16 Definite Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship with You

So you’re here because you’ve been dating a guy for some time now, but you’re not sure where he stands with you.

You’ve seen some indications that he doesn’t want to be with you and others show that he’s actually interested.

It’s a hot and cold sort of connection you have there, and while it excites you sometimes and makes you happy, especially when you’re with him, it’s also frustrating not knowing what his true intentions are.

You’re in a blissful state when you’re on a couch together watching something and cuddling but in a panicky state when you realize it’s been six months and he has avoided any sort of commitment so far.

Since this is a situation that is way too common for most women out there, here are the definite signs a guy doesn’t want a relationship with you, so you can actually see things for what they are and not for what you want them to be:

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1. He Contacts You Only When It’s Convenient For Him

You see his text. You get excited.

You talk for a bit and you’re smiling wide after each text. You’re happy he finally gives you more attention than he normally does.

But then, as usual, he’s just gone.

“That’s okay,” you think. “He’ll come around. He must have things to do.”

You start wondering when he’ll text back, but you don’t want to wait for that long, so you hesitantly just text him instead.

And he still doesn’t respond.

Hours and maybe even days go by, and none of your messages get acknowledged.

Even though you see his social media stories, comments, and posts there and all over the place.

But then… finally, things change…

You see his text. You get excited.

And this cycle just keeps going on, until you get too frustrated about it that you start letting it out on him or you just avoid talking to him entirely, while still secretly waiting for another text — hoping he notices your absence and puts some more effort into talking to you.

But if you’ve been stuck in this cycle for a very long time hoping he’d change or that things would go somewhere, then you need to re-evaluate the connection you have because it’s a very clear sign he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

If you get the feeling that he’s talking to you because he’s just bored, then it’s not enough drive for him to take you more seriously, assuming that’s what you actually desire.

He’s only passing time until something else that’s more interesting comes along.

2. His Conversations Revolve Around Getting Into Your Pants

Booty calls. Nudes. S*xting.

If these are the only recurring subjects in the conversations you have with him, then he doesn’t want a relationship with you, he just wants a relationship with your booty.

Whether you’re okay with that or not is really up to you, but you have to know that if this has been going on forever and you’ve been expecting more for him, then it’s just not going to happen.

But you have the right to take part in a bond that you too desire and not get strung along in a dynamic hoping for more.

If, for a long time, you feel that your relationship has stunted at just humping or talking about it humping, then most likely it’s not going to blossom into an actual connection.

And if this is a situation that frustrates you, makes you feel used, or just leaves you feeling like you’re missing something, then it could be time to take things for what they are and not what you want them to be.

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3. He’s Always Busy & Doesn’t Have the Time For You

It’s perfectly normal to be busy, every once in a while.

Men have ambitions, social circles, families, training, dogs, cars, and problems to take care of. They should be at least, for everyone’s sake.

And when you have a man who has his own life, you have to be extremely understanding when it comes to how he likes to spend his time.

There are a lot of psycho girls out there who won’t let their man breathe and finish his tasks without nagging him about not being able to spend more time with him.

Successful men who have something to offer are usually already weary of people who unintentionally stop the men’s progress at their craft, so you don’t want to be one of -those- girls.

So if you’re dealing with a man who gets busy every once in a while because he’s doing something productive or just wants to chill with the boys and you’re very supportive of that, he will most likely appreciate that and then enjoy the time you spend together even more.

He’ll find comfort in being with you which will only encourage him to invest even more into your relationship.

Men are just that simple, especially if they’re already in love.

This doesn’t apply, however, if you just never get to spend time with him.

When he’s always busy for a long time, then unless he gives you a valid reason why he is always extremely occupied, you shouldn’t be having high hopes for a future with him.

“I’m busy” is the easiest excuse to avoid giving time, attention, and effort to someone else.

For the “busy” guy you really like, it’s a cheap, easy, and logical enough excuse for you to just accept his low investment for what is.

But you don’t have to accept a situation that leaves you ignored, unfulfilled, and frustrated for too long.

If you’re not even in a relationship with him, then it’s okay to expect him to be busy because he has other chicks or friends that are more important to him, and that’s exactly why he just doesn’t want a relationship with just you.

He already has everything he wants, so there’s no need for him to change how things are.

4. He’s Emotionally Unavailable And Never Really There

Okay so finally, Mr. Busy gets his stuff together, proposes a date, and actually follows through.

He chooses to see you in a nice place that’s not his bed and you could actually see some effort being put into you and him.

So you guys meet, and for once, you’re happy about the conversations, date, and the attention you’re getting from him.

You finally feel like you’re getting what you actually deserve.

But as time goes by on that date, you feel that there’s something missing.

The excitement, energy, and attention he showed you, in the beginning, have begun to wane.

He’s not really genuinely interested in what you have to say, do, or think anymore.

You try to keep things going in the conversation, but it’s only a matter of seconds before he switches off again.

You’re not sure why he’s not there anymore. It’s frustrating; he seemed fine just a few moments ago.

But then you realize that this has been happening over and over again, just not as frequently and not for long, so you didn’t even think about it. Because the short happy moments with him made you forget about all these times he was just not there.

As time goes by in this unlabeled dating phase, you’ll also realize that he rarely shares his thoughts, stories, or just events throughout his day. He’s also less interested in keeping the conversation going and asking about you, your day, and anything that could be of importance to you.

If this applies to you, then there’s no way he’s going to want to be with you.

5. He’s Showing Girls on IG/SC Love Instead of You

It’s pretty normal for a single guy to flirt with girls left and right all the time. This is what single guys do and social media makes flirting even easier.

If you’re not officially in a relationship with him, you technically don’t have the right to be telling him what to do, even if it makes you jealous and even if it’s annoying, as long as he doesn’t rub in your face and become too disrespectful about it.

However, if he avoids any sort of commitment and showing you more love and attention because he’s always busy texting and liking other girls’ pictures all the time, then you should be realistic about your chances of having an actual relationship with him.

Time might and might not change the course of your connection with him, but a guy who is already too occupied with the ladies perhaps won’t want to be in one relationship when he can be in many more without the commitment.

6. He Doesn’t Want to See Your Family or Friends

Unless you’ve just met him recently, the idea of him seeing your best friends shouldn’t be too strange or ridiculous to him.

A guy who doesn’t want a relationship with you will avoid your own social circles at all costs.

The desire or curiosity to want to know the people that matter to you only comes to a man who has developed an actual connection with you. This genuine interest is only there when he feels that sharing a life with you is, at least, a possibility to him.

If after many months of you being with him, he doesn’t develop this curiosity or interest in getting to know what your life’s like with other social circles that don’t involve him, then most likely what you already have — right now — might already be what you’re always going to have, should you choose to remain in this “relationship.”

Before you jump to conclusions, however, you must also consider that meeting your friends or family step is a daunting task. Some men avoid it because they are afraid of leaving the wrong impression and others think it’s simply too soon.

The specific sign you should be looking for is disinterest and apathy; the desire to keep things just the way they are and no interest in progression.

7. He Makes You Feel That Asking for a Relationship Is Wrong

Asking for exclusivity is never easy. Having “the talk” is always going to be a little awkward and scary. There’s never an easy way to go about things, and that’s perfectly understandable.

In fact, asking a man to be with just you, and only you, for a long term should make you nervous — it means you care, respect, and appreciate the guy enough to want to be with him.

But you should not feel like you’re doing something wrong asking for exclusivity.

If you’ve had the talk more than once, with months in between, and you still get don’t get the answer you’re looking for, then he should snap out of your hopes and dreams, because he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

Every situation and talk is different; one man is going to tell you that he’s not looking for anything serious right off the bat, which is honest and respectable on his part.

Another guy will beat around the bush and not give you a clear answer. That’s because maybe he isn’t sure about you just yet, or maybe because he is sure he doesn’t want to be with you but wants to keep you around, and perhaps he just doesn’t know what he wants.

How you handle this situation is up to you, but when you get rejected the first time, it’s very possible that you’ll get rejected the second time as well.

And every time you ask, you’ll feel more discouraged. Every time you ask and choose to stay anyway “for a bit”, he’ll get more encouraged to reject you again without worrying about you, because he knows you’ll not want to leave.

Some women get extremely fixated on having this one special guy all to themselves, so they keep trying that they lose themselves in the process.

They stick around hoping the guy will just magically see them for their long-term potential.

But if it hasn’t happened for a year or two, then most likely, it’s not gonna happen at all.

How you act fully realizing this is, again, your decision. There’s no right or wrong answer and every relationship is different, but it’s important for you to understand your chances after every rejection you get.

If it’s an exclusive relationship you want, then you have the right to have and get exactly that.

Or leave.

8. There Is Always Some Excuse for Not Being Exclusive with You

“I love you but I need more time, babe.”

“Let’s see how it goes, hun.”

“I’m not where I want to be yet to be exclusive, dear.”

“I need to figure things out first before I get into a relationship.”

“I need to work on me first before I commit to you.”

These are all some of the typical excuses men come up with when they’re not interested in a monogamous relationship while still keeping you around.

Whether these excuses are valid or not is irrelevant. It is what it is.

You should be understanding if a man you love doesn’t a relationship with you because he really needs the focus, time, and effort all to himself. There’s no point in being with someone who feels like you’re going to be in his way; you want to be with a man who has his stuff together and wants you to join him on his path to more success.

And you should also be understanding if he is giving you excuses to keep you without being fully committed to you. There’s no point in being with a guy who doesn’t want to commit to you because you’re only going to make him resent you for pressuring him into being with just you. You want a guy who wants the same thing you do.

There’s no point in waiting for him to change his mind when you’re already fed up with not addressing your desires and him being emotionally unavailable to you for way too long.

Understand that what you’re getting now, especially after a year or two of dating him, is probably not going to change.

9. You Feel Like You’re On Eggshells Around Him

One clear sign that a man does want to be with you for the long haul is that you’re able to express yourself freely and open with him, within reason.

Typical arguments aside, he’ll make sure you’re comfortable enough to actually talk to him, share your opinion, and voice your frustrations from time to time.

This also means that if you’re in love with a guy but you’re always in a state of fear around him when he’s upset, he’ll sense that and act accordingly.

When tensions arise in your interactions and you avoid the conflicts most of the time, he’ll just do whatever he wants regardless of how it makes you feel.

When you always have to watch what you say because you don’t want to lose him, then most likely, he’s not going to take you seriously.

He’ll know that he can pretty much get away with whatever he wants since you will be afraid to leave or have a normal conflict.

And a guy who isn’t worried at all about losing you will not have an incentive to be with you exclusively.

10. He Doesn’t Respect Your Time or Plans

If he’s always late or never considers following through with your plans together, then he doesn’t take your time or you seriously.

If he breaks every promise and always cancels off of any meetings, then he doesn’t take his words and you very seriously.

And if he doesn’t take you seriously, then he’s definitely not going to be serious enough to want a relationship with you.

Think about that before you continue daydreaming about having kids together – how are things between you going to develop if he continues to prioritize his own plans and activities over yours every single time and whenever he feels like it?

Is it okay for him to be busy?

Sure.

But is it okay for him to keep giving you his word on doing something and then canceling all the time?

That shouldn’t be the case.

If you’re dealing with this situation, you have to know that this is on you.

The reason why he gets to not take your time seriously is that you don’t make it clear enough that you’re feeling disrespected.

Make sure you’re not always available to him when he frequently cancels his plans with you.

11. Your Friends/Parents Warn You About Him

A clear sign he doesn’t want to commit to you is when most of your friends and family members tell you that it’s indeed the case.

It’s not always very easy to just take what they seriously, especially when you’re in love, missing out on the red flags, and happy with how he makes you happy by just being with him.

Other than the occasional jealous people that will pop up every once in a while, most of your best friends and family members actually know what’s best for you. They aren’t in the relationship and therefore don’t see him through the same rose-tinted glasses you’re probably wearing.

And sometimes it’s healthy to have people who just see what’s outside the box that is your relationship.

Because what usually happens, in this case, is that friends will mention these red flags but you’re going to give them excuses.

You’re going to tell them that he’s much nicer and better than what they think just because you’re the one who knows him personally.

You’ll see the good side of him, glorify it, and then completely ignore his flaws because that’s what love is all about — it makes us dumb and high enough to not see the logic in our interactions.

If there’s more than one person being doubtful about his commitment towards, then it’s best you, as objectively as you can, just consider what they have to say.

You don’t have to comply, but at least compare what they to what you’ve experienced for a better sense of judgment.

12. He’s Always Panicky When You’re Around His Phone

Not that you should be snooping on his phone, even though let’s face it, we all like to do that every once in a while to see where people stand, but if he acts a bit sketchy when you’re close to his phone for whatever reason, then most likely, there’s something you “shouldn’t” see there.

Something like.. relationships with other girls that could be more serious than the one you have?

Maybe it’s not that bad, but this uncomfortable and panicky vibe you get whenever he has to use his phone next to you should let you know that there’s something up, and because of that, it would definitely affect your relationship with him, one way or the other.

How you should deal with that kind of depends on how long you’ve been together and how well things have been going. If he’s committed to at least seeing you and providing you with something other than being in bed with you and if your connection with him is relatively new, then you shouldn’t worry about it too much.

But if you have been dating for a very long time, then this could be a sign that he’s not really going to want to be in a relationship with you.

Because he has other chicks to see, and a relationship would only get in his way of that.

13. He Keeps Forgetting Everything That Has to Do with You

Look, men will never keep up with all the details in your conversations. That’s not how they are wired.

It’s perfectly understandable when he doesn’t remember that one time you had an argument with Alicia at work so bad that you haven’t talked since.

However, if he never remembers anything that has to do with you, then it should show you how much he actually cares about you.

When a guy genuinely has no interest that has to do with you beyond the bedroom, he’s also genuinely won’t remember your dates, stories, conversations, and birthday.

Assuming that this is an ongoing situation that frustrates you, you should at least manage your expectations of him and then act accordingly.

14. He Talks About His Ex Often

If he’s stuck in the past, then he won’t look forward to a future. Not one with you at least.

Men who have unresolved conflicts or emotional investments with their exes will never see other potential relationships clearly. Instead, they will explore other options as rebounds or distractions to not have to deal with the consequences of their past relationships.

So if you’re dealing with a man who is always referring to his ex, comparing you to her, or being lost in his thoughts whenever his ex brought up, then you have to take a closer look at where his mind and feelings are at.

Because there’s a good chance you could be wasting your time investing in someone who is just too emotionally occupied to want a relationship with you.

15. You’re Always Confused About Where Things Are Heading

It’s perfectly fine to feel like you’re not really sure where things are heading every once in a while.

Life gets in the way and offers you opportunities, disappointments, drama, problems, and clarity as you share an intimate experience with someone you love.

In the beginning of a relationship, it’s normal for things to not be so clear — you’re still figuring each other out and wondering where the other’s intentions are. You play the dating game and just hope for the best.

This honeymoon phase is exciting because everything’s a mystery to be explored and should settle into a more comfortable phase as you get to know each other more.

However, this exciting mystery can turn into anxiety when it stays directionless for too long. And it’s not an easy thing to figure out or even notice.

The thing is when you’re outside the relationship, it can be easy to notice how a relationship can go from exciting to toxic — there’s no emotional investment and memories to cloud your judgment.

But when you’re in a relationship, you often find yourself addicted to the excitement this “relationship” brings to you. The emotional roller-coaster that comes with being directionless and confused for too long occupies your mind to the point where you don’t necessarily want to leave.

Add in a couple of nice memories here and there, and then you really have a hard time letting go of the guy who clearly doesn’t want a relationship with you, yet sticks around because he enjoys your company anyway.

16. You’re Just Tired & Mentally Exhausted

At one point, after waiting or hoping for that guy you really want to just be with you for far too long, you’ll get exhausted, emotionally drained, and burned out.

You’ll get tired of this foggy, frustrating, and maybe even toxic relationship that has no stable foundation to it.

You’ll realize that even though you might really love this guy, you’re just never going to be happy dealing with him not being fully committed to you.

It will become obvious to you that settling for a few moments of bliss, passion, and love with him while also settling for doubts, arguments, and anxiety wondering where things between you are going to go next isn’t an enjoyable life.

When you get to this point in a half-relationship, you might come to the conclusion that you’re just not going to end up with him. He’ll always be on foot in and one foot out, and he might not want to be in a relationship with you. Ever.

Knowing When to Leave

The longer the unlabeled grey dating phase goes, the less likely you’re going to get a healthy and exclusive relationship.

Nobody knows what to expect, what the standards should be, and which boundaries you both shouldn’t be crossing; therefore, it’s easy for feelings to get hurt, misunderstandings to be formed, and things to escalate between you.

There’s also no responsibility or obligation for any of you to keep the connection going once things go a little sour — that’s why ghosting and nexting are very common ways of dealing with conflicts in this grey area.

Unless you’re okay with casual relationships, you should not let this foggy phase play out for too long, especially when you realize your feelings are getting hurt or want more from the man you’re dating.

The talk is always going to be scary and intimidating when you’re spending too much time with someone who isn’t making his long-term intentions known, but — worst case scenarios — either you’re going to get rejected and stop investing more time and energy into this dead end relationship or you’re going to get a lame excuse that lets you know he definitely doesn’t take you seriously.

And with some of these signs we’ve mentioned, it should be clear to you then that it’s time to let go, move on, and find someone else who is looking for what you’re also looking for.

Want to learn the secrets to getting a commitment from the man you desire?

Read the “His Secret Obsession” guide.