Let’s pretend you are a beautiful woman.
This is indeed a strange way to start the conversation, but to fully understand what shit tests really are, we’re going to dive into that “complex” female psyche by pretending you’re an absolutely gorgeous 24-year-old young woman.
So whenever you, being the 10 that you are, decide to go to a club with a couple of your girlfriends, you always notice men keep staring at you and your perfect hourglass figure that has been well-crafted over the years at the gym.
This kind of attention has become so familiar to you ever since you were allowed to drink and step into a club.
All these men lining up nervously left and right just to get a chance at gaining your approval…
And whenever you go to class or work, you always see other women eyeballing you, your hair, and your pretty face, usually with a hint of envy. These women even come up to you with a compliment to ask you how you’ve maintained this amazing appearance of yours.
That too you’ve grown accustomed to.
You’re so used to the spotlight of beauty to the point where you’ve been conditioned to believe that so many people either want you or want to look just like you.
Everywhere you go, you’re always the center of attention, in both real life and online.
Now, with this kind of influence, think of all the things you’d get away with just because of how good-looking you are.
How would your social media accounts look like?
How many likes would you get just taking a selfie?
How effortless it would be to get followers and thirsty betas complimenting you just milliseconds after you post a “belfie”?
What would your DMs look like?
Most importantly, what would happen to your self-esteem once it’s continuously showered with all that external validation?
Now, you, still being the same woman, assume you would like to meet one of those men chasing after you and have a good time.
You realize you’ve got so many options. You’re even spoiled with too many great choices.
There is hunky Chad here having women swooning over him because of his looks and vibrant personality.
There’s also Tyrone over there who’s a very attractive, mysterious, and funny man who asked for your number a few days ago.
There’s an abundance of choices that you start to wonder, “How do I know which man is the best for me? Never mind long term because it’s impossible to figure this out just right now. How do I find the right dude just for the next weekend?”
Because, unfortunately for you, you can only physically be with one man at a time, and since there are a lot of good suitors out there, it can get really frustrating finding that high-value man who has a lot to offer.
And obviously, you wouldn’t like to waste time being with an average dude — you want to make sure that it’s really worth it once you get out of the house.
So you have to find some way to screen out the bad apples. Surely not all of these men will be high-quality men, right?
Some of them are clingy and thirsty.
Few will be downright assholes.
Probably 90% of them are phonies pretending that they’re the shit, even when they leave an impressive first impression.
That, my friend, is where shit tests come into play.
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So What Is a Shit Test?
A shit test is any action, question, or comment that a woman will hand you to determine test the strength of your character and degree of confidence, in order to evaluate you as a sexual option.
Shit tests are usually unintentional, but under some circumstances and every once in a while, women will deliberately take it up a notch with their testing just to see what you’re made of.
These tests never take place just once; you’ll get tested regularly from the moment you get to know a woman till death or consistent beta behaviors do you apart.
The good thing about being tested is that you can control the frequency of shit tests depending on how well you’ve been reacting to them.
If you’ve been responding to these tests successfully and regularly, you’ll notice a future decline in their numbers and have a very clear idea of where she stands in the relationship.
But if you consistently fail at catching those sharp hurdling obstacles, they will keep coming hard until the woman you’re trying to be with/already with figures out that you’re not a high-value man enough to be with her.
This means that women will test you even after they choose you.
Once she believes that you’re not the most confident alpha man she can get, then it’s game over for you.
Now, if this is the first time you’ve been hearing about this mechanism, you’ll most likely think, “what is this guy on about? why would women do that?”
And I get it; shit testing seems too cruel and unfair to believe. It also probably portrays women as these evil manipulative beings who have nothing better to do other than playing games, which is not the case.
But by the end of this article, you’ll have a clear idea of why women subconsciously use that mechanism and how you can use this knowledge to your advantage to have and maintain the relationship you’re looking for.
Why Do Women Test Men?
Women have always been the gatekeepers of sex. And this is why they must test you.
To see how this came about, all you have to do is look at our humble beginnings:
Since hundreds of thousands of years ago, we as men have always had the ability to physically have sex as many times as we’ve liked, given the opportunities and fitness of course.
We’ve just had the liberty to spread our seeds numerously with very little downtime in between.
Diseases aside, the process of sexual activity to us had little to no consequences. All we ever had to deal with were temporary exhaustion and maybe some awkward small talks that followed in our ancient rugged huts.
Our downtime of a few minutes meant that we never had to think too much about our sexual options, not that much compared to women at least. So when there were no consequences for us to deal with, there was no need to think too much about our options.
Women, on the other hand, couldn’t do the same when a chance of pregnancy was always looming.
The physical strain and emotional investment of getting laid just one time were very expensive. There was a lot to go through to carry just one seed, so it was necessary for them to consider their options carefully before going through such the demanding process of giving birth.
This mechanism has ingrained their careful selective nature in their minds for hundreds of thousands of years, and this is why women are the gatekeepers of sex.
They needed to test men before any kind of seed slips in.
So when you intuitively know that you’re going to be sexless and in pain for nine long months after having sex once, it’s going to make sense for you to evaluate your options to see which is the best for you and your offspring.
Why Women Screen for Confidence
Since we live in a civilized society now, we no longer have to resort to harsh and barbaric tactics to climb up hierarchies and claim resources as we had to a couple of thousands of years ago.
Clubbing your mating competitors today is pretty much frowned upon, so instead of our physical capabilities, there’s more emphasis on other positive attributes such as ambition, character, and mental strength to compete in social and professional hierarchies that provide resources and security for families.
If you look closely at these traits, they can all be traced back to the most important quality a man can possess when it comes to mating, and that is confidence.
Confidence determines the potential for value, which shows promise for professional success and thus security. To display the type of character that shows women you’re capable of providing security, you need some degree of confidence in your own values and principles.
To attract women using your wit and charm, you need a bit of confidence in your own intelligence and sense of humor.
To show drive and ambition, you’re obviously going to need confidence in your vision and dreams to pursue what is meaningful and purposeful to you.
For acquiring the mental strength that women tend to seek in potential mates, you need confidence and self-belief to overcome the challenges you face, which will in return, sharpen your mind and make you even more competent.
Anything that you have to offer that is valuable will need confidence for it to be on display, and anything that is positive, scarce, and valuable is going to be attractive one way or another.
So the moment you introduce yourself as a potential sexual option to a woman is also the moment she also starts intuitively testing your confidence first before figuring out who you are as a person.
What Are The Types of Shit Tests?
You might wonder, “Well now I know the definition of a shit test and why it takes place, but what does it look like exactly in interactions with women?”
It’s all provocation.
A woman will ruffle your feathers by poking fun at you, annoying you, or sometimes even blatantly disrespecting you just to see how’d you react, and whether or not you believe you’re worthy of her time.
Shit tests come in many different forms and while people in the ‘sphere have different categorizations for shit tests, here are a few of the most basic and common types of these tests to give you an idea of what they really look like:
1. Compliance Test
A compliance shit test is always performed by a woman to see if you’re going to obey her at your own expense.
This kind of test lets a woman know how much you value yourself and how far you’d be willing to stick to your principles whenever they’re challenged.
How you value yourself and your own values is more than enough for a woman to evaluate you as a potential option.
When you fail compliance tests, she’ll intuitively realize that since you’re not capable of protecting your own values, then you’re obviously not capable of protecting her or her future child.
Women like leaders and appreciate those who can take charge. And to be that kind of man, you can’t be willing to compromise and sacrifice who you are (principles) and what you have (resources) just to win someone else’s approval.
Hello nice guys and beta orbiters.
You’ve probably already noticed that high-value and competent men are never forced to comply and agree to do things they’d rather not do just to please others. In fact, men who know and stand by their values are so grounded that they would rather lose a relationship than be forced to become something they’re not.
And this is what attractive women appreciate and screen for.
Confident men who have mating options don’t need to put women on pedestals.
Going out of their way to fulfill women’s desires and wishes doesn’t even make any sense to them.
Men who know what they have to offer fully understand that if their women were to leave them for not complying, these men will find other more suitable options to match their needs.
Having said that, the number one reason why beta orbiters and “nice guys” fail to attract the women they want is that they find it extremely difficult to say ‘no’ to these women.
“Nice guys” are too compliant and agreeable, and that kind of scarcity mindset and fear of loss or rejection prevent them from passing these compliance shit tests to stand out as men who take can charge and provide security.
Instead of returning the favor in a sexual or romantic context as these beta orbiters typically would hope for, women will happily line up these compliant guys to be their friend-zoned emotional tampons while still waiting for the non-compliant Alpha man to sweep them off their feet.
Only a man who maintains his Frame and is selfish with his time and resources will have no problems passing compliance shit tests.
Examples of Compliance Tests
– “Can you hold my purse for me?”
– “Can you look after my kids while I go out?”
– “Buy me a drink.”
– “Take pictures of me.”
– “Can you wait here while I go talk to my friends?”
– “A real man opens the door/pulls out the chair/carries things …”
– “A gentleman would never do this..”
– “Let’s just be best friends?”
– “What would you do if I’ve ever cheated on you?”
2. Congruency Test
At the beginning of any interaction and assuming she’s at least intrigued by you, a woman will always test you to see if your words consistently match your following actions and that your actions continue to be on the same wavelength.
Basically, everything you communicate and present that shows value has to be congruent enough to make sense.
That’s because women already know that men can leave a good first impression as cocky funny men or confident mysterious individuals or whatever the image men choose to display and impress, but then have that image completely break down once it’s tested in a stressful social situation or a difficult state.
Nobody wants to be tricked by false impressions and games, especially when the other person is keen on getting you to bed.
That form of testing is called a congruency test.
Examples of Congruency Tests
– “But I thought you said…”
– “I thought you were like…”
– “A real man would do this/never do that..”
3. Fitness Test
Sometimes girls will test you just to see you’re confident enough to handle her banter and engage with her socially. They will do or say something provocative “hoping” you’d react emotionally for their own entertainment, but if you manage to pass the fitness test, they could be the ones reacting emotionally.
The good thing about fitness tests is that even if she was not interested in you initially before, you passing them can turn things around and result in an investment.
By winning her over with your sense of humor, you show her that spending time with you is worthwhile and could lead to something more.
Examples of Fitness Tests
– “You don’t seem like you’re my type.”
– “We’re not having sex tonight.”
– “Do you say that to all the girls you approach?”
– “You’re so short; I only date guys who are at least 6 ft”
– “I don’t date bald guys.”
– “Are you gays?”
– “You’re old enough to be my dad.”
4. Dominance Test
A dominance test is a form of shit test a woman will present you to test your Frame to see if she can wear the pants in the relationship. This kind of test is to let you both know who is in charge.
Examples of Dominance Tests
– She shows up late on a date.
– She rearranges your things at your place.
– She leaves her stuff at your place.
– She tries to reschedule a date you’ve already set or change the location of your date.
– She attempts to change your schedule to fit hers.
– She shows up unannounced at your place.
– She tries to shame you into not doing or doing something that she doesn’t like, such as not hanging out with your friends on weekends, playing games, meeting up with your family, etc.
– After having an intense argument, she asks you to sleep outside/on the couch.
– She asks you to unlock your phone or give her your passwords because “you shouldn’t be doing anything wrong anyway so there’s nothing to worry about.”
5. Nuclear Shit Test
A nuclear shit test is the kind of test that attacks your masculinity head-on.
This kind of major shit test is usually intentional, desperate, and disrespectful. It’s also usually executed out of anger, jealousy, or for the sake of revenge.
Having said that, not every challenging situation is going to be a playful shit test that you can handle by being sarcastic or dismissive. There are times when shit tests get too disrespectful that the only way to deal with them is by not dealing with them at all. More on that later.
Examples of Nuclear Shit Tests
– She talks to/hangs out with her ex or even asks you for permission to do so.
– She suddenly starts accumulating more male “friends” that were never there before.
– She flirts with someone else in front of you, with the excuse that you’re not in a relationship just yet.
– She flirts with someone else when you’re already in a relationship behind your back.
– She pulls back and ignores you all of a sudden with no valid reason.
– She makes a mistake and then tries to make you apologize because she’s upset.
– She threatens to leave with the kids if you don’t follow her program.
– She asks you to leave the car in the middle of an argument.
How Do You Deal with a Shit Test?
1. Ignore It
The easiest way to deal with a minor shit test is to absolutely ignore it.
Ignoring a test lets a woman know that you’re not taking her playful accusations or provocations seriously enough to even bother responding to them, which displays a certain degree of confidence and being grounded.
Women crave attention, good and bad, for validation. You ignoring their emotional baits, from time to time, will actually encourage her to seek your attention in a more healthy way.
With that being said, you usually can ignore shit tests or change the topic whenever you feel like you can’t really capitalize on the test and use it as an opportunity to turn the interaction into something more intense and emotionally engaging.
Because the downside of ignoring shit tests, as you might conclude, is that it doesn’t invoke emotions and sparks that are required develop attraction within your interaction — something you’d want to go for immediately when you’re meeting a woman for the very first time and want to leave a meaningful first impression.
Ignoring shit tests in long-term relationships can also hurt you as that can be understood as you not being able to stand up for yourself. This is usually the case when shit tests come in the form of passive-aggressive behaviors that are better handled by checking them immediately.
2. Agree And Amplify
Agreeing with a shit test’s false claim and then amplifying its absurdity will display your confidence and sense of humor immediately. This method can also turn any negative tension that’s directed at you into a positive interaction you’d both enjoy.
Example 1
Example 2
Woman: “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
You: “All of it is true.”
3. Pressure Flip
A pressure flip is when you reverse a shit test back its tester. This reaction works perfectly when you’re in person and dealing with someone who is acting extremely confident and would like to get them off their high horse.
Flipping a tester’s script will also let them think twice before testing you again, so it could be the best way to deal with tests under the right circumstances.
Example 1
Woman: “Do you use that line on all the girls?”
You: “Only the ugly ones.”
Example 2: Tyler Durden from RSD uses this line frequently in his interactions:
Woman: “You look old.”
You: “What is it about older men that turns you on so much?”
Example 3
Woman: “Are you a virgin?”
You: “Yes, and I’m losing it tonight.” *wink*
Example 4
Woman: “You’re old enough to be my dad”
You: “You want me to be your daddy? Slow down, girl. We’ve just met.“
Example 5: When your girlfriend tests you
Her: “What would you do if I ever cheat on you?”
You: “That would be a relief! I’d finally go do whatever I want. With whoever I want.”
Example 6
Example 7
She: “We’re not having sex tonight.”
You: *Phew*
“I don’t want you taking advantage of me.”
4. Just Say “No”
Sometimes all you have to do to deal with a shit test and let anyone know that you’re not the type of man to take the BS is to simply say “no.”
It’s an easy and effective word that can do wonders when used at the right time and in the appropriate circumstances, something nice guys usually have a hard time understanding.
Example 1
Girlfriend: “Can you hold my purse for me?”
You: “No.”
Girlfriend: “Why not?”
You: “I don’t hold purses.”
Example 2
Wife: “You know what? I think you should sleep on the couch.”
You: “Nope, I’m sleeping in my own bed.”
Example 3
Woman: “Can we meet at 5 instead of 9?”
You: “Can’t do 5.”
Woman: “Something came up..”
You: “Alright, we’ll do this another time.”
6. Leave/Pull Back
As we’ve just mentioned earlier, not every shit test has to be dealt with by being playful or dismissive.
Sometimes the whole interaction is just not worth the hassle.
There are times when you’re going to have to see with an action or comment for what it is: major disrespect. To which you have to react accordingly.
Leaving someone who has wronged you with no arguments on your part is the most effective way of maintaining Frame, character, and strength.
Whenever you show an offender you have the ability to walk away, you let them know that you’re not the kind of man who’s going to sit there and take it. Even if you do end up losing the relationship in the process.
As messed up as that may sound… chicks dig that. They secretly like men who can put them in their places when it’s necessary and just leave when they don’t feel like dealing with BS.
By walking away, you leave the ball in a women’s court and give them both an opportunity to realize the mistake they’ve made and a chance for them to apologize. That’s assuming it’s a mistake you think could be forgiven, of course.
But that only works when you actually stick to your decision to leave and you’re prepared to ditch the relationship.
Because once you change your mind for whatever excuse you might come up with and go back to the wrongdoer, you immediately claim the weaker and submissive position in that relationship and set yourself up for even more abuse to take place later on.
Nuclear shit tests will happen with everyone you know, not just with women.
Friends, bosses, families, employees, and enemies will always test your mettle by stepping out of line every once in a while to see what they can get away with.
It’s part of our nature to gauge each other’s characters for our own benefit, so you cannot really prevent the shit tests from happening, but you can always control how you react to them.
How You Should Not Deal with a Shit Test
1. Explain Yourself
The moment you start rationalizing a shit test and explain to a woman why it’s not true, you lose.
Because once you start answering these tests like you’re they’re written tests, you immediately put yourself in a position where you’re trying to logically convince a woman that you’re a valid option. And once you try to convince her of your argument, you come off as someone who is seeking her approval and have something to prove.
That’s the complete opposite of maintaining Frame.
Here are a couple of examples of how you should not be explaining yourself in an interaction:
Example 1
Woman: “You don’t seem like you’re my type.”
Man: “But you don’t even know me yet?”
Example 2
Woman: “You’re so short; I only date guys who are at least 6 ft.”
Man: “I’m taller than you.”
Confident men who have options don’t need to explain themselves or prove anything to anyone.
Women obviously intuitively know that, so it’s in your best interest to leave all the logical arguments to your male buddies and debate clubs and engage with her emotionally instead.
Replace deductive reasoning with being playful and dismissive towards her false claims.
After all, women want to feel something when you interact with them. They want you to change their moods, not their minds.
“You cannot negotiate genuine desire. The idea that you can rationally barter for someone’s real desire is the biggest lie ever sold by modern psychotherapy. In fact negotiating has the opposite effect on desire, it only prompts obligated compliance and resentment.”
Rollo Tomassi
2. React Emotionally
Nothing screams “INSECURE” to a woman more than reacting emotionally to a shit test.
Men who don’t understand the point of shit tests often get flustered and angry when they’re faced with one. They get caught up in how absurd or “insulting” a shit test is, and then fire back with an emotional response that only lets the women know how emotionally unstable these men are.
And no woman is going to be attracted to a man who seems like he’s more emotional than her.
Example 1: A Common Texting Situation
A woman pulls back and ignores a guy’s texts all of a sudden with no valid reason.
Man: “Hey, seems like you’ve disappeared, haha. What have you been up to?”
The woman then leaves his text on seen and still doesn’t respond. The man realizes that he isn’t getting the response he wants, so he panics and sends another text.*
Man: “Hey, are you still busy?”
At that point, the woman realizes his emotional reaction as clingy and offputting, so she decides to ignore him permanently.
Example 2: Taking It Personally
Woman: “A real man would do this/never do that..”
Man: “And what do you know about being a real man?”
Example 3: Getting Angry For Being Uncomfortable with The Truth
Woman: “We’re not having sex tonight.”
Man: “Who said I wanted to sleep with you?! Full of yourself, aren’t you?”
3. Excuse Major Disrespect
Especially when you’re dealing with nuclear/major shit tests.
Some men often mishandle nuclear shit tests by rationalizing bad behaviors and attitudes displayed by women out of fear of loss or thinking that the situation is only temporary.
But little do they know that tolerating major disrespect once immediately opens the door for more ridicule and disregard to follow.
This is exactly how men develop sexless marriages and abusive/toxic relationships.
Here are some of the most common excuses men tell themselves as they fail nuclear shit tests:
– “We’ve been together for a very long time. She is the love of my life and I just can’t see my life without her.”
– “Can’t just leave because of the kids.”
– “She wasn’t like that when we first met; maybe this is just her going through a rough time..”
– “I can’t just leave and get a divorce otherwise I’ll lose everything I have.”
4. Overanalyze the Situation
It’s very common for newly red-pilled men to struggle once they understand what a shit test is and the reasons behind it.
They talk to a girl they like, get tested, notice that they’re being tested, and then overthink as they try to come up with a suitable/humorous response to “pass” that goddamn test.
What usually ends up happening with these men is that they become too focused on the test itself and therefore no longer interact in an organic manner with the women they’re talking to, which leads to these men freezing in the interaction and not knowing what to do.
If this is a problem you’re dealing with, then what’s going to help you is maintaining enough Frame for the shit tests to not settle in.
This is easier said than done, but it requires a lot of practice and accepting the fact that you’re always learning. You won’t be able to react perfectly in every single situation, just navigate through your interactions or approach instead.
So don’t start worrying about what kind of test you’re dealing with in the middle of the conversation. Always keep your playful but in control attitude so that your humor flows organically and genuinely.
Frame Is Always the Answer
You’re never going to be successful in dealing with shit tests unless you’ve already developed the right mindset, character, and Frame.
When a woman already feels your genuine confidence that has already been manifested correctly and consistently, long before meeting her, she’ll be less likely to test you, to begin with.
A lot of PUA’s out there give men quick tips and cheap tricks to help with passing shit tests — like memorizing cheat codes to win women’s approval and get laid.
While you might find some success with some pickup lines when approaching women and passing a couple of their tests, you might not really have much to offer beyond that initial interaction.
Memorizing lines don’t give you actual substance.
Sure, it helps to know the Gaming aspects of dating and remembering a couple of go-to lines to help you ease off the tension during interactions, but fully relying on easy PUA shortcuts for immediate and quick success will only set you up for quick failure and frustration.
Instead, maintain Frame by acting like and being the prize while, at the same time, accepting the shit-testing female nature for what it really is.
Learn to do both and you’ll be able to find organic ways to spark emotions in a woman during your interactions, no matter how attractive she is.
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