“So entrapped are we in our self-expectation and self-imposed limitations that we fail to see that we have always had the keys to our own prisons – we’re just scared shitless to use them.” ― The Rational Male
Please note that this post, The Rational Male Book Review, contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases at no additional costs to you.
“The Rational Male” is the first of a three book series written by Rollo Tomassi. The book is a structured collection of articles Rollo has written over the years on his own blog and other dating forums.
This book aims at educating men in intergender dynamics and how they can better themselves as men by improving their sexual market value, in order to optimize their approach towards successful relationships.
“The Rational Male” is very straightforward, unapologetic, controversial, and will challenge a lot of what you already think and believe in when it comes to intergender relationships.
You will either love this book for giving you an enlightening perspective on relationships, or you will absolutely despise it for its seemingly cynical outlook on the female gender.
Either way, you’ll find yourself reflecting on your own personal experiences as you understand how these intergender dynamics work. Most men who have read this book, including me, will tell you that they’ve recognized a lot of mistakes that they have made in their previous relationships or dating opportunities that they have never noticed before.
In fact, most readers wish they would’ve read this book a little earlier before making life-changing decisions involving romantic partners and families. Don’t be one of those guys.
I highly recommend reading this book (or listening to it on Audible) with a very open mind to fully understand the complex and slightly controversial arguments that you’ll be presented with. I mean it’s not easy for anyone to be told that a lot of what he has been conditioned to believe in when it comes to relationships is wrong.
The only problem I had with this book is that it wasn’t perfectly edited. You will find the author reiterating a couple of points over and over again. It seems the book wasn’t perfectly structured as the following books in the series. But that’s pretty much the only downside I have found.
Having said that, let’s get to the main key points Rollo discusses in “The Rational Male”.
What You Will Learn From
“The Rational Male”
1. Hypergamy Doesn’t Care
Before reading this book I had no clue about the nature of the hypergamous female gender. I didn’t even know there was such a thing called hypergamy. And when I first came across this term, I thought that generalizing and implying that women choose partners based upon their financial competency was ignorant and sexist.
Hypergamy means women only marry men who are higher in social class or who earn more money? What?
Nah, not all women are gold-diggers. Women choose their partners based upon who they are as individuals. The financial situation is just a good plus that comes next.
That’s what we’re supposed to think, right?
Unfortunately, this is not entirely the case, and there’s a very good reason for that.
Women prioritize provisioning capability not because women are evil and manipulative beings who just want men for their money, not all of them at least, but because it has always been women’s imperative for survival. And it’s not only necessarily just for her own survival, but more importantly, it’s for providing for her future children.
That, of course, doesn’t mean women will always choose rich assholes who treat them like shit, but let’s not kid ourselves; men don’t care that much about how much money a potential partner is making. Unless of course, she’s making more money, but that’s another story.
Women must have a good idea what the man is capable of as a provider. Women do the choosing, and she has to have a reason to ward off all her other options and consider a long-term commitment with one man.
This is how we’ve evolved. Women are hypergamous because they have to be more careful with who they choose; they can only get pregnant once every 9 months. On the contrary, men don’t deal with the same consequences, so their standards aren’t as high as women’s.
To say that women today can be financially independent and don’t need a man to provide for her does not change what women find attractive in a man for relationships. A couple of decades of social engineering will not alter hundreds of thousands of years of psychological and behavioral hardwiring. Not anytime soon at least.
Some people view hypergamy as harsh, selfish, and opportunistic. That might be the case, but there’s no point feeling some way about something if it’s true. It is what it is, and the sooner you come to terms with it, the sooner you understand that there is no such thing as romantic love and the fewer disappointments you will have to face.
There’s no point wishing things were better. Sometimes you are the one who has to become better.
One of the most eye-opening statements that I have read in this book was that because of hypergamy, women cannot love men the way men expect women to love them. Women love opportunistically and never unconditionally.
If you think about it, it kind of makes sense. However, I disagree with Rollo claiming that women are the only ones who love opportunistically. Men also love opportunistically―just sexually.
In “The Rational Male”, you will learn how hypergamy presents itself (usually subtly) and how you can deal with it. You will understand that hypergamy doesn’t care about a lot of things we are told to care about in relationships. You will know why simply being a good person doesn’t really help you in finding high-quality partners and that you simply need more than just good manners and heart.
Since women are the ones usually choosing men for long-term relationships, and since hypergamy is a key factor in filtering these choices, fully being aware of it will give you a massive advantage as you’re navigating through the dating world.
2. Sexual Market Value
SMV, or the sexual market value, is a simple 1-10 rating system that is used as a reference by the manosphere to roughly measure the desirability of each gender with age in consideration.
Contrary to popular belief, the SMVs of both genders are not the same. For women, looks ultimately determine their SMVs. Men’s SMV, however, is more complex with looks, status, financial competency, and character (Alpha traits) being involved in determining how desirable a man is. While looks do matter, mainly a man’s financial situation and character that are the most influential attributes.
Generally speaking, the SMV of a woman peaks when she’s in her early 20s. Women at that point are at their physical peak and so have many options to choose from when it comes to men. But as women grow and get into their thirties, their looks start to decline. Consequently, their SMV decreases and so they no longer have as many options as they once did during their peak SMV.
This explains why most single women in their early 20s don’t care about long-term relationships as much as they do when they’re in their 30s. At their peak SMV they are usually in high demand and tend to have a lot of options, so the need to settle down with a family is not as urgent. But once they get to their 30s and hit “The Wall“, the dynamics change—the realization that the carefree-partying phase isn’t lasting forever settles in. Therefore, seeking long-term provisioning becomes a higher priority.
Men, on the other hand, tend to not do well in their early 20s in terms of SMV. Around that time, they’re usually at the beginning of their careers with low provisioning capabilities and status. Furthermore, women around the same age do not care about finding a good provider as much as finding the fun Alpha.
But once men get into their mid-30s, they tend to have already progressed in their careers and matured while also still maintaining their looks and health. Therefore, their SMV increases.
Of course, everyone is different and some people are more fortunate than others. But ultimately, it’s important to understand the attributes that actually determine how well you’re doing in the sexual market.
It’s important to know that being a very nice person doesn’t weigh much in the SMV. It’s not about just being agreeable and kind to women. The Western gynocentric society has made men believe that just being yourself and what matters is on the inside will help you become a high-quality partner, but again hypergamy doesn’t care about that. Hypergamy only cares about currency and security.
There is truth in the phrase “men see women as sex objects and women see men as success objects”. You can learn more about that from this study.
The good thing about understanding SMV is that there’s a lot you can do to improve your SMV. I mention that because a lot of people think that desirability is more of a fixed value; that the self is pretty much a finished product once it has matured. But that is not the case; the self is malleable, and the only thing left to know is what exactly are the qualities you should be focusing on, instead of wasting time listening to bullshit things the gynocentric society asks you to do.
“The Rational Male” should help you with exactly that.
3. Alpha Fucks & Beta Bucks
The Alpha and Beta Males-principle or archetype is a way of “categorizing” men according to their desirability, hierarchy, and social status amongst each other. This principle is used for reference that’s not to be taken literally but to identify the ideal characteristics men should be aiming at acquiring to improve their status and SMV.
Generally speaking, the Alpha male is always the man every other wants to be and every woman wants to have. He is always well respected amongst his peers for his character and competency and most desired by women for his status and provisioning.
“The Rational Male” helps men identify which traits are helpful not only to find success in relationships but to improve on all other domains in life.
The identification of these traits is extremely helpful because men today are being forced to tone their “toxic” masculinity down. And because men are pushed to become ultra-nice and obedient towards women by the gynocentric society for the sake of control, men never fully become who they actually aspire to be and women are never fully satisfied with the gynocentric conditioned product they’ve been encouraged to make.
Rollo discusses the importance of ignoring these misconceptions people have of masculinity to avoid becoming the Beta provider female partners train their husbands to become. You should, therefore, expect to learn a lot about these manipulative tactics to steer clear of any attempts at degrading your own value.
“Nothing is as simultaneously fear-inspiring and arousing for women as a Man she suspects is self-aware of his own value.” ― The Rational Male
4. Game
This is one of the most important points that I came across. When Rollo first mentioned Game, I expected him to talk about Game as in gaming women. As in strategies to pick up women. But that, fortunately, was not the case.
It turns out that we all game one way or another. Alpha males have Game and Beta males have their own kind of Game, even if they don’t like to admit it. Women too have Game. We all follow a certain philosophy to attract the opposite sex, even if we suck at it.
Furthermore, Game isn’t just a game. Game is actually everything that has to do with having and maintaining a relationship. It’s not a strategy, but an attitude.
And Game starts with becoming your own mental point of origin. By leading and not reacting.
Becoming Game-aware helps men maintain their frame in the relationship and always gives women reasons to stay attracted.
By now you should have realized that this book is not a PUA guide. It doesn’t give you pickup tips; these are, in my opinion, useless quick “fixes” that harm you in the long run. The book instead gives you the right mindset you need to improve yourself as a man, and therefore become the person who naturally finds success in relationships, without resorting to tips and tricks.
Conclusion
At a time when masculinity is constantly being put under the microscope and criticized for what it has always been, I believe “The Rational Male” gives men a better sense of direction on what they really should and should not be.
It doesn’t even matter if you’re in a relationship or not, this book will definitely open your eyes to see intergender relations for what they really are, not what people want them to be.
Moreover, even though this book seems like it doesn’t help women at all, it actually does. A lot.
Most women tend to view the ideas discussed in the book as sexist and misogynistic because of its cynical tone towards women, but that’s a very limited perspective. In my opinion, every woman should be supporting men to read that book to become Alpha providers women dream to be with, which is, of course, easier said than done.
Would a woman like to have a gullible doormat as a partner to control but be very dissatisfied with for a lifetime? Or would she like to have a dominant Alpha who makes a good provider and keeps the relationship exciting?
There’s a reason why a lot of women give this book to their brothers and sons, but never to their boyfriends and husbands.
It’s in both genders’ best interests that you kill the Beta in you.
Finally, here’s Richard Cooper’s compilation of other people’s takes on the “The Rational Male” and how it has changed their lives:
Share this review with someone you think would find value reading this book.
1 thought on “The Rational Male — Book Review”