15 Telling Signs She Doesn’t Want a Relationship with You

So you’ve been seeing or dating a girl for quite some time now.

Maybe you see some potential in her or maybe you’re already attached and want to move things to a more official and exclusive relationship so you can have her all to yourself.

And put all those pesky doubts to rest.

You might have already asked her to be exclusive and you might have not yet, but the thing is, and this is probably why you’re here, you don’t see her sharing your excitement for the potential of being together.

So you’re hesitant and have questions, naturally.

To help you figure out where you stand with her, here the signs she doesn’t want a relationship with you, and then what you can do about it:

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1. She’s Not Looking Forward to Anything Special

A woman who is angling for a relationship with you will automatically think of a future with you.

At first, she’ll make small plans with you or ask you to plan to do something with her for a day to enjoy your company and be closer to you.

Then as the connection progresses, she’ll try to occupy more of your time and attention; she’ll text more, ask you about your day, what you’re up to, and of course, who you’re hanging out with.

The more invested she is in you, the more she pictures that future.

It becomes a matter of time before she starts asking for exclusivity to make sure she can keep you all to herself.

Because that’s what normal women are hardwired to do — they will always aim to secure more of you as a man, especially when you’re of higher value and have something to offer.

The future and what’s next will always be something for her to think about, so all you need to do is take a look the kind and the direction of conversations you have with her:

Does she plan or ask for trips with just with you?

Do you have this sense of urgency that comes from her wondering what’s going to happen next between you?

Does she ask you if you’re planning to get in a relationship, get married, or be a father one day?

Does she ask you what kind of partner or father you want to be when and if the time comes?

If you don’t get these kinds of questions, then you’re either not at that point yet or she just doesn’t want a relationship with you for whatever reason.

If she’s not acting with a little urgency every once in a while, then there’s no serious initiative for her to consider.

2. She’s All About What You Do for Her

You can easily tell the difference between a girl who wants to be in a relationship with you or someone who is just content with your attention by noticing what she’s actually focused on when it comes to you.

Is she really interested in what’s going on in your life? Or is she asking you what’s up just for small talk and to keep a conversation going?

Does she follow up with your current events in life and ask you if she can support you in any way? Or is the conversation seem to be strictly just about her life and problems?

Are conversations more of a give and take? Or is it one-sided with you the one getting her to talk?

Is she actively trying to put herself in a position to be important to you — to be a woman who compliments your life, or is she just chilling as any friend would or comes to you just to share her experiences instead?

Women who have no desire for you yet keep you around will have a more self-centered role in this connection you have. She’ll keep you because you’re a good listener or able to support her in some way, but there’s no actual drive towards pleasing or pursuing you.

This will also become more apparent when you’re asking her to do something for you or how she prioritizes spending time with other people over you.

Ask yourself: “what does she bring to the table?”

3. She Blatantly Tells You She’s Interested in Others

If she starts “casually” mentioning other dudes in your conversations, then either she’s considering you a platonic friend to talk to you the same way she talks to her girl friends, or she’s trying to make you jealous and see your reaction.

Because let’s not forget, women who are into you will test you at one point.

But either way, you should know where you stand with a woman when she talks to you about the hunky dude who asked for her number at the gym or complains to you about that f*ck boy she slept with on the first “date” after matching on tinder and isn’t giving her the attention she wants.

Understand that if she really wants to be in a relationship with you, she’ll be very careful not to make any situation even just look like it can ruin her chances with you.

You’ll see that even if there’s nothing really going on, you’ll find her explaining, sometimes when it’s not necessary, her friendships with other guys. If she’s into you, she’ll want to make it clear that nothing would complicate the situation between you and her.

She’ll want to make the path to her exclusivity as simple as possible.

So if you’re dealing with someone who’s just nonchalantly bringing up her frustrations with other men she wants to have but can’t get, then you’re just too invisible as a potential option that she considers you her girl friend.

4. She Doesn’t Get Jealous Over You

Jealousy is the ultimate sign she wants a relationship with you and that she wants it to be official.

If you cannot at all feel that territorial drive coming from her from time to time, then most likely, she’ll just not want to be with you, unless she’s into non-monogamous or open relationships.

She doesn’t have to be super jealous and patronizing, but there has to be a healthy degree of fear of loss involved to keep her desiring you.

5. She Wants to “Work On Herself”

When a woman tells you she wants to work on herself, then understand that, most likely, it’s just a nice way of turning you down without having to reject you directly.

In “womanese”, working on herself means she’s not available.

To you.

She’ll say that and then go date other dudes, no problem.

She’ll even say that just to go date other dudes.

This is an extremely common excuse women use when they have been seeing you for some time and not really feeling you or when they would like to exit a relationship with you without having to confront you about the real reason why they want to leave — that they’re just not attracted to you anymore and want to move on to someone else.

90% of girls in this situation already have someone in place to move on to.

So when you hear that, don’t bother confronting her about it or try to let her know that you do know her intentions.

Don’t waste your time figuring it out or trying to fix things; she already has someone else lined up.

Just gracefully let her go, reflect on the mistakes you’ve probably made, and then move on.

6. She Tells You “It’s Not You, It’s Me”

That’s another extremely common excuse women use when they want to leave a relationship or just a situation you’re already invested in.

Again, women don’t like to confront you and tell you that they aren’t attracted to you anymore. They know this is not a pleasant thing to say and, if they don’t know you that well, they might be afraid of your reaction when you hear the ugly truth.

Most probably, she’ll just tell you that’s “it’s her, not you” because she wants to move on to the next dude who has more to offer and presents himself as more of a challenge.

When you hear that, know that it’s because you’ve been too nice, complacent, boring, obedient, or comfortable for her that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore, while still acknowledging that you do have “nice” qualities.

It’s the guilt of her knowing that you did too much to make her happy that is why she is giving you this excuse.

7. She “Wishes” She Could Find Someone Like You

Whenever you hear a chick telling you that, realize that it’s just game over for you.

It’s time to just pack up and leave.

Because her telling you that means she has no attraction for you at all, but realizes that you have given her too much for her to appreciate.

She knows that you’ve been helpful, listening, and kind to her, but again, it’s just not enough to spike her desire towards you.

She’ll obviously not actively pursue a relationship with you when you’re already just there; available for her all day, every day.

You’re not being unavailable, mysterious, and independently sociable and active enough for her to want to be part of your fun and interesting life.

You’re not making her earn or work for your attention. Your attention is cheap when it’s supplied in abundance and is one text away from having.

That’s why she thinks she would want a guy like you, but in reality, she doesn’t.

8. She Is Always “Busy” or Flakey

Nobody in their right mind would be into you yet just hand you the “I’m busy” excuse whenever you ask them out.

That doesn’t mean that women don’t have the right to be busy — they should and so should you.

But when a chick doesn’t make herself available to you at all unless it’s a group setting or just for aimless online communication, then she obviously doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.

She’s just content with having your attention in her free time when she’s not out on dates with other men she’s actually attracted to.

This will be more obvious when it’s time to make plans with her; she’ll be very active and engaging online until you ask her out, and then you read the following texts:

“We’ll see.”

“I’ll let you know.”

“I’m busy these days.”

And the most common one you’ll hear on the day of your date: “Something came up.”

These are the typical responses a flakey chick will give you when she’s not interested or not enough to actually be there with you.

She isn’t prioritizing your company, which automatically means she’s prioritizing someone else’s.

Unless she takes the time to offer another date to make it up, you’re wasting your time even if she’s very responsive when texting or on social media.

Don’t be that dude who accepts flakey behavior, you’ll only enable this behavior even more by letting her know your time isn’t that valuable, and once she senses that, it will be game over for you.

9. She’s Hot & Cold

One thing that’s very common with girls who think you’re just not enough for them, is that you will always be kept at arm’s length.

And the frustrating thing about being in that position is thinking you’re going somewhere by trying even harder.

She’ll be hot one day, telling you that she misses you and give you more attention than you’re normally used to.

Then she’s cold as ice the next day, not even responding to your text or acknowledging your existence.

Inexperienced men in this situation get completely confused and not sure how to deal with the on and off relationship that seems like it’s going somewhere but then doesn’t.

The typical nice guy will only look at the bright side of things and continue to invest. He’ll tolerate the coldness and unavailability remembering the warmer moments he has had with her before.

Like a hamster on a wheel, the gullible nice guy will continue chasing for that next pleasant moment with his queen that’s on the pedestal.

He’ll blindly pursue her validation while putting his dignity aside until he gets what he has hoped for: a kiss on a cheek or a quick half-assed hug.

That will be all he needs to justify his mindless pursuit.

And that woman will fully realize how much valuable she is to him than he is to her.

Would she want a relationship with a guy like that? Nope.

All she has to do is feed him just a little bit of kindness here and there to keep him at arm’s length and to keep him chasing and giving her his all.

Never allow yourself to be in this situation.

10. She Says She Doesn’t Want a Relationship Right Now

This one has wasted so much time of so many men it’s absurd.

Most of the inexperienced men who pursue just one woman they like hear this excuse and actually believe that. They believe she isn’t ready for a relationship, just right now.

But that’s BS.

Again, it’s one of those excuses a woman will give you when she knows she has you by the balls and wants to nicely turn down your approach for a relationship while still finding a way to keep your boyfriend-like attention to herself.

All for free.

When she says she doesn’t want a relationship with you right now, what she really means is that she doesn’t want a relationship with you.

She will immediately be ready once the Giga-Chad shows up in her life to sweep her off her feet and panties.

But she will never be ready for you.

What Nice Guys often do in the situation is actually wait for the chick to “be ready.”

These poor chumps keep courting her as if they’re already boyfriends, giving their unearned attention and time for nothing in return.

They think they can convince someone to choose them by giving more, instead of taking the “L” and realizing the situation for what it really is: rejection.

You should never have to be in a position to wait for someone to choose you.

Desire does not need to build up; she either wants to be with you and makes it happen or she just isn’t.

11. You’re Always in Her Frame

This one isn’t too obvious for men who don’t understand Frame and what it really is. So, briefly, here’s the difference between maintaining Frame and being in someone else’s Frame:

If you’re the kind of guy who agrees to everything a woman says, schedules activities according to her availability, asks her to make decisions for you, and let her emotions, mood, and opinions take control of the dynamic between you, then you’re in her Frame.

And if you’re the type of man who just goes after what he wants regardless of what others think, schedule his plans according to what suits him, forms and influences his own reality to look like a life he actually wants, has no problems leaving a woman when she wastes his time or disrespects him, then you are maintaining your Frame.

A good leader always makes sure he’s in control of the Frame and that others are respectfully following him.

He makes sure that others aren’t following them just because they have to, but because they benefit from being in his Frame and see that leader as a man of value and worthy of respect.

And women are always looking for a strong leader they can be with.

No matter how strong or independent a woman is, she’ll always want a stronger man who is able to take care of her, so she can relax and be her feminine self.

Having said that, you need to know that when you let women take control over your dynamic between you, even if it seems innocent, you deprive them of a chance to respect you as that leader who they can settle for and want to be with.

When you comply with too many of a woman’s requests and follow her lead, she becomes less attracted to you because she’ll longer trust herself to just lay back and play her feminine role.

So when you lose control of where your connection is heading and leave it into her hands, she’ll have no reason to want to be in a relationship with you.

However, that doesn’t mean you need to be a forceful jerk to control a relationship; calibration is key and social intelligence is required.

What you always need to do is influence your relationship by reinforcing her positively when she complies and agrees to do whatever it is you want, and then by removing your attention or availability when she does something you don’t appreciate at all.

The ugly truth for most men out there is:

To have a lasting, healthy, and intimate relationship, you cannot just relax by putting your masculine role aside and let your girl just take care of you.

12. She Doesn’t Initiate Communication or Intimacy

Raw desire is the best way to indicate where you stand with a woman, and what’s a better way for her to show you interest other than initiating all sorts of contact towards you?

A woman who can’t keep her hands off you or stop talking to you just physically and mentally wants you, and if she is the relationship kind of girl, it’s only a matter of time before she shows you she wants a relationship with you and hitting you with the “what are we?” question.

Of course, there’s nuance to this sign. A woman might naturally just be a friendly girl who’s very touchy or can be purposefully touchy just to manipulate you and leverage fake desire to get you to do what she wants, so you have to gauge her interest and look for consistency, intensity, and if there are other signs.

Generally speaking, to get this relationship to a healthy place, you should have the woman invested in you to a point where she at least initiates contact more than you do.

Otherwise, you initiating more consistently will force her to see you as needy and unattractive — this is behavior is actually the most effective way to push a woman away from you and, eventually, to someone else.

Always give her room to enjoy your company when you’re not there; she needs her space to come back and pursue you.

She needs to be left alone every once in a while for her attraction to build up.

13. There’s Less Tension Than Comfort

A powerful sign that a girl will never want a genuine relationship with you if she’s already too comfortable with you, right off the bat.

To understand how comfort and tension make or break dating opportunities, you have to know what exactly happens when you focus on one and neglect the other.

When you’re aiming to make it too comfortable to a chick, she’ll not only have no desire to move forward with you, but she’ll take you for granted and lose a lot of respect needed for anything meaningful to happen.

And as we always say, there is no desire without respect.

Make the mistake of being too available, compromising, and predictable, and there will be no excitement for her to choose to be with you and only you.

On the other hand, too much tension gets toxic quickly and only invites drama, instability, and breakups.

That’s why bad boys are intoxicating and women have a hard time getting toxic out of their systems and lives. But that’s also why it’s not a stable enough relationship to be in, long term.

Women crave tension but when it’s moderate and balanced with comfort.

You want the woman to be comfortable enough to stay and nurture the relationship while also not having you figured out completely — just enough to want a future with you while not knowing for a fact that she will always be able to keep you.

14. The Connection Is Purely Physical

It’s not always the case that you can’t be with someone because you’re in the friend zone; there are situations where you could have a physical relationship with a girl that brings you both a lot of intimacy, yet being with her doesn’t happen.

You could be hooking up with a girl on a regular basis and the dynamic just stays that way, for quite some time.

She’ll be emotionally unavailable to you and not feel like spending more time with you outside the bedroom.

Unfortunately what happens in this situation most of the time is that someone eventually catches feelings and secretly starts seeking more emotional bonding.

If a man knows what he’s doing and knows how to draw the lines to keep his emotional and physical needs separated, it’s usually the girl who’s the one who pushes for a more of a traditional relationship that’s not just based on desire.

But when a man isn’t experienced or aware enough to handle this dynamic, he could fall for a woman at one point, and then try to influence the relationship to become something more than it is.

Once a woman notices that, she might get flattered at first, but it’s highly likely that she will get startled and then put off by the transition.

Because it’s not something she has initiated or hoped for.

As a general rule, men are the ones who pursue intimacy and women pursue relationships.

When a relationship is physical, a man can have more control in a relationship and therefore get more respect and desire. But when a relationship is more traditional and exclusive, this control and power shift towards the woman as it serves her needs more than it does to men.

So when you, the man, push for a commitment, you show the woman you’re acting out of scarcity and masculine Frame. You give her no initiative to play her feminine role and pursue your commitment.

And when she’s not quite on the same page with you, she will not want to be in a relationship with you, unless you’re extremely high-value and have a lot to offer to get away with this needy behavior. Only then can you get away with it, if you know what you’re doing.

Never ask for exclusivity.

Always let a woman do that instead so she invests in the process of getting you to commit and appreciate the time and effort it takes to just be with you.

15. She’s Too Hung Up On Her Ex

She can’t invest in you if she is already heavily invested in another man.

Unless you’re way much better than her ex in every department, if he’s living rent-free in her head every day, then it’s probably a good idea not to expect a relationship from her, if that’s what you’re hoping for.

Especially if she just got out of one.

Because even if she does get into a relationship with you, what ends up happening is that you’ll either end up as a rebound or her ex’s competition.

And being a rebound isn’t fun when having an actual and genuine bond with a girl is what you’re looking for. You will always feel that there’s something missing in the connection between you, that it will almost seem like it’s a fractured connection between you three.

Being his replacement isn’t good either as you will always feel incompetent and incomplete when the subtle comparisons between you and him come your way, and they will come when she starts telling you how her ex used to this and thought about that.

You will have to match her standards by copying your ex, which is something you’ll never do and shouldn’t even try to.

You’re your own man and if she can’t be happy with that, then you’re wasting time following someone else’s script.

Setting Boundaries & Having Standards

If you notice a common theme in these signs and how to deal with them, you’ll realize having better quality relationships depends on having strong boundaries set to be respected and standards to be met.

When you understand that the more a woman pursues you, the more she wants you, you’ll know that chasing a woman’s exclusivity by trying to win her over actually pushes her away.

The question shouldn’t be: “why isn’t she wanting a relationship with you?”

It should be reframed to: “why would I want to be in a relationship with her?”

It’s the right Frame of mind that gets you success in dating, not the amount of effort you’re willing to make to prove yourself to someone.

Chase success and value, not women.

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