attitude, you’ll never want to just be yourself.