“If I keep trying… if I keep being there for her whenever she needs someone… if I keep showing her that I’m better than all those guys she keeps complaining about, she will eventually choose me for who I am.”

Said every nice guy ever, right before they finished last.

Not only is this mindset the ultimate shortcut to landing you in the friend zone, but it’s also a toxic mindset that spreads into the other domains of your life. The mindset of servitude, if not checked, will always convince you that you’re somehow not good enough. That you must go through pain and suffering to get what you think you deserve.

The sad thing is when you follow that line of thought, you never get what you think you deserve. You just get what the market thinks you deserve.

Nice guys have a problem accepting the harsh reality for what it is, especially when it comes to dating. They struggle to accept the nature of inter-gender dynamics so much that they can even blame everyone else for their own shortcomings in their love lives.

Some nice guys blame the bad boys for snatching their dream dates the “wrong” way. A lot of nice guys blame women for their “poor” preferences in men. They can even blame their own parents or society for the way they have turned out. But the truth of the matter is being too nice gets you nowhere if that’s all you got.

So let’s cut the “just be yourself” BS that all nice guys hear when they struggle to find success in relationships. Let’s look at actual reasons as to why nice guys finish last.

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Why Nice Guys Finish Last & White Knights Don’t Last

 

 

1. Nice Guys Don’t Have Their Shit Together

Men who don’t have much going on for them cannot have the best dating prospects.

As much as we’d like to think that people should just be themselves and everyone will get their woman or man of their dreams, this utopian world does not exist.

People have evolved to provide and compete against one another for the best rewards, and it’s up to us to live in that reality to get the results we want.

To be frank, in order to have a “high-quality” partner, you must be a high-quality man yourself.

Not only should this make perfect sense, but it should also make more sense than waiting for that one person as the last piece to finally complete your puzzle of happiness, just because you have good intentions.

The reality of our mating dynamics show that men compete against each other for the best-looking women and women compete against each other for the most competent men.

Women view men as success objects and men view women as sex objects.

So as a man, the more you have your shit together, the more successful you will be in the dating world.

This might seem shallow at first, and there are other factors that impact our mating decisions of course, but these are the general preferences we have been following up until now for hundreds of thousands of years. And that’s not changing anytime soon.

The thing with nice guys who finish last is that since they don’t follow the harsh rules of the mating game, the only thing they end up having left is pretty much their good intentions and kindness.

When you’re too nice, the safe and lazy just-be-yourself mentality will have to take over from there to comfort you from your incapability of navigating through the dating world. In fact, you will have no other option but to be your nice self.

After all, you have to stand out from those “other selfish assholes” who get what they want, right?

Competent men who have their life in order don’t need to try so hard to win over female affection and approval, because women tend to gravitate towards them. Successful men know they have their own purposes and goals. They’re already pursuing something bigger than female validation, so they know their own value.

Mature and successful female women appreciate and respect a man who has formed his own status and purpose in his life. They love to join men in their pursuit of happiness and hate being the pursuit itself.

Of course, some women might say otherwise. They even say they love and appreciate being the purpose of the pursuit, but once they have gone through the novelty and flattery of the chase, they eventually get bored. If you have no depth and substance to sustain that attraction, they will get so bored that they will check-out.

But if you have a strong purpose and a lifetime’s worth of pursuit going on for you, then you will have a lifetime’s worth of a healthy functioning relationship. Because you attract what you are.

So don’t seek external validation through women the way nice guys do. Instead, find your own purpose in this life and do what you love, build something for yourself, and form the right lifestyle that will manifest itself in attracting the right kind of people, women included.

Happy life, happy wife.

2. Nice Guys Think Comfort Is Sexy

Since nice guys have good intentions that are so good to the point where they have to stoop lower than most of the other “bad” guys would when it comes to romantic relationships. They dedicate all their time and energy to make sure their desired women are happy comfortable and then settle.

These guys are ready to put their dignity aside and settle for bits and pieces of attention, hoping they become the main men, hence their motto: “happy wife, happy life”.

Here’s the problem: women don’t like comfortable. A woman already has girlfriends and a buffer of men in the friend zone ready to provide all the comfort she needs, so there’s no need for you to stand in line.

That doesn’t mean you should not provide comfort to the woman you desire, because you have to provide to some degree if you want to keep her. But on its own, comfort isn’t sexy.

Men who do really well in dating know that a certain degree of tension is necessary to keep their relationship with women going. That’s why these bad boys do well with women, they keep women on their toes and even have them pursuing.

Bad boys tend to tease the women they’re dealing with instead of putting them on a pedestal. They also don’t take women too seriously all the time and choose to have fun with them instead of being too nice, respectful, comforting, and obedient.

These guys just don’t care.

That doesn’t mean you should be mean and careless around women, but understanding the importance of tension will help you become more attractive — it will help you put yourself on the pedestal so that you become the prize, and so the dynamics between you and women play out accordingly.  

3. Nice Guys Lack The Abundance Mindset

The Scarcity Mindset

The number one reason why men mess up their dating opportunities, besides incompatibility, is that they approach relationships with a scarcity mindset.

Here’s a couple of examples of scarcity mindsets and their thoughts:

– “She’s very good-looking. I don’t think I should approach her. She’s out of my league.”

– “I’m never going to have a girlfriend like the one I have now, so I’m just going to take her shit and stay.”

– “She’s the one for me and I can’t live without her, so I’ll forgive her for treating me like shit. After all, all relationships require compromise.”

When you approach dating (and everything else) with a scarcity mindset, you’re always going to act and react out of fear. And guess what happens when fear is in charge of your decisions?

You make the worst possible decision. Every time. All the time.

Act out of fear of losing and you’ll compromise way too much for the wrong person.

Think that you’re not a quality person and you’ll never have a quality partner.

Believe that being alone sucks and you’ll settle for an abusive relationship willingly forever.

Have a scarcity mindset and you’ll also never want to have your shit together.

But if you own an abundance mindset, you’ll naturally be in a powerful position to have things go according to you.

The Abundance Mindset

Having an abundance mindset means:

1. You will only make decisions that serve your best interests.

Having an abundance mindset means having high standards for yourself that will keep you satisfied and engaged in a relationship. You become the highest priority to yourself and you get to experience the relationship in first-person and not from their perspective.

It’s crucial to remember that your own life revolves around just you and the relationship revolves around you both. If you mess that balance up,  you will lose control of your part of the relationship and eventually your own life.

Once that balance is lost, you become a spectator of your own life instead of actually leading it. This, of course, doesn’t mean that you should not compromise at all, but maintaining the right mindset and frame develops the right self-awareness to keep you in check.

2. You know how to be extremely comfortable and content with being alone.

Any negative relationship will appear for what it is; a downgrade on your default status.

When you have an abundance mindset, women will know that you won’t settle for less than what you deserve. Women will feel that you’re capable of happily walking away, being alone, and can find someone else who’s capable of adding value to your own life if they ever push things too far.

Nice guys finish last because they’re incapable of being alone, so they settle for whatever treatment they get just to avoid having to deal with themselves.

3. You don’t have to try too hard.

And that’s a liberating thing.

When you have an abundance mindset, you will naturally be comfortable in your own skin on dates or in a relationship so there’s no need to try to impress.

Many guys panic and when they’re trying to get to know someone or maintain a rocky relationship because they see the girl as this glorious prize they’ll never find again.

This results in trying so hard and coming off as inauthentic and clingy.

4. You can say “no” when you need to.

Overly nice people always have a problem standing up for themselves and saying no to what doesn’t work for them. This results in losing the respect of women in the process because they value both the other side of the relationship and being in the relationship itself way too much that they are prepared to sacrifice their dignity in the process.

Women notice that; they always do. And it’s hard not to take advantage of that.

Here’s a secret: women actually like to be told no every once in a while.

They’ll rarely admit it, but amongst themselves, they say that they appreciate a man who can stand up for himself and stands by what he believes is right, even it frustrates them.

Under the right circumstances, saying no and sticking with what you believe is right commands respect. And without respect, you got no attraction.

White knights, on the other hand, don’t even realize they need to stand up for themselves. They tend to convince themselves that taking their queen’s mistreatment is loyalty and a test for their resilience.

But if you always treat a woman like a queen, she’ll treat you like a peasant.

5. You will be bolder and more confident

Having an abundance mindset means you care less about messing up a dating opportunity. When you care less, you can task more risks, and more risks mean better rewards and bolder moves.

Women like men with balls. Balls stop you from falling into the friend zone.

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“The world is full of abundance and opportunity, but far too many people come to the fountain of life with a sieve instead of a tank car… a teaspoon instead of a steam shovel. They expect little and as a result, they get little.” — Ben Sweetland

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How Do You Develop An Abundance Mindset?

It’s completely normal to struggle with adopting an abundance mindset when you don’t have the tools to back it up from the start. You can’t be extremely confident in something that you don’t have, and that’s very understandable.

The only two things you need to do adopt the mentality is to:

1. Keep your scarcity mindset in check.

Whenever your mind tells you that you don’t deserve someone, tell your mind to sit down. If you’re unhappy about something and don’t want to voice your frustrations because you’re afraid of being criticized or ignored, then this is exactly the best time to speak up.

Every once in a while and depending on your self-assurance, you will be doubtful. You will think that you don’t deserve someone because she’s out of your league or too good for you. It’s important to be self-aware and let go of these doubts as soon as they appear.

Don’t hesitate in your dating opportunities and long-term relationships to make something right for you. After all, the fear of taking action is always better than the regret of never trying.

2. Fake it till you make it.

It might sound scammy and fake, but realistically you can’t do what you can’t do unless you start doing it. Act as if consistently and you will get the experience you need to correctly achieve the abundance mindset.

Remember that mindsets are skills for the mind that need practice. And we all have to start somewhere to be the better version of ourselves.

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“Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.”  — Wayne Dyer

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If you’re seeking a guide on developing that abundance mindset, the right mindset, to start attracting the perfect opportunities, interactions, and then dealing with them correctly, then I highly recommend checking out “The Abundance Mindset” guide.

4. Nice Guys Lead Themselves To Rejection

Some nice guys tend to mislead themselves and, therefore, mislead others.

Every man has certain methods or ethics to attract the opposite sex. Some men just go after what they want knowing they risk getting rejected, and others try to get what they want without going after it head-on to avoid rejection, only to get rejected in a harsher manner.

Nice guys finish last because they mislead themselves when they befriend women they want to date instead of presenting themselves as potential sexual partners.

To avoid rejection, they will play it safe and accommodate all the woman’s needs hoping that she “gets it” and that she magically transitions the friendship to a romantic relationship.

But most of the time, things don’t go that way.

The woman usually accepts the free attention and care from the special friendship (who wouldn’t), and the nice guy gets frustrated at her for not giving him what he exactly wanted. Something that, at that point, exists only in his own head.

The nice guy usually then continues the cycle of “just give her more love till she loves me” and “why doesn’t she give the same affection that I give her?” until either the woman gets completely turned off by the mixed signals and distances herself from him or the guy just tells her about his feelings out of desperation and frustration.

Then he gets rejected.

After emotionally investing so much to get her approval as a partner..

After putting in the hours of listening to her on the phone complaining about all the assholes she dated and how she wished she found someone like him..

After so many gifts bought to win her over..

He still gets rejected.

Only then will the nice guy wish he had just asked her out from the start and risked the possibility of getting rejected right there and then.

It’s important to understand that women know when a guy’s being a friend just to get something more. They eventually know after seeing the same story unfold with so many other guys, and it always comes off as a huge turn-off. Women see that indirect approach as a display of insecurity and deceit.

You Don’t Have To Be An Asshole

If you want to stop being the nice naive guy, you don’t necessarily have to be what’s on the other end of the spectrum to get what you want.

Being nice is a necessary quality in any kind of healthy relationship, but only when it’s genuine and only when it accompanies other competent traits.

Be confident, fun, and ambitious. Be consistent in doing what you love. Become successful in your personal goals, and you will manifest a high-quality lifestyle that will hand you the best rewards in life.

Nice guys finish last when they don’t grow past their kindness. So don’t waste time and attention on women that forget yourself in the process. Appreciate yourself enough to grow past seeking external validation.

Remember: you attract what you are.

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